It's some kind of feeling, some kind of force.

Hello, I've come to update this little spot in cyberspace that is mine.

One month without updates? -__________________-
What a slacker.

My birthday came and went. By far, the best birthday ever in years. Thank you all for the cards; cakes; presents; wishes on Twitter, LiveJournal, Facebook, text messages and calls; and prayers. I am grateful that I am still alive and kicking to enjoy the days with each and everyone of you.

Aiyoh, self, why SO cliché? Be more original, please.


Anyway, a lot of things happened this month besides my birthday.

~I had a marriage registration to attend. It's the first time I've witnessed a Sinhalese wedding registration so it was highly exciting.

~Then came my midterms, which I think I did pretty okay. No complaints.

~After that, it was Diwali and that was awesome because I got to satisfy my craving for mutton curry and murukkus.

~Then came my FIRST EVER camping trip, which happened last Saturday. It was pretty exciting, except for the part where my stuff and I got wet because our tent got flooded. Nevertheless, it was a good experience. Wouldn't mind doing it again.

~I came home from the trip with a sore throat and cough (when I went there, I had a flu AND a dry throat AND a bonus menses visit), but did that stop me from eating the ever so awesome kiribath and seeni sambal my cousin cooked and packed home for me since I couldn't attend her son's birthday lunch yesterday?

HECK NO. I even had chicken varuval and fish curry for lunch today!

My voice is SO sexy right now, I feel like growling like a rockstar.

~CHELSEA FC ARE ON TOP OF THE TABLE! *dances around in the room*

KEEP IT UP, BOYS!

~What am I up to this week? I'm finally getting my ass (it's a good thing my dad is technology-unfriendly, he'd scold me for using the word 'ass') kicked into gear so I can start writing my thesis.

And, oh, I have a Diwali dinner to attend. MORE FOOD FOR ME! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!


There you have it, folks. My October, in short, has been nothing but awesome, tearful, amazing and fantastic. Despite minor sore spots, I love it.

Have a picture before you. This is legitimately my favourite photo of myself that I have seen in years.

My favourite photo of myself yet. Thank you for those who made this smile happen. You know who you are. =)

Can you breathe tonight?

Because we grew up to this band, we found it highly amusing to see them dance like that.

Watch it because I said so it's freaking hilarious.

Some things NEVER change.


Randomly, mate/my champion asked David Cook in this live chat (yes, we joined the chat because we were bored and it was also our way of telling him we do not have the album) if he watched soccer. He said he watched it occasionally and his favourite teams were KC Wiz and Arsenal of the English Premier League.
Fantastic. He knows football. THE ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE OMG. He is ten kinds of awesome for knowing an English team and also for not mentioning Manchester United as his favourite team because if he did, May, Nisha and I would have knocked some sense into his head.
Now he and my dad can have intelligent discussions about Arsenal and their players and their style of play. But my dad doesn't know who David Cook is.

My dad bought an Arsenal shirt for himself but gave it to my mother in hopes of making her ditch the Devils and supports the Gunners. She wore it once when she ran out of clean clothes to wear and in the same week, ManUre lost. She blamed the shirt brought her bad luck.

"Ma, since you're not going to wear the T-shirt anymore, can I have it?"
"What for?"
"I want to give it to my TV boyfriend if he comes here. He is an Arsenal fan, after all"
-.-"
"I'm going to make him pay for it"

I better go to bed. Long day tomorrow. Rawr.

I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart.

Me: Robbie Keane is made of epic fail.
Brother: Come on, Liverpool!!! Score some more!
Me: Eh, don't be so greedy, can or not? You're already a goal up, what?
Brother: *in a slightly whiny tone* But I want us to have 5-0 scores.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

He envies my boys and their mad scoring streaks.

Cheh, what's the point of that? We always lose on freaking penalties, even with teams of a lower division.

So bloody ridiculous.

Big Phil Scolari needs to train them on how to take proper penalties. Like, seriously.

We can have epic 5-0 wins and all, but drawing and being tossed out on penalties is something that may happen too.

I don't like that alternative much.


I'm watching the match now, and earlier, Scolari angrily showed the "3-0" scoreline with his fingers and made a 'pushing forward' motion with his hands to the boys.

He wants more goals.
-___________-""""""""""""""

I have no words. DON'T BE SO GREEDY, CAN?

Until later. Why is it so cold now?

Don't say a word, I'm okay with the quiet.

I am done with the week of mayhem.
*throws confetti*

I must have been really tired and sleep-deprived, I slept from 4:30PM until 9.

I know. I sleep like a log. Be champions!


I was going to sleep again at 11:30. Nicely tucked in bed, I shut my eyes tight.

But some inconsiderate shit head spoilt it all. He kept honking for over an hour and a half. I have no freaking idea why he did it but it was just plain rude.

It's fucking midnight, sane people are trying to sleep. For once I decided to join the society of the sane by sleeping early, but look what you did.

You've relegated me to community of the undead.

