It's some kind of feeling, some kind of force.

Hello, I've come to update this little spot in cyberspace that is mine.

One month without updates? -__________________-
What a slacker.

My birthday came and went. By far, the best birthday ever in years. Thank you all for the cards; cakes; presents; wishes on Twitter, LiveJournal, Facebook, text messages and calls; and prayers. I am grateful that I am still alive and kicking to enjoy the days with each and everyone of you.

Aiyoh, self, why SO cliché? Be more original, please.


Anyway, a lot of things happened this month besides my birthday.

~I had a marriage registration to attend. It's the first time I've witnessed a Sinhalese wedding registration so it was highly exciting.

~Then came my midterms, which I think I did pretty okay. No complaints.

~After that, it was Diwali and that was awesome because I got to satisfy my craving for mutton curry and murukkus.

~Then came my FIRST EVER camping trip, which happened last Saturday. It was pretty exciting, except for the part where my stuff and I got wet because our tent got flooded. Nevertheless, it was a good experience. Wouldn't mind doing it again.

~I came home from the trip with a sore throat and cough (when I went there, I had a flu AND a dry throat AND a bonus menses visit), but did that stop me from eating the ever so awesome kiribath and seeni sambal my cousin cooked and packed home for me since I couldn't attend her son's birthday lunch yesterday?

HECK NO. I even had chicken varuval and fish curry for lunch today!

My voice is SO sexy right now, I feel like growling like a rockstar.

~CHELSEA FC ARE ON TOP OF THE TABLE! *dances around in the room*

KEEP IT UP, BOYS!

~What am I up to this week? I'm finally getting my ass (it's a good thing my dad is technology-unfriendly, he'd scold me for using the word 'ass') kicked into gear so I can start writing my thesis.

And, oh, I have a Diwali dinner to attend. MORE FOOD FOR ME! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!


There you have it, folks. My October, in short, has been nothing but awesome, tearful, amazing and fantastic. Despite minor sore spots, I love it.

Have a picture before you. This is legitimately my favourite photo of myself that I have seen in years.

My favourite photo of myself yet. Thank you for those who made this smile happen. You know who you are. =)

I'll take you just the way you are.

I created a new rhyme in my slightly unwell state of mind.

My heart is like a map,
my nose is like a tap.

Okay, I know. Lame attempt in making you people laugh. Jeebus, you people are so hard to please!



I'm feeling alright, albeit my nose is a little stuffy (but the good part is that it's no longer running like a tap).

It was a little funny telling people how cold I felt when they were literally melting under the sweltering heat.


We had an online meeting and I mentioned that I heard the newest Boyzone (WHAT? THEY'RE STILL AROUND?!! HAHA) song and we began reminiscing the good old days of our younger days.

We look back now and cringe at little random things like "OMG TO THINK WE REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE LINE! I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME!!!".

It's nice to know no matter how far apart we can be at times, we can always be geeks and talk about this and other random things when we get back.

My dad once said that he and another man became friends through strange circumstances.

Three of the best friends (including the one who has passed away) started out being enemies with me. Years went by and we became friends under really strange circumstances.

I feel blessed that we're friends. They may corrupt me and all, but I love them.

When we were young, we had crushes, strange tastes in music, and random interests.

Now, we still have all those things and more. We have that bond between us. We know when the other isn't feeling too good. We know what makes the other tick. We know what pisses the other off.

We know what we know.

10 years down the road, we can watch random things like this and laugh, because it just makes us reminisce the times we were at that age and the crazy things we'd say or do for someone on the telly we fell in love with.

Thank you for making me better and taller in more ways than one.

Friends sempiternally.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired.

As if waking up with a toothache and a fever, and my dad's trusty Carlo (Yes, I named my dad's car, that doesn't make me crazy) breaking down on Tuesday; Chelsea losing on Wednesday; and my slipping onto the tiles of my college on Thursday weren't enough to mark my miserable week.

I am now unwell. My nose is like a running tap. It's disgusting. The fever is coming and going. I am downing Panadol tablets like a crack addict. Panadol soluble tastes awful, by the way.

My immune system just HAD to go down on me a few days before to an important week.
(no-lah, it's not THAT highly auspicious week yet)

I have three assignments/campaigns to do next week. I need to get my slides done by tonight so I can send it to my group members.

Damn perfect timing to get unwell, right?

My mother told me to go to bed and take the day off.
Easy for her to say that.


You know what? Screw it.

I'm going to watch this and teach myself to play the song.


Oh yeah, this should be fun!

You don't know how bad it feels.

I only went to sleep at 4:30 this morning after typing out the last thing: my research proposal. I could have sworn I saw my laptop screen swirling in pretty weirds circles.

It's not like I was procrastinating. My Internet connection loves to die at times when I needed it most. While it kept dying on me, I wrote it out on a piece of paper.

And that was just my suggested sample and sampling techniques. I couldn't do anything more than that.

This is for you, Streamyx, for making me unable to type out my proposal in time.

While completing this and my assignment, I told some people who were talking online with me that I wanted to drink vodka. Alcoholic kitty, tsk tsk.

I live in Jalan Vodka. Hahaha!

(Story behind this: My parents and I got bored on the way back from SJMC to KL, we started creating our own road names because of the whole "Jalan Alor, Jalan Kejora" thing and I told my mother that if they were to rename our road, it would be known as Jalan Vodka. If they named it Jalan Mawi, I swear to you I am moving out of my housing area. I don't lie)

I was too tired to even watch the Chelsea-Roma match. I thought that if I moved my ass an inch, I would have fallen on the floor and lie there until my mother wakes me up in the morning. So I sat there, relying on updates from Renny and typing my proposal out.

So when I woke up at 9 this morning, I was worried about meeting my supervisor. She's not scary, contrary to popular belief, but she is intimidating. Plus, this topic I'm doing, it's her forte. So no chance in hell to play the bullshit card, which is really my forte, to be honest.

11:30 swings by and I see my supervisor. The first thing she asked to see was the research proposal.

She said it was a very good proposal.

HOLY FREAKING BOCEPHUS-KU! WHAT? I spent like 45 minutes on that, not knowing what I typed in and all (I was seeing my laptop screen swirling in front of me, remember?) and she says she likes the fact I know what exactly what I want to do with my research and how in detail I went with the scales and what-nots?

Fan-freaking-tastic.

She did say she needs me to add in a few details and such, nothing major.

But still, when she was reading my proposal, I was expecting her to shoot it down to a T because I had no idea what I was typing out.

I'm just happy it turned out good. So now, I have one week to sort of rectify the proposal.

It paid off, just like you said. Thank you for staying up with me and entertaining me about other random road names (Jalan Lipas, Jalan Cham and Jalan Todi. Man, are we just that bored and random or what!).

My head hurts. I think I should go off to bed.

Until later.

It's raining and I am hurting.

Remember I once had some trouble with my left knee two years ago? I had a bruised cartillage behind my left kneecap, which almost rendered me unable to walk a short distance or even do the things that made me happy like sports?

Yeah, well. It's back and the pain is as bad as before. I can't do anything without wincing in pain every 30 seconds. I hate feeling weak and I cried for a short while (say a minute).

At this rate, I'm thinking I might have to use a wheelchair in order to get around.

Sorry if I sound whiny and needy and all those things, I have a right to whine. Just when I thought this pain would go away and leave me alone, old wounds open up again.

You may think I am just a hypochondriac, but this pain I am feeling now, it's real alright. It's as real as the eyebags under my eyes.

I am relying heavily on Perskindol to reduce the pain.

If I don't update, well, you know where to find me. I'll be busy typing out my random assignments and research proposal and what-nots.
*whimpers in pain*

Until later.

Your aura is incredible.

Okay, I saw something completely wonderful on YouTube, it made me squeal like an idiot.

Then again, maybe I am one.

To Skizzy the Scouser, you know what I mean. Are you convinced, by the way?

*****

Remember this post?

Yeah well, my mother has a reply to that.


See? Even my mother doesn't want to donate for a good cause.
*wails*

I am trying to come up with a brilliantly ingenious plan to steal money from people seek donations for my fund.

*****

The Russian mafia queen is back and she didn't even tell me!

I miss her and I can't wait for this weekend!

I am tired, but we're putting up some final touches for the gifts and such. There will be photos of stupid people doing stupid things.


On the downside, I think I have a sore throat and slight flu.

Of all the times to fall sick, now?

*trying to sound sarkie in the best Mr.Burns' voice possible*
Excellent.

From here, it will only get worse.

You know what?
True friends stab you from the front, not from the back.

*****

My brother just came in and asked me about the friendly match.

The fucking audacity of him to ask me that.

I'M THE GODDAMN LAST PERSON YOU SHOULD ASK!

*breathes deeply*

Seriously. Stop pissing me off and making me sad.

*****

Why was I being so bitter the past two weeks?

01. On Saturday, someone sent me a message saying if I wanted tickets to watch the match and he could organise a meeting with the boys. I so badly wanted to say yes, I almost cried.


02. I don't hate my future sister-in-law. I really don't.
It's just his decision to get married that pisses me off. He just conveniently tells my mother in the car on the way to a wedding which my father and I didn't attend one day that "I'm seeing someone and I would like to get married". Like seriously? If I hadn't known any better, I'd say it's like a shotgun wedding. It would be nice if he actually brought her home to introduce us all to her. I have a hard time adjusting to new situations. I'm awkward, to be honest. My parents at least can deal with changes better. Not that I'm saying I can't, I can. It's just that the process itself is longer than what a normal person would undergo.