He's stopped already, thankfully, but I can't go back to sleep now because I can't fall asleep with a horribly angry head.

*breathes deeply*


Okay. Let me bore you with random conversations.
Random conversation 01: the best friends in McDonalds'.
"So you agree to Theobroma Tuesday?"
"Theo Walcott?"
"WTF"
"THEOBROMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
"Oh, that"
"Yes, that"
"So you're up for it?"
"Yes"
"Awesome"
"So alright, what's the plan?"
"Hmm...Plan one: eat at Fish and Co. Two: eat at Theobroma. Three: buy the shoes with the snake skin print (if it's still there) at Novo. Four: get album. Five: insert earplugs"
"Huh? Earplugs? What for?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"What is?"
"We're getting earplugs for ourselves because we know you will start squealing once you exit Rock Corner with that CD in your hands"
"We want to take precautionary measures to prevent ourselves from going deaf due to incessant fangirly screams"
"HEY!"
*smacks arms*
"True facts, baby"

Random conversation 02: the mother.
"I went to eat in KFC earlier"
"Yerr...so unhealthy. I expected better from you"
"It was one of those days-lah I felt like eating something from KFC!"
"Anyway, back to what I was saying earlier. While I was eating, they played Light On"
"Did you think of me or not?"
"Of course I did!"
"Awwww! You love me! I love you too!"
"I was thinking about how you'd spazz out and start singing or screaming hearing it"


Seriously, do I squeal/scream really bad?

Anyway, I am seriously in love with the drummer boy and his hair. WTF ARE YOU SO PRETTY?



Sudah Tuesday ke belum?
*gets twitchy*

I will speak in Bahasa Malaysia tonight.

Ke hadapan May yang disayangi,

Apa khabar kawanku? Kami berempat di sini sihat-sihat sahaja. Diharapkan saudari May juga sihat.

Di sini, kami berempat ingin memberitahu May suatu berita penting. Pada Selasa minggu hadapan, iaitu 18 November 2008, kami akan mengadakan lawatan sambil belajar ke Bangsar Village. Tujuan lawatan ini adalah untuk menjamu hidangan coklat yang pelbagai, mengenang kembali zaman kanak-kanak kita, berbual-bual mengenai hal kehidupan masing-masing, dan membeli barang-barang keperluan.

THEOBROMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEOBROMA. TOLONG KATA YA.

THEOBROMA. COKLAT. MMMM...SEDAP.

THEOBROMA. KASUT. BISKUT. APA LAGI AWAK MAHU???


Tolonglah setuju dengan cadangan untuk mengadakan lawatan ini untuk bergosip dan bergurau dan membeli barang keperluan harian (tolong jangan menafikan ayat ini, saya akan tamparmu). Kami sangat rindu ketawa and gurau sendamu.

Jawapan anda sangat kami hargai.


Yang benar, jauh and merinduimu,
Skizzy, Della, Roxanne, dan Dave.


Tamatlah sudah warkah blog ini yang sangat berwarna-warni. Sekian, salam maklum.

**Please excuse my atrocious attempt of writing in Malay. The last time I wrote such wonderful Malay was when I was in high school, which was like, 4 years ago? And I hardly speak Malay at home unless I'm speaking to my sister-in-law since she speaks to me mostly in Malay**

I'll take you just the way you are.

I created a new rhyme in my slightly unwell state of mind.

My heart is like a map,
my nose is like a tap.

Okay, I know. Lame attempt in making you people laugh. Jeebus, you people are so hard to please!



I'm feeling alright, albeit my nose is a little stuffy (but the good part is that it's no longer running like a tap).

It was a little funny telling people how cold I felt when they were literally melting under the sweltering heat.


We had an online meeting and I mentioned that I heard the newest Boyzone (WHAT? THEY'RE STILL AROUND?!! HAHA) song and we began reminiscing the good old days of our younger days.

We look back now and cringe at little random things like "OMG TO THINK WE REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE LINE! I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME!!!".

It's nice to know no matter how far apart we can be at times, we can always be geeks and talk about this and other random things when we get back.

My dad once said that he and another man became friends through strange circumstances.

Three of the best friends (including the one who has passed away) started out being enemies with me. Years went by and we became friends under really strange circumstances.

I feel blessed that we're friends. They may corrupt me and all, but I love them.

When we were young, we had crushes, strange tastes in music, and random interests.

Now, we still have all those things and more. We have that bond between us. We know when the other isn't feeling too good. We know what makes the other tick. We know what pisses the other off.

We know what we know.

10 years down the road, we can watch random things like this and laugh, because it just makes us reminisce the times we were at that age and the crazy things we'd say or do for someone on the telly we fell in love with.

Thank you for making me better and taller in more ways than one.

Friends sempiternally.

I am not a slut, Cheongsam Lover.

Hello all, in case I don't post anything interesting here for your perusal anytime soon, it means two things.
01. I am tied up with assignments. I should be free by next Friday. My next assignment is due in December, but still.
02. I am experiencing a triple whammy of pains. Headaches, toothache and the latest, a muscle sprain.

How did the last one happen? Funny story, really.
Well, okay. It's not even the slightest bit funny.

I initially had to go to college at 12, but since Fishy said she thought of coming early at 10 to discuss our assignment together and my mother had a doctor's appointment, so I thought I would go early to college.

I reached there at 8:45 and shook my parents' hands and left. As I reached the lobby, the lift that was going up was about to close. The cleaning lady who at that time was mopping the floor, told the person inside to hold on as she saw me approaching the lift. I walked a little faster because I didn't want the people inside the lift to wait for me.

And I slipped.

Like I stepped on a banana skin.

And fell.

And landed on the right side of my body.

I sat on the floor, wincing in pain, using everything in me not to cry. I sat there, not so much in pain, but more of in total shock. It took a while for me to realise that I slipped.

As I fell, the only thing that went through my mind was "Please let me not fall on my posterior and hit my head hard on the floor. I don't want to be a vegetable so young in life!".

People just stood there stunned. No one helped, not even the security guards (I'm going to cease seeking their help from now on). Well, one girl did come out of the lift and carried my jacket for me -.-'

I was just rubbing my thigh when I got to the floor I wanted to go to. I hesitated to call my mother because she would tell my dad and being the hypochondriac he is, he might just ask the doctor to stab me with needles just to confirm that I was fine.

But I called anyway.

I told her what happened and asked her what to do next since she had a fall two weeks ago, which gave her left thigh quite a bad bruise.

I almost cried while texting the mate and she came up to check up on me, lamenting my 'not-so fantastic' week. I was grateful for that.

It was horribly difficult to sit for 30 seconds without whimpering in pain. All I felt like doing was walk around and just stand.

I just did not want to sit.

I don't think I broke a bone (I joked with Skizzy that "I think the fat surrounding my thigh absorbed the impact most so my bones were spared". She obviously didn't find that statement amusing, judging from the tone of her voice). It's a little swollen and tender but otherwise, nothing damaged.

I will be fine. Trust me.



Oh, thank you Adrian for this.

Dear CheongsamLover,

You are a sick human being.
Do you realise how much you have degraded those girls?
Do you even realise how they would feel if they knew their photos and the comments you made regarding their dressing (or the lack of it, as you claim)?

Tight headscarves? What in the world? Now, it is a sin to wear headscarves the way one is most comfortable with?

Holy Bocephus! I didn't know that!

What anyone chooses to wear if their prerogative, not yours. You do NOT own them.
It makes them comfortable in their own skin to dress the way they do. You do NOT get to judge them.
This is, after all, a free country. We have a right to choose what we wear. YOU DO NOT HAVE A SAY IN THAT.

Women are not meant to be objectified like pieces of meat. We are much higher than that, we have feelings, thoughts, ideas and the likes. Do you think I would enjoy knowing that people can take pictures of me, post it up on their blogs and call me a slut? I would be dead humiliated to be objectified in such a manner that derogatory.

If you have qualms about people's dressing, you should ignore it. Walking away and not saying a word is sometimes, the best thing to do. By the looks of it, judging from my limited knowledge of Islam (I am sanctimonious, after all), I would say that you are no worse than a rapist or a man who commits incest. You take pictures of these innocent women (I do not know them well enough to say they're innocent, but they are not to be blamed for his actions) and post them up in your little blog.

Clearly, I would state that you are committing a sin.

Multiple sins, to be precise.

Seems to me like you actually ENJOY these girls and their so-called slutty dressing.

You condemn these women who wear so-called skimpy outfits for earning a living. At least they are working to earn a living, unlike you, who actually spend time taking their pics and posting them up. Definitely the work of a highly bored and jobless man.

Grow up, get a life, and get off these women's cases, especially about their dressing.

Very bitchy, annoyed, and mostly in pain,
-TTG-

P/S: My boyfriend would like to say a few words too.


How very true.

I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words how I feel.

I love to sleep. You know that.

I also love my room. If ever my room is not in the condition it's supposed to be (clean), I would refuse to sleep in it and start cleaning it at really odd hours of the day. Otherwise I will call myself a failure.

The problem that has been bugging me for the last 2 months is that my room is the room with the balcony. That is where we hang our clothes. People would come in and out of my room to hang their clothes and whatnots.

It used to be just my mother who would come in my room and hang clothes.

Now it's my sister-in-law.

My brother also comes in occasionally, to borrow my laptop.

My dad would come in to see if I was awake or asleep, so that he knows whether or not he should turn the modem off.

In the process, he would lock me in my own room.

Sometimes, my mother locks me in too.

So does my brother.

When I find myself locked in, I knock (more like banging in a violent fit of rage) on my door in hopes of it breaking it down.

Sometimes, if I wake up at an ungodly hour, say at 4 in the morning, I know my mother would be up and I'd call her and say "Hello, someone locked me in and I can't get out. Come up and open the door for me, please".