I can't talk to her. I barely know her! I know, once she lives here, I'll get used to it, you say. But the thing is, we're on two different polarities. She's quiet, sane and religious; a few things I am not known for. Most people know I have an innate fear of talking to people who talk very softly. Well, yeah, she talks softly and that doesn't help me at all.

I want to be familiar with someone before I let them be a part of my life.
"I know you don't hate her. It's just that, you need to know someone for you to trust them. Trust is an important issue with you"

How he manages to tap my inner thoughts like that amazes me slightly.
"How do you know it's exactly that?"
"Trust me, I've been your best friend for 7 years and dated you for two. I know you even more than YOU let on"
"Besides...I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile..."

Stupid fellow. We're having a serious conversation and you randomly sing Lionel Richie's Hello to me.

I don't hate her. I promise. This feeling shall pass, I know of it.


03. This wedding plans are robbing me of my social life. It's sad to say I have yet to watch The Dark Knight when three-quarter of the population of the world have already watched it TWICE.

Fine, I'm being a fat, selfish walrus.


04. One of my father's late friend's daughter is going off to Cyberjaya to study and we decided to visit her on Saturday. We went out for dinner/supper (I have been skipping breakfast and dinner because I just have no mood to eat) and then we went back to their place. We got on to talking and somehow the conversation went to the topic of consuming fish.
"Fish is food for the brain. You're smart. See when you ate fish, you got 7As for your PMR. Even my son also got good result. My son...and my daughter too"

The statement itself is innocent, but I tend to look at it in both a positive and negative light.

Yes, dear father. I am not smart. No need to feel sorry for me. There is no need for you to feel compelled to mention my being smart. It's okay. I've learnt I am second best. Silver is such a pretty colour on me compared to gold.

The next day, I just went to the trophy cabinet and took out all of my stupid trophies and hid them somewhere in my room.

It's not because of what my father said. Almost every trophy in there belongs to my brother. To put my trophies there would be an insult to his intelligence.

Everyone who steps into my house for the first time would casually walk over to the cabinet and peruse the trophies one by one.
"Eh, why mostly your son's trophies only?"

We live in a culture that tells us the amount of As we score is equivalent to how perfect we are and how wonderful life is.

I don't want to be subjected to people's idiocy to such things.

So if and should anyone ask me why I lack trophies in the cabinet, I might just answer "Why? Do you want to give me one so that I don't feel sorry for myself for not being as smart as he is?"

At least I know how to spell and count and read. That's all that matters, no?

*****

ROBBIE KEANE IS IN LIVERPOOL.

WHAT THE HELL.

HE'S NOT MEANT TO BE THERE. HE BELONGS TO SPURS.

Ah well, not like the went to ManUre. Ugh, that would've been disastrous.

*****

I promise not to buy anything until October.

Whatever money comes my way shall be used for the David Cook album fund, the David Cook in KL fund, and the ongoing Stamford Bridge fund.

=)

*****

"Ma, I don't care. When David Cook comes to KL, I am going"
"Must see the timing is right or not first-lah"
"Timing right or not, I am going. I have already been robbed of so many things, let me have this moment, okay"
"I'm taking you with me, by the way"


I feel better already.


Stop worrying, okay. Michael Johns is keeping me happy with his shenanigans.


Currently listening to:
Warwick Avenue - Duffy.

You think you're loving but you don't love me.

Incarcerate, rest peacefully.

I hate celebrating my birthday alone but I refuse to have a party.
I know now why I always end up feeling gloomy and upset on my birthdays.

Hopefully, this year...it would be different.


Makeover has got to be my favourite track from the Analog Heart album.
Finally, I learnt the art of not breaking down when people around you are having a bitch fit.

How?
01. Listen to songs.
02. Watch stupid videos and stupid boys you adore with, probably, your life.
03. Being a housemaid and cleaning your sanctuary/room.
04. Do crossword puzzles.
05. Sleep and dream of people or things that make you smile.


Shall not talk about what happened today because for all I care, I'm living in the now and if people can't learn to let grudges go, it's not my problem. It's theirs.


Thank you for being concerned, but like I told you earlier:
"I am going to be okay. My tears aren't worth their time"


I probably won't be blogging any time soon. With everything that's going on plus the low blood pressure symptoms coming back again, I just need some time for myself to think and see myself beyond the person in the mirror staring back at me.

Love you people all the same!

Just in case you miss your fix of my mad ramblings of this man =)

Even when I dream of you, the sweetest dreams will never do.

I AM FREE! *does robot dance*

The paper wasn't so bad since it was an open-book exam.

4 questions, 40 marks.