Sometimes, I think she does it on purpose. It's her way of saying "Stay in there. Stay out of trouble", I think.

Crafty mother.

Sometimes, it's the weekend or it's a day I don't have class/anything to do and all I feel like doing is sleeping just a few hours more.

Then my mother comes in to hang the clothes and after doing all that, she will sit at the edge of the bed and wakes me up to tell me random stories of something my father said or what she saw on the idiot box.

Sometimes I am fast asleep and she tells me to move a little because she wants to sit on the edge of my bed to fold clothes.

I keep hearing David Archuleta's Crush on the radio every single hour that I am awake, it's insane.

I know-lah I have like this SUPER MASSIVE crush on all the boys in the band (Shut up. Don't judge me, okay), but really, playing Crush to mark that is a little too much, don't you think?

I hate interrupted sleep.

I hate having eyebags.

I hate people coming in and out of my room.

I am beginning to hate that song.

I hate the fact I can't go back to sleep now.

You don't know how bad it feels.

I only went to sleep at 4:30 this morning after typing out the last thing: my research proposal. I could have sworn I saw my laptop screen swirling in pretty weirds circles.

It's not like I was procrastinating. My Internet connection loves to die at times when I needed it most. While it kept dying on me, I wrote it out on a piece of paper.

And that was just my suggested sample and sampling techniques. I couldn't do anything more than that.

This is for you, Streamyx, for making me unable to type out my proposal in time.

While completing this and my assignment, I told some people who were talking online with me that I wanted to drink vodka. Alcoholic kitty, tsk tsk.

I live in Jalan Vodka. Hahaha!

(Story behind this: My parents and I got bored on the way back from SJMC to KL, we started creating our own road names because of the whole "Jalan Alor, Jalan Kejora" thing and I told my mother that if they were to rename our road, it would be known as Jalan Vodka. If they named it Jalan Mawi, I swear to you I am moving out of my housing area. I don't lie)

I was too tired to even watch the Chelsea-Roma match. I thought that if I moved my ass an inch, I would have fallen on the floor and lie there until my mother wakes me up in the morning. So I sat there, relying on updates from Renny and typing my proposal out.

So when I woke up at 9 this morning, I was worried about meeting my supervisor. She's not scary, contrary to popular belief, but she is intimidating. Plus, this topic I'm doing, it's her forte. So no chance in hell to play the bullshit card, which is really my forte, to be honest.

11:30 swings by and I see my supervisor. The first thing she asked to see was the research proposal.

She said it was a very good proposal.

HOLY FREAKING BOCEPHUS-KU! WHAT? I spent like 45 minutes on that, not knowing what I typed in and all (I was seeing my laptop screen swirling in front of me, remember?) and she says she likes the fact I know what exactly what I want to do with my research and how in detail I went with the scales and what-nots?

Fan-freaking-tastic.

She did say she needs me to add in a few details and such, nothing major.

But still, when she was reading my proposal, I was expecting her to shoot it down to a T because I had no idea what I was typing out.

I'm just happy it turned out good. So now, I have one week to sort of rectify the proposal.

It paid off, just like you said. Thank you for staying up with me and entertaining me about other random road names (Jalan Lipas, Jalan Cham and Jalan Todi. Man, are we just that bored and random or what!).

My head hurts. I think I should go off to bed.

Until later.

My words they sing you their song.

Hello you.

Today, you would be 22 years and 2 weeks old.

You would have been, anyway.

There is not a day that I don't think of you. You know what they say, the first cut is the deepest. I always feel you watching me, in a non-stalker kind of way. Making sure I do the right thing. Laughing at my mistakes.

Sometimes, I think if you were still here, you'd say "This is the voice of your conscience speaking, you are not fat" to my face.

And I will half-mindedly say "I believe you".

I don't know if you know this, I have changed a little. You know what change does to me. It makes me afraid and awkward. But I deal with it just alright.

I am sure you must be immensely proud to hear that I do not use the violent approach of throwing things around when I am angry. Yes, be proud. Your little girl is much wiser now to know that violence doesn't cure cancer, solve problems or fix her financial situation.

I like rock songs more than I used to when I was 14. Shocker, I know. Oh well, I suppose a good change would do me some good. Not really into the whole pop-boyband stuff anymore. I'm too old and too cool for that now. Haha.

I know I am not speaking for myself when I say I miss you. We all do. Your wit and caring self is what we miss the most about you. Well, that and the fact you beat the crap out of my Hindi-speaking skills.

I watched the movie "Wit" a couple of weeks ago and I thought about you. Well, my initial thought was "Why in the world did I choose to wear my purple eyeliner today?". I only said that because I was sobbing thinking about what you went through. The pain of it all made me cry. So now I know better than to wear eyeliners to school in case my lecturers decide to show me movies that make me think of you which will make me cry.

My hair is longer now than what you'd remember before. It's way past my shoulders but above the lower back. I am resigned to be known as the 'langsuir queen' because one day I washed my hair and didn't dry it, and my dad thought that I just auditioned for the role of a vampire. Yes, you may laugh at me.

How are things with me? I'm doing good, not that great, but I'll survive. One more year until I graduate and then, what happens? I don't know. I may work, I may not...one thing's for sure, I will continue to study. Not just at a university level, I learn new things everyday. You never truly stop learning.

On a relationship front, I have been single for the last three years. Purely by choice. I'm not sad, I don't feel left out. I have other things to worry about like 'Will my hair be blue by the end of the season because of that bet?'.

I have so much to say but I will take forever just to do that. You know I have a tendency of rambling like an idiot before I finally come to my point because I get nervous and sweaty and all that when I have something important or random to say to you.

It happened again. Haha. Sorry.

I love you, sempiternally (favourite new word!). Nothing can change what you mean to me or the one year of happiness you gave me.

Thank you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I am sorry.
Take care.

I will refrain myself from saying 'goodbye' because it is so trite so I'll just end it by saying 'until later'.

ABYB,
-RH-

For your perusal.

Today, my lecturer told us that no one uses the term 'for your perusal' anymore.
That liar.

I do, okay. And so does...

Well, never mind. Skizzy knows who I'm talking about.


Anyways, for your perusal, I got yet another gift and card yesterday. This time around, it's from my lecturer cousin and his family.


If you know me, I am quite a pain when it comes to opening presents. I peel the cellophane tapes off so slowly and carefully to the point a snail moves faster than that. I'm trying to save trees, thank you!


-.-' As if the wrapper wasn't enough, there has to be a box. Let's see what's in it.



OMG. GOLD HEART-SHAPED EARRINGS. So pretty!

Okay, I know I said I didn't like gold things, but this has a hint of silver in it. So, it's entirely fine.


My niece handmade my card. So sweet, I tell you.


She spelt my name with an extra 'E', haha. The only other person who does that is my good friend, the concerned alcoholic.

"Why did you write 'have fun eating carrots' here?"
"You were born in the year of the rabbit right? And rabbits eat carrots"
"Ah...I see"

I am such a stupid person, okay. Don't judge me.


Thank you to my cousin and his family for the gift. I love it.


My trip to see my thesis supervisor proved to be fruitful. She was incredibly nice and supportive and to think I was afraid of her! I have to meet her again in another two weeks' time, which gives me some ample time to carefully write out my proposal =)

And oh, I'll be away for a week or so. Assignments and midterms galore...just in case you DO miss me.

Oh yeah, you know you saw it coming.

Wish me luck!

This is the time of my life.

This post shall be updated when someone else decides to be generous with gifts.

Excuse my cheesy title. My 21st was indeed the time of my life.

So what happened?
My best friend from secondary school called me up at midnight and lamented about the fact she has to wait until December to turn legal. It was incredibly nice of her to call me up from the library of her university since she was studying for my finals, she never fails to call me up at midnight on my birthday. We had a falling out for about a year in 2005 and I'm eternally thankful that we're back on good terms again.

After that, my 17 years and her cousin called me up and made an awful rendition of Light On and Crush, they were mucking up the lyrics! I couldn't help but laugh really loudly, which resulted in myself getting a slap from my mother for being too loud. Yeah, I got slapped by my mother a few minutes into my moments of being 21. Let's not talk about that because it makes the three of us feel horribly awkward. Thank you nonetheless, for being there and making me laugh to prevent the tears from rolling down and telling me what to do when it did and my pressure dropped.

Anyways, the whole morning of my birthday, I refused to see anyone. I made a dash to the bathroom, took a shower and headed back into my room. and stayed in there for what seemed like forever. I was bitter, okay. My birthdays in the past have never been outstanding, I always end up being miserable and grumpy. I came down only when everyone was ready to head out to visit my relatives. That was at 1:24PM, the time I was born, and my dad wishes me at only this time and not earlier or later than that. He wished me and the rest followed. I don't think I shook hands with my mother because I was very upset.

The first place we went to was my Mak Ngah and Mak Su's place. I have been craving for her chicken rendang (that's where my mother got her recipe from) and her kuah kacang. By far, the best kuah kacang ever. It so happens my Mak Su and I share the same birthday. We had fun teasing my Mak Ngah. Poor auntie. Haha. By this time, I felt better. Grumpy baby walrus was nowhere to be seen.

Then we headed out to my Mak Andak's house. We had a good laugh too.

After that, we went over to an old family friend's house. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing she forgot my birthday. Every year, she used to give RM100 in the birthday card she posted and that stopped for a while, and when my brother got married, she gave me RM100 too. One thing about this auntie is that she is super generous. Way too generous. She gave me RM50 as my duit Raya. I'm not so greedy-lah, I don't shamelessly tell people "It's my birthday today, give me extra money please". I am not so forward =/

Then we had dinner in Victoria Station in Medan Damansara. Every year my brother plans on calling the staff to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me (if you tell them it's your birthday, they sing for you), but it never materialises (because I don't fancy the idea of some random person singing happy birthday to me...unless of course, he is THE one and only David Cook).