Break down of marks:
Question 01 = 5 marks
Question 02 = 10 marks
Question 03 = 5 marks
Question 04 = 20 marks

I almost got confused with the last question because it was long and confusing (and I am not smart enough to decipher hidden meanings behind questions...STILL second in Word Challenge-lah!). It asked about the different types of products, types of distribution AND pricing strategies all in one question. I actually underlined the three things in the questions and wrote away hoping that my interpretation of the question wasn't wrong.

When the time was up at 2PM, the lecturer who was in the exam hall told us what the question was about. Apparently...my answer is correct.

Can you imagine how relieving it is to know that 20 marks haven't gone down the drain like that?

One month to sleep and relax now.

*****

I came home and got slightly upset over someone who just knows how and where exactly to prick me with a needle.

Instead of crying, I chose to sweep, vacuum and mop my room.

Oh yeah. I could get used to being domesticated.

*****

I had this really weird dream yesterday before the shopping trip.

I went to this Idol tour concert in KL and somehow I was late. By the time I got there, I missed Cookie's performance (if this ever happened in real-life, someone please kill me...I am NOT kidding) and I managed to sit at the side of the stage. Brooke was singing Yellow (which I really liked) and then she introduced Michael Johns on stage. He started singing Fire and It's All Wrong But It's All Right. Then, the concert ended and he went backstage. Brooke suddenly came back on stage and mentioned that Michael took his shirt off. And since I was sitting at the edge of the stage nearing the backstage, I went to peek. He put on this yellow shirt and he saw me looking and I ran away because I got scared. I ran all over the building with May, my 17 years who I bumped into while running away from Michael. We went all over the place, only stopping to eat some chocolate-coated marshmallows.

Then we ran back up, and saw Michael coming out. I wanted to run but my friend was going fangirly there, she started yelling "MIKEY COME HERE AND TAKE A PIC WITH US!" and he came to us. He came to us and told his manager he'll come shortly.

First he took pics with May, but he looked a bit drunk, and he kept asking how old she was. She told him that she was 16 (even in my dreams, she lies about her age -.-'). Then I reluctantly went to take a pic with him (because I was still slightly embarrassed about the incident). He suddenly asked me "Nice view?" (obviously referring to the incident that happened backstage) and I got so embarrassed I didn't know what to answer, so I just kept quiet. Then he asked me how old I was, I said that I was 20. I asked him for his autograph.

Then May saw Cookie and got a bit too excited so she ran to get him. So it was only me and Michael there and he gave me a piece of paper. And he said to call him when I want to go shopping with him. I said okay. Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and left.

By then, I wasn't feeling too well.

Then Cookie saw me and asked if I was okay. I told him it's because of the chocolate I ate that's making me sick. Then he wanted to take me to the clinic and I said no, and we were arguing about it until I fainted. Then I see myself in hospital, and I see Michael there (the hospital people thought he was like a close relative/family member to call during emergency since they saw his number in my pocket). May and Cookie was there, and Michael teased me and said "This isn't what I had in mind when I asked you to call me". I started laughing and so did everyone else.

Then I woke up.


Told you my dreams never make sense.

I told this to my mother and she couldn't stop laughing at me (When I mentioned the part Brooke announces that Michael took shirt off, she just said "So you ran to see him take his shirt off-lah? Hamsap!". She even laughed when I said Michael wants me to call him when I want to go shopping and Cookie was arguing with me about going to the clinic).

I told May about it too. She wasn't happy.
"Why did Michael give you his number? I like him more than you do!"
"That's why I told you not to lie about your age. Even in my dreams you lie about your age. See what happened? He didn't give you his number to call him out on a shopping trip"
"Bitch, don't talk to me. You stole my lover"

But seriously, I am pretty much stupid in my dreams. Not much difference between me in real-life and me in my dreams. Though if ever Michael Johns or Cookie were in the hospital when I wake up, I would yell "OMG WHO LET YOU IN HERE???" and start laughing.


What did I learn from this dream?
NEVER EVER DOWNLOAD SONGS FROM MICHAEL JOHNS BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.


Currently listening to:
Somebody to Love - Michael Johns.

Everybody needs love, everybody needs somebody to belong to.

I'm lost in a crowd.

Dear trusty Vicks Inhaler,

I love you. Where have you gone to?

Please come back. You are very much my fix of crack when my immune system is down.

Very much suffering from constant sniffing and sneezing like a whale,
-TTG-

*****

My arm hurts no thanks to the keloid jab. I whimpered a little when he stabbed jabbed me with that tiny needle -.-'

I'm walking around my house with a bottle of 100PLUS in hand and a strip of KoolFever plastered across my forehead.

And I'm pretty sure I twisted my left knee and strained a couple of muscles along the way while getting out of the car.


Life is beautiful, I tell you.

Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme

Warning: This post contains profanities and excessive rants about stupid people. If you are under 17 and feel queasy about profanities, you know what button to click.

If there is one thing I cannot stand currently, it would be wolf-whistling.

Or cat calls. Or anything that is equivalent.