I had fun, it may not have been a great birthday but I had fun regardless.

Anyways, let's take a look at the gifts and cards then, shall we?

This is what I got from my parents.


Say hello to Andy, my new iPod nano. So darn pretty, kan?

I'm not allowed to use him until the 18th because that when my exams will be over and done with.




This is the card the family gave me. Yes, my brother and his wife signed this card too. I'm their daughter too, apparently. Does anyone else think that my brother's signature looks like it says David instead of Rizal?

Aimee Lee Kit-Ee/woman with so many 'eees' in her name sent me a card. Next time, you use eagles, okay? Pos Malaysia fails us again.


Aimee ah, I showed my dad your card like you asked me to and he says he likes your handwriting better.
-.-' He says mine is all disjointed, something about it not being connected or written in cursive handwriting. I like my handwriting, okay, thank you.

This pretty box came from the mate. Randomly, I didn't know how to open the box and Yas said to pull the lid up and that's when we found out how to open the box. I am so stupid, I tell you.

What's inside, you ask?

No-lah, how can you fit David Cook inside there? You people are too imaginative-lah. So much free time, is it? Come do my assignment for me, please?

I squealed when I saw these things inside that pretty box.

Chelsea pencil box.

Chelsea mug. I so happy can die, thank you.
Thank you, mate! *hugs and squeezes you*

Skizzy, upon hearing the bad start to my day, found something that she knew would cheer me up.

"For you, on your 21st...you deserve this because you have to wait another 42 days for the album"

THIS = ONE DROOL-WORTHY BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.

The revelation of THAT particular tattoo leaves me oh-so very happy I'm doing cartwheels now.

Oral fixation, much?

MY BOYFRIEND IS MY MUSE! HAHAHA! Thank God for that Guitar Hero advert.

Favourite photo ever.

I have come to a conclusion that this man is a robot manufactured by an evil scientist to render people speechless and seduce innocent beings into having horrible, horrible thoughts.

Yes, you have succeeded in seducing me, now quit the smirking already! Let me enjoy the remaining bit of dignity I have left in myself. Don't taunt me!

I love you, woman. I did get him on my birthday after all. HAHA!

Thank you so much everyone for the gifts and wishes through Facebook, Friendster, MySpace, online, LiveJournal, text messages, snail mail and e-mails. I love you all sempiternally. Here's to more birthdays and happy occasions.

Right, I'm exhausted and my double whammy of aches isn't getting any better so I better go to bed.

Words will never take my place, when you know why I'm leaving.

I am still alive, thank you for asking. I just didn't feel like there was a need to update the last few days.

I AM NOT DEPRESSED. I just needed some time for myself because I felt like a big change was coming in my life. A really good change, and usually when changes happen too fast for my liking, I tend to put life on pause to evaluate the situation. If you know me like a book, you'd know that I hate drastic changes. I can take changes well, just not the drastic ones. I need to learn, I know.

Do not assume things just by reading the things I type in the first paragraph like what my father's former English teacher used to do when he marks his students' essays (if your first paragraph is up to his standards, you'll get 50/100...if not, you get a ZERO). Read word-for-word, even if I have a tendency to sound like a deranged fangirl.

I am shallow at times, I know. That does NOT make me completely brainless or stupid.


Saturday was, by far, one of those days I felt like I have truly exhaled and not feel asphyxiated at all. I had fun with my extended family. You cannot imagine what it felt like to be in my shoes, counting down the hours to my impending death before the dinner took place. It turned out the exact opposite when I got there and plopped my sorry derriere on the chair. I found myself smiling, laughing, camwhoring and doing rather silly things. It was like all of us were a family again. To be the queen of all things corny and cheesy, I shall use a line of my so-called favourite song and say that I had the time of my life.

Things are going well with me. I feel good that I have stuck to my schedule like I promised myself that I would. So, au revoir, senorita procrastinator. Hah.

Light On is a song that speaks to me in more ways than one. Every single time I hear it, I feel like there is a different meaning attached to it. I have a few meanings attached to that song as well. Personal ones, to be exact. I know a lot of people either do not like him and his guts OR the song, I don't care too much. As far as I know, I love the song and I cannot wait for the album.

There is another week until I turn 21. Not only am I getting older, I also am getting wiser. Yes, my wisdom tooth is growing fully now. I cannot smile, eat, laugh, talk or sing much without flinching in pain. I consider that as a birthday present to myself. Being wiser and smarter. Hah.

Eid is in another two days time and I personally am not ready for it. I feel like I'm not in the mood to celebrate Eid. All of us haven't fully recovered from the wedding events and what-nots. I know I haven't gotten the full rest I really need. Besides that, even if I only have classes from Tuesdays to Thursdays, most of my classes are in the evenings and I have assignments and my thesis paper to worry about. I have tonnes of things to do and so little time. What's worse is that my midterms are also around the corner and I have to study. Sigh.