Why does it annoy the hell out of me?
Because I find it absolutely offensive and rude.

See, if you want to call someone (especially me), DO NOT FUCKING WHISTLE.

My mother gave me a name so use it please. Even if you pronounce my name wrongly, I will not hate you.

Say you don't know my name, call me 'Miss'. Not 'kakak' okay? I will kick you.

BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT WHISTLE/TAP THE TABLE/SNAP YOUR FINGERS WHEN YOU ARE CALLING ME!

I cannot stand it. Even when my mother taps her fingers on the table to call me, I start ranting like a mad woman.

The rudest thing I've ever seen is when someone starts snapping their fingers when they want to get their attention. Oi, don't you think those people deserve some amount of respect? You treat them like dirt and they might be less than hospitable with you. Trust me, the horrors of knowing people who work in the food industry and the things they do when they have customers from hell is one good reason to be nice to them.


And you know how when a guy sees a girl and he starts whistling at her?

DO NOT EVER FUCKING DO THAT TO ME.

I will give you the finger. No joke.

I was walking back to college after buying a drink when this van passes me by and the driver looks out of the window and looked at me with a smug grin across his face.

And then he stops.

I had a half a mind to turn around and use the other route back to college.

But I walked on. I have a right to take that route and that sad story of a man can't stop me.

Guess what the fucker did?

He whistled at me.

I ignored him and he kept on doing it.

Middle fingers, as if on cue, comes alive and stays upright.

Excuse me, I find it so degrading when a man does that.

What am I, a piece of meat? An object of your lust? Not a person with some degree of dignity?

Didn't your mother teach you manners? You're such a disappointment and disgrace to your family, you know?

I am no juicy piece of meat (woman, if you value your life, it's best if you kept your lips sealed). So when you ogle and whistle at me, it makes me feel embarrassed and stripped of any kind of dignity I have in me.

So don't ever whistle at me unless you want the finger.

*****

My mother is too funny.

"Wake up!"
"I'm up already"
"Germany beat Turkey 3-2"
"I know...Sylvien texted me"
"Oh she did?"
"Yeah, and she always feels like she's talking to a wall when she's watching the match and I'm fast asleep. I feel like a bad friend"
"Haha"
"You know Turkey played really well, they should be proud"
"You know what Sylvien said about the match?"
"No. What?"
"She said there was a blackout in the stadium"
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"It's such a shame that they weren't wearing glow-in-the-dark jerseys like the Chelsea ones. They could pass to one another and trick the opponents"
*dies laughing on the bed*
"Why are you laughing? I'm being serious, okay?"

And you wonder why I am quite random.

*****

I think I am going to have a fever.

No, no. Not Cookie fever-lah. I may be madly in love with the man, but I don't think the Cookie fever has continued past May 21st.

I have a flu right now. I've been sneezing non-stop the whole day.

Magic rainbows don't help cure the flu, do they?

You're my experimental game.

You know how funny it is to hear the original version of Billie Jean now?
EXTREMELY.

I have been terribly cranky. I hate being cranky, but once you cut me off my sleep, expect me to be all grumpy.

You can take away almost anything...but do NOT take away my sleep time.

They woke me up at 9 last night and I couldn't sleep until 2:30 this morning. I woke up every half an hour.

AND I HAD CLASSES FROM 8-5:30!

You really know better than to take away sleep from a sleep-deprived sleep slut.

I have a headache now. I know I should sleep, but I need to study for my quiz tomorrow.

HOW TO STUDY IF MY HEAD IS POUNDING?


"Oi woman, never listen to Magic Rainbow the whole day, that's why cranky is it?"


To make me even crankier, there is no water in my house.
WTF-LAH.


Proper update when I get enough rest AND I feel less cranky.

Sex is sex, and love is love.

If I could do just about anything right now, I want to stab Cookie's boots and hear them scream in pain.

Yes, I have a full-hate relationship with pointy shoes. Ugly.

*****

I went 31 hours without sleep.
Yeah, I broke my own record. How awesome is that?

Had a wonderful 6 and a half hour's worth of sleep. Pure bliss.

UNTIL MY MOTHER WOKE ME UP TO SAY "PA SAYS TO GET UP AND EAT".

Pfft. I told her that if I don't wake up past 9PM, don't wake me up at all.

But no.

"I told auntie to come at 9 thinking you all would eat dinner at 8:30"
"I told ma that if I sleep beyond 9, don't wake me up for dinner"
"You don't want to eat?"
"I want to sleep!"

My father thinks that if I skip ANY meals or do not drink fruit juices after meals, I will die of malnutrition.

-.-'

Great. Now my sleep cycle is going to be horribly wonky.



Not much to talk about. Proper update when I am feeling less tired.
*yawns*

I'm not crazy.

If I die within the next few days, it's because I am surrounded by extremely inconsiderate people.