I will not be updating anytime soon, so I'm going to wish everyone SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN; and HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

The next update will probably be the obligatory birthday post. Well, that's what I think, anyway.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone, something I rely on to get home...

Until later =)

Confessions.

I am still on hiatus, just not for now. I am here because I just want to let this out so bad:
I love my mother, so much I am writing a letter I know she will never read.

Dear ma,

Maybe two years from now, I will be flying off to stalk pretty boys or study or as we both are very well-known for being multi-taskers in the family, I might do both. Maybe for a week you will come with me because you want to tell frumpy grumpy fat man Fergie how unbelievably dashing he is to you.

You have never ever judged me for what I do. I could be very frank with you and yet you tell me like how you see it. You are by far, one of the strongest persons I have ever come across or have the privilege of knowing. I now understand how it is to be in your shoes when someone's temper flares. When I was young, I always took his side because I was just too young to understand and comprehend things. Now, the more I see it, the more I felt like beating the young me for most of the times that I was being cruel to you and only being nice to you when I want something. I am sorry I took you for granted then, it was never my intention to hurt you or add on to the hurt you were already feeling.

As the years passed after you retired, we've grown closer and we understood each other better. You would tolerate my undying love for random famous boys yet you will always say I am crazy. There aren't that many mothers I know who will call their kids up at 4 in the morning to say things like "Oh hi, your Chelsea boys are winning 2-0, come down!" or even "Oh hi, Ellen is interviewing David Cook now. Come down!" like what you did this morning. At that point I was thinking, "I wonder if other people's mothers are like her" because most mothers I know either don't know about their children's objects of affection, know but don't care about their children's objects of affection, or pretend and ignore about their children's objects of affection.

But you. You tell me about who's on the TV and make it a point to tell me about what you saw and how hilarious it was. You will watch football matches with me and laugh at the most random things possible, like someone being tackled or being carded by the referee. We have our secret codes and silly glee faces ever. We share too many stories together, in fact we share a lot of things together. Except for a sense of direction, for which mine beats yours into a pulp.

When I first listened to Light On at 4AM today, all I ever thought about was how much the last couple of days were emotional for me. I watched the movie Wit and it made me cry to think about the pain and suffering two people closest to me had to go through when they were battling cancer. I was just 13 and 15 when they passed away. Again, I was too young to understand things. At 13, all I thought of were studies, dressing up, boys, boybands and other silly, insignificant things. Not cancer. Or death.

After a couple of rounds of listening to it and concluding how much I love it albeit sounding a little overdone at the chorus part, you came in and I asked you what you thought of it. You told me you were feeling sleepy and will tell me once you feel more awake. It then struck me that the words to this song are exactly how I feel for you when I leave KL. I know that's only going to happen in two years time, but like you know, I like to think about rather strange and random thoughts about the past, present and future. This had to be one of those thoughts. At the same time I was thinking about this, you said "This song started off so slowly at first...but as I keep on listening to it, I feel it's very touching and I enjoy it".

I then told you "When I leave two years from now, play this song so that it will remind you of me and all the things I've done. The times I have countlessly irritated, annoyed and pissed you off. The times I have cried to you when I had no one else to talk to or when I fell sick because of my blood pressure sinking rock bottom. The jokes and the silly things we would do together, like scribbling your refusal to donate to my 'David Cook album fund' on my whiteboard. The times you would call me so early in the morning to tell me some boy I like is on the telly. The things or food I buy for you from wherever it is I went to. Leave the light on for me when I go, okay?".

All you said was "I will. I definitely will play this song to think of you". I started crying because I finally understand this song. The song has different meanings attached to it. This is how I see the song for me: it's how I feel about leaving people closest to me, especially family members.

And guess what, ma?

It's you who is closest.

You came and laid down with me on my tiny bed after listening to the song a gugillion times (Sorry bout that, I had that on replay) and you knew I was crying and you told me "It's okay". You fell asleep soon after and I continued crying, thinking about our relationship. It's not exactly a pretty one, ma. I feel so horrible for some of the things I have said and done to you, I feel I am not worthy of your love.

I am truly sorry for the times I snapped back at you.
I am truly sorry for the times I ignored a request from you.
I am truly sorry for the times I have been an ass to you (which, of course, occurs most of the times, I guess).

I am truly sorry.

Last week, when it seemed like everyone in the house hated me, you saw the tears in my eyes and all you said was "Chin up, no point in being upset over idiots like them". You never sympathised, you empathised with me. I know how squeamish you get when people hug you, but you gave me a hug that I could never pay back in cash. It felt so good and relieving and I felt like I could just exhale once again.

We will always have our jokes, our tears and fights, and guess what, ma?

I love you sempiternally. I know I don't tell you this as often as I should, but I really do.

You make me an extra pot of coffee when I am pulling an all-nighter to study or complete my assignments.
You wrap all my books and even charge me for it, but I don't mind paying 50 cents per book wrapped, it's my way of giving back for everything you have done for me. It's not much, I know, but it's the least I can do.
You say the most random things because you know how much it will cheer me up on the most awful day possible.