I need a dose of Magic Rainbow now.

Badly.


I WANT THIS WEEK TO END ALREADY!



Just in case I die over the course of the period of madness which is this week, I want you to remember me as the one who would never shut up about David 'sempiternally immaculate' Cook.

Heaven help us all.

There is no four leaf clover, try again.

Today was fucking awful.

Yes, be surprised. I swore.

I don't want to talk about it.

I am skipping dinner because I am not a happy camper.

The low blood pressure symptoms are back. Oh joy.

I cried too much in one day. I had a breakdown. Wah, I sound human for once-lah kan?
*roll eyes*


Listening to this song just hit me. I never paid much attention to it, it wasn't one of my favourite songs.

But today, I realised how this song is exactly the summary of my fucking feelings today.

Hold - Axium
Takes a number, stands in line
'cause he doesn't feel like himself
And he's always played the wallflower
just cared for a sense of self
He plays on in spite of everything
disillusioned by his right
What makes it all go away
when you can't put up a fight, can't put up a fight?

Oh, but it's okay to breathe
your worries away
when everything and everyone try to lead you astray
Hold your own, hold your ground,
hold to life when you're down,
and always believe that there's a way back home

She's waiting on the answer,
a way to let them know
The thought of someone else inside her,
and the fear begins to grow
Warm tears feed dry hands
as she falls to the ground
It's strange how sadness presents itself
when there's no one around,
there's no one around

Oh, but it's okay to breathe
your worries away
when everything and everyone try to lead you astray
Hold your own, hold your ground,
hold to life when you're down,
and always believe that there's a way back home.


Judge me all you want. But you want to know something?
We're all fucking actors in a play on a stage.

Don't you dare think you are higher than me because between you and me, there's not much of a difference really.

We are all innocent.

Let's all copulate with engineers.

Warning: I am not feeling happy. I haven't been taking my Happyzacs lately. So sorry if I offended you. The 'X' button is up there if you can't tolerate me or my ramblings.

So yesterday, I was somewhat reunited with one of my ex-classmates online, thanks to the intervention of another classmate of mine. We talked about life, studies and everyone's favourite four-letter word...

LOVE.

Like what we used to do in school, we teased each other about having boyfriends. One of us said that she feels sad she has no boyfriend, to which I said "It's okay, let's enjoy singledom while the right one comes along".

Since another one is leaving to Australia in July, this same friend told her not to go after Aussie guys and make them potential boyfriends (give me a Mikey Johns, Toby Rand or Curtis Stone any day and I'd die a happy woman, pretty much).

They then kept prodding me about my boyfriend. At that point, I asked mate if I should notify them of the existence of my TV boyfriend. She said no, because they might go gaga over him. True, since TV boyfriend is somewhat precious to me.

I don't know how we switched from talking about boyfriends to getting married.

They began asking questions like "When are you getting married?", "What kind of job would your husband have?" and "How old should your husband be?".

They began stating that they want to get married when they are 26 onwards. And they both want engineer husbands.
"Engineers make good husbands"

They noticed how quiet I was (more because I was clearly uninterested in the topic) so they asked me the same question.

I had half a mind to answer "Oh I want a rockstar husband and I'll get married when I am 30 and have five kids and two dogs with him".

But the logical side of me waved aside that idea, so being the hapless romantic that I am, I said "I wouldn't to marry someone because of their job statuses, I'd rather marry them for who they are on the inside".

Wah...so deep right?

They agreed with me and I could tell they sensed my slight annoyance, they shifted to an entirely new topic.


I don't like talking about marriage now, especially when it's not my time to even think about it.
"You marry your books!"

I probably am being the only romantic lovefool in my class then and now, as every time people would bring up the issue of "Was your parents' marriage based on love or was it arranged?", I would answer 'love' and their reactions would somewhat surprise me.

Don't get me wrong, I have thought about my dream wedding.
Champagne gold-coloured gown, rockstar husband, Bali beachside wedding, garden reception, watched only by close friends and relatives.

It's just that I don't have time to think about this when there are more things to worry about...like "Will I graduate on time?", "Where to go next?", and "How many days til I leave KL?".

Or even "Will I ever be somebody in their eyes?".


My MSN display name has the numbers "525,600". What do those numbers mean?

Those are how many minutes you have in a year.

I learnt from many people close to me who have passed away that "Make every minute count".

So that's what I'm doing.
I am not going to worry about how great engineers are as husbands.
I am not going to worry about how sad my life is because I don't have a boyfriend.
I am not going to worry about how old I'll be when I get married.

Because I want to make every minute count by not wasting precious time worrying about these grouses.


On another note, I accidentally called this guy who is trying to get my attention/love 'boyfriend' this morning.

I don't want to cry, but the tears are there.

Half a tub. Just like you said.

Let it be clear that I LOVE MY CHELSEA BOYS.

I DO NOT HATE JT FOR MISSING.
I DO NOT HATE NICOLAS ANELKA EITHER.
I DO STILL HATE MAN UNITED BUT CONGRATULATIONS. I am the bigger person, thank you.
I AM PROUD OF MY BOYS.
I LOVE CHELSEA FC. ONCE A BLUE, FOREVER A BLUE.

I have been crying since last night to the point my blood pressure kept dropping, it scared the hell out of my Scouser.

I barely got any sleep either.

I was pretty much screaming or crying the whole morning.

My stomach wasn't being kind to me either. I was basically in and out of the loo for the whole day.

Panic attack? Something I ate? Pregnant?
NO.

Just gastric, I guess.


So, I watched the Idol finale and I think this was the best finale EVER.

I got too excited and started screaming my head off, my mother thought something happened. Mike Myers was hilarious. Seriously made my morning.

The performances were brilliant too! Somewhere along the way, we started yelling "MAVID!!!" and "CFM LOOK OMG!". It was insane.

I had the laptop on and chatted with Renny and mate and my God, it was fun.

So what happened in the end?

Guess who won?

Hint: I love him.

Squint hard enough and you'll see he wears his heart on his sleeve. You know what I mean.

Yes, world. Boyfriend won it and I was in tears. Pumping my fists in the air and practically dancing.

I would like to thank Andrew Cook for introducing us to David, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't really know how wonderful David is.


535 votes yesterday for 5 hours from me. It mattered, because he beat Archie by 12 million votes.


TOTAL CFM MOMENT.




Mushy boy. Stop doing that. You make me cry too! Is it me or does he remind you of Toby Rand?

Whoa, I can officially say I have powerful tearducts. I am stoked and crying tears of joy.


Good job to Archie too.
*applauds little David*


This should have also happened in Moscow, preferably with blue confetti.

Oh well. There you have it. The end of the ramblings of David Cook. I thank all of you for bearing with my incessant rambling and public declaration of love for my boyfriend for the last 4 months.

Bye for now.

She hit the floor.

Excuse my stupid entry yesterday, I was "being a pansy like the gayboy" (quoting my beloved Scouser).

The jab actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to, but it hurt anyway.

The doctor casually looked at the keloid and said at the most, I needed to come for another two visits. I winced as he got the needle out of the keloid and asked "So I have to come again next month?" while making weird faces at him.

As if on cue, my doctor sensed my discomfort of having to face needles.
"Yes. To tell you the truth I hate giving people injections, but I can't help it, I have to"

That comforted me a little and it reminded me of what my annoying Scouser said to me when I was panicking.
"Woman, stop being a pansy like Ronaldo ah? It's not the doctor's fault he's giving you a jab. It's his job. Plus YOU asked for the treatment, so it's YOUR fault"

Awesome morale booster, no?


I found the materials for the wedding already. A red one and the other is green.

Surprise, surprise. No blue. Be proud for me-lah, you eejit.


I bought a new Chelsea FC tee and the father got himself an Arsenal tee.
Then, last night, the mother comes into my room and tells me this.
"You know that old man wants me to have the T-shirt because he wants me to be an Arsenal fan"

OMG HAHAHAHA! I thank God that I didn't spit out my yoghurt at the laptop. So hilarious.

*****

I am going to do something completely inappropriate. Forgive me.


Seriously, how can you NOT have thoughts looking at THIS pic?
*mind wanders off somewhere else*


I dislike this hairstyle. Boys should always stay far, far away from the straightening iron. Yes, even David Cook isn't exempted from this rule, no matter how sempiternally immaculate he is.


He's got really pretty eyes for a boy. See, it looks brown here!


Oh yes, just SEXY.


Such artistic genius.


I still think he did AWESOME tonight. I don't care what people say about the songs he did, I think he nailed it.

Out of the 500 songs the contestants had to pick from, I picked 30 possible songs that he'd sing.

And guess what? Both the songs he sang were on the list.

For the first time, I correctly predicted his songs (Music of the Night doesn't really count, we said it was going to be something from The Phantom of the Opera).

You're not the only one who's psychic! Hah!

Okay, I just fainted watching this. Watch from 0:09-0:15 (trust me, you won't regret it).



Oh my holy toe socks. I just peed in my pants thanks to the hotness. That was just fucking hot. DAVID, WHY IN THE NAME OF HASH BROWNS DID YOU NOT DO THIS WHEN YOU PERFORMED? I WOULD HAVE MELTED INTO A STICKY PUDDLE OF MESS!!!


I still think the other David looks like he's 10. I am serious, because as far as I am concerned, the only 17-year-old boy I fancy looks hotter and more mature than Archie does (I'm talking about Gareth Bale).

Cookie shall be safe tomorrow. I know of it.

Savour each sensation.