I just want you to know that you are probably the most awesome mother any girl can ever have. Not many mothers I know watch everything I watch on the telly or make an attempt to be interested in the things I like, or even tell me "EH WAKE UP! LAMPARD JUST SCORED! COME DOWN NOW!" at rather weird hours of the day.

I just sayang you too much it hurts to think I'll be leaving you here soon.

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

Just leave a light on when I'm gone for me, okay? You won't feel that alone if you do that. There's the option of MSN too, but yeah. "What goes up, never comes down", haha! Only you'd understand this along with me, ma. No one else comes close. Nothing else compares.

I love you.

Lots of love, hugs, kisses and magic rainbows,
~R~, your daughter.

I just had to let that out because it is how I feel not only right now, but maybe for a long time.

I'm not going to be back here to post any time soon. I still am trying to figure out how to deal with the good changes in myself that I am facing, as you would've read in my earlier post.

Sing it with me.

Dear Dang Sylvien @ mate,

I hope you haven't melted after seeing Michael Phelps' abs of steel.

Where are you? Why are you hiding from me? Are you secretly posting up that ugly gayboy's poster you took down recently and not telling me?


No longer convinced my house is possessed,
-me-

*****

So yes, I know I was being paranoid. My house is not possessed.

Are you happy I confessed to being paranoid already?

We should throw a party.

*****

Has the world not seen enough of Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers?

I feel like turning my TV and radio off when I hear all their songs. Maybe it's just me.

I was practising my guitar yesterday and this old Westlife song was being played on the radio. It made me cringe thinking "I used to listen to this and love the music they make, oh my God". I must add that I still remember the words to that cheesy song. Shameful but true. And I hate it when I go to Parkson in OneU, they play the same Westlife album over and over again. I mean, isn't there another CD they can pop in? I'd be shaking my head everytime I go there and my mother knows all too well.
"I'm not asking them to play the other half of you-know-what-I-call-them. Just play something different"

Maybe if I was 10 or something, I'd believe that the world revolved around Miley Cyrus, High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers and idolise them sempiternally. But sadly, I am not 10, but 20 and horribly old.

I guess we just go through a phase in life where we get exposed to different kinds of music. I like the different genres of music except maybe a bit of techno and Japanese music. I find the resurgence of old boybands highly amusing too. Take That is fine because eventhough their music sounds very, very morose, I can tolerate that.

Do we still get to call them boybands since they are old in their mid-30s and they are no longer considered as boys?
Then again, manband would sound very odd.

We all go through a phase where we experiment the different kinds of music there are out there. I listened to rap when I was 13, then I started listening to rock music when I was sixteen or so (rock became a huge part in my life when I turned 18), but pop played a major part of my life because I grew up with that music (Michael Jackson was one, he was after all, the King of Pop).

If you asked me now how much of pop music I listen to, I'd tell you that it's a very limited playlist when it comes to pop. Well, maybe it's because all my pop songs are stashed in my dead PC. Haha.

But still, I cannot take it when all I hear on the radio are these artistes that come out from the Disney Channel. I don't like the Jonas Brothers because they made a remake of this song I liked called Year 3000 from Busted (I blame May for all the Brit music influences in my life). The original song itself is hilarious, but then they changed it and I didn't quite like their version.

Yes, I realise I am rambling so I might as well shut up.

*****

Say what you want about Magic Rainbow, but the more I hear it, the more I like it. Contrary to what Skizzy said earlier in one post about my hating the song, I like the song a lot more than I used to, it's sort of grown on me.

Go on and make fun of me. I dare you.

*****

My mother is so amusing it makes me cry thinking about next year or the year after that.

I know she'll come with me (she wants to stalk old grumpy frumpy Fergie) and all, but still. The thought of leaving home does scare me.

Almost everyday, she will come and ask me "Do you have a boyfriend?" and everytime I say no, she says "You will tell me when you have one, right?".

One day, while waiting for her to pick me up, I was just talking to a guy friend of mine who was also waiting for his parents. Almost two hours after we came home, she came into my room and asked me "That guy you were talking to just now...is he your boyfriend?".

-.-' Every guy I talk to now is my boyfriend-lah, is it?

"No, he's a guy who is my friend whom I see as an older brother. That's it. Ma, don't worry, if I do have a boyfriend, which will be very much later in life, I will tell you first, okay? And I will bring him home to meet the both of you instead of having a shotgun wedding"

She laughed and nodded. She knows my take on my brother's wedding so it's all good.

But she does not think my boyfriend is sexy (this came after a long and lengthy conversation about Avril's concert being postponed or cancelled or whatever that's going to happen to it, and what would happen if the said boyfriend wanted to come here).

How dare she say that. Hmmph. Boo her.


And today she was surprised that my phone bill was less than hers. Mine went down by a whole 50%.
"How can that happen? It's a miracle. What did you do?"

Just got to love her.


I need to get back on my guitar now. Toodles.