Okay. I have melted into a sticky puddle of mess. This will pretty much tell you why.

"MAYOMGIWASTHISCLOSETOLICKINGTHETVSCREEN!"
"She fell to the floor with a 'ka-thud' really...and she was biting her lips"
"Oh God, were you having thoughts?"
*hesitates*
"No"
"Liar"
"Shut up"
"Well?"
"No....yeah"
"Poor kittens...I pray for their souls" #
"He bit his lips too, if it makes you feel better"
"I know...she was squealing for joy...which is so hilarious to look at"
"Piss off"
"That boy has everything"
"Damn straight"
"HIS EYES ARE SO CAPTIVATING"
"Do you remember what he said during the auditions?"
"Of course I do! Versatile vocally!"
"He said that?"
"And I thought forgetting his name after the auditions was a cardinal sin"
"It still is"
"Says the person who forgot what he said"
"At least she remembered the hair and whatever the judges said"
"Forgiven then"
"And Randy said he needed to work on some persona"
"Seriously?"
"Yeah...I mean, he has red streaks and the faux hawk, doesn't that count for something?"
"For once, I agree with you"
"This is by far the first time I saw him looking directly at the camera so many times"
"He knows he's hot stuff so he uses that to kill the feeble people especially our poor old friend there"
"I am not old!"
"Evs"
"Seriously. I have Cookie Fever"
"Lame, woman. Just lame"
"I mean, he is just almost immaculate. He's smart, dorky, plays the guitar, humble, a family man, hot, and he has nice teeth!"
"ALMOST IMMACULATE? WOMAN, HE IS THE PERFECT MAN TO EVER WALK THE EARTH"
"Oh I know why she said that"
"Oh really now? Why?"
"All that's left for him to do to be immaculate in her eyes is to roll on the piano and make it look like a fun toy"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"True, right?"
*says nothing*
*looks around and whispers*
"Yes, yes, yes"
*hides and faints*
"Oh yeah, what did I tell you?"

# Some wise person told me that every time you have inappropriate thoughts of people, a cat dies.

Now that I feel slightly abashed...please go and do something else. Like save the poor kittens from dying.

Just because I might not be around later because I'm feeling unwell now.

I. WANT. THAT. SHIRT. NOW.


*falls to the floor with a loud 'ka-thud' sound*

I should get going now. My forehead is kind of warm.

Indefinitely.

I feel a bit better thanks to the massive amount of David Cook fangirling I did the last two days.

The symptoms did come back again yesterday evening after I met up the parents in McD's after collecting some stuff from the main block. I felt my chest getting tight, I was out of breath, and my heart was pounding really fast.

At that point, I was thinking of crying because of how fragile I've become lately.

In case you don't know what happened to me, refer to the post below this.

But no worries, after my exams, I'll be getting myself a medical check-up and lots of rest.

I'll be fine, don't I always end up fine?

*****

So. What has this person named David Cook done to me, you ask?

I am proud to say that he has killed me.

See, that obsession with Blake Lewis is NOT as serious as this.

I have my reasons, which I shall talk about when I am free. On Sunday.

Let me annoy you with pictures then.


Oh yes, he did. I just cried more.


HAHAHAHA! Made me laugh and squeal like a mad fool.

"We're DYING to know, are you single?"

When we heard this question, the mother being herself, was talking to the TV.
"Yes, David answer it! It would make my daughter happy because she loves you"

Dear God, I was laughing when she said that. In front of my dad. Silly auntie.

Then he said "Yes, yes, yes".
Great, now a gugillion girls want to be his baby. Hahaha.

And then the mother's favourite, little David is told he is safe and was asked to go to the side he thought was the safe side. He followed Melinda Doolittle's footsteps and sat in the middle of the stage. Good move, boy. Smart.

So what does Mr. Seacrest (who is beginning to annoy me more and more with each passing day) do?

He tells that "if you get closer to the safe group, they'd have to come this way". And joined him, they did.

Especially David Cook.



Sorry, I just thought this was TOO adorable for words. I knew a few cats that died because of this, hahaha.

We ended up talking about this because I didn't want to worry him about my health.
"I thought it was just adorable"
"You remember you told me once you love someone who'd sit anywhere with you on the floor like that? I remember because you sat like that on the floor of the train station once and I yelled at you and you told me that and I called you crazy"

God, I seriously love it when people remember random things like this.


Okay, I shall shut up about David Cook already because I need to study for my Abnormal Psych paper tomorrow.

I will be fine, okay. Stop worrying like mad cows. If I ain't okay, then you're allowed to worry.

Currently listening to:
Always Be My Baby (studio version) - David Cook.

This has been on replay for the last two days. It's so brilliant. I know I say this to EVERY studio versions of his. But dear God, go listen to this and you will get my point.



P/S: I will hunt you down. Hahaha. Thanks for being here.