Warning: Fangirly tendencies up ahead.

I know I speak non-stop about people I love and that pisses (most) people off.

But these videos had me in tears.




Because what I have ALWAYS wanted to see happen, FINALLY HAPPENED.


I know. I sound so fangirly to the point my friends think that my MAIN personality trait is being a fangirl (but you've got to admit, being fangirly GOT ME SOMEWHERE AND SOMETHING ANYWAY).

BUT LOOK AT THAT VIDEO. IF YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY I AM TYPING THIS ALL IN CAPS AND HOW THIS MEANS THE UNIVERSE TO ME.

These people mean the world to me. I love their music and also their personalities. I have seen, heard, and touched one, while I have spoken, heard, and seen the other.

That moment is something you CANNOT trade for anything in the world.

Not even for Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen tickets.

Ever since David did Baba o'Riley on American Idol, all I said to my 18 years was "Hello, it would be epic if they toured together" because like 2 years before David Cook walked into my life, Ryan Star was my hero AND he also sang this song on Rockstar: Supernova (and got eliminated after that but let's not go there now). She scoffed at the idea.

Fast forward to a couple of months later. They are on tour together, sharing the same stage night after night. No one listens to me, as usual.

How do you expect my inner fangirl to NOT go crazy seeing them together?


And seeing that...I have no words.


I am sorry, all I have are just happy tears.

I missed this.

As much as I love David Cook, I love this man.



Life is good. Not perfect, just good.


I will resume my updating duties tomorrow. Bye, biscuits.

He didn't stand a chance, they said.

You know you're getting old when kids complain to you saying that three theatre screens in a shopping mall are not enough.

When I was 5, there was only one movie hall. My first ever 'going to a movie theatre' moment was watching the first Aladdin movie in some part of Central Market.
I didn't even care if we only had one movie hall in that area.

We never truly are thankful for what we have, are we?


I have a picspam for you! People with slow Internet connection (I'm looking at you, May), you might want to skip this. I wouldn't want to kill you by making you wait for pics to load.

Patience is not my strongest suit. I am horribly impatient.

Strangely enough, when I had to wait 73 days for this album, I learnt that patience and I could be best friends after all.

So bloody worth the wait.

*glee* VERY MOTHER-FLIPPING BASKET OF COOKIES KIND OF HAPPY, THANKS FOR ASKING.

Inside the booklet.







(this is proof that I bought him HAHA)


Skizzy thinks this looks as demonic as the eye tattoo on his wrist. This is not so bad as compared with the eye tattoo, okay?


Track list.


Love. That is all I have to say.


Time of My Life doesn't fit with the rest of the album. Seriously, as much as I love magic rainbows and dancing leprechauns, this song feels a little out of place.
(The voice that captured America, OMG HAHAHAHA!)


May, if you can see this, I DID IT FOR YOU!

Short review/comment on the songs on the album.
01. Declaration: I love the song, it makes me want to dance or even scream along while I'm in the car.
02. Heroes: It is what it says it is. I've always said that my heroes are the random ordinary everyday people around me, and this song song echoes my sentiments to a T. Oh these heroes come and go, you're still standing.
03. Light On: My mother's favourite song (I'm only saying this because she knows how to sing this more than Crush). I remember getting all excited because "OMG NEW SONG!" but then, I don't feel a thing for it now. I don't like it, I don't hate it.
04. Come Back to Me: One of my favourites. I can imagine if this becomes a single, it would've have a weird yet cheesy theme to it. I don't know, lately I just find myself annoyed about predictable music video themes.
05. Life on the Moon: I love this song. I know it's about him and the whole Idol rollercoaster ride, but in our lives, we have come to a point in our lives where an event took place and changed you. This line "I'm alone in this crowded room" in particular, reminded me of my high school memories of being discriminated for having mixed blood.
06. Bar-ba-sol: You want a kind of rockstar swagger off the album? THIS SONG IS IT. The drums and guitar on this are just fantastic. This is the kind of song you want to play when you're pole-dancing or even thinking about stripping to (I am merely quoting my shameless Skizzy).
07. Mr. Sensitive: This song is about him. I wasn't crazy about this song at first, but after a couple of spins, it grew on me.
08. Lie: My favourite track right here. Really, really heartbreaking song. I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart.
09. I Did It For You: I like the catchy chorus, but that's about it.
10. Avalanche: This song took a while to grow on me, I have to say I like it.
11. Permanent: I love this song so much I skip it almost every time it gets played. This song is personal to me and I find myself crying to it almost all the time (hence the skipping). I feel like the more I listen to it, the more I become emotionally attached to it and because of that, the song loses its meaning.
12. A Daily AntheM: I like. Would you sing my song at the top of your lungs?
13. Kiss on the Neck: Eh, what's this? Secret bonus track 8 minutes after A Daily AntheM? I love it! The song is full of swagger, that's why. May and I maintain that this song is about vampires. Skizzy thinks it's about someone else.
14. Time of My Life: I still act like a giddy school girl when I hear this song, no lie. However, like I said before, this song is so out of place among the other songs on the record. Feels a little...off.
15. Breathe Tonight [*Wal-mart bonus track]: May knows what I think of this song, therefore I will not say anything.
16. My Last Request [*iTunes bonus track]: The only song that saved me while waiting. It's Dave favourite song and he says it reminds him of me. Hmmm...

I should be studying instead of being here. Until later!

Can you breathe tonight?

Because we grew up to this band, we found it highly amusing to see them dance like that.

Watch it because I said so it's freaking hilarious.

Some things NEVER change.


Randomly, mate/my champion asked David Cook in this live chat (yes, we joined the chat because we were bored and it was also our way of telling him we do not have the album) if he watched soccer. He said he watched it occasionally and his favourite teams were KC Wiz and Arsenal of the English Premier League.
Fantastic. He knows football. THE ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE OMG. He is ten kinds of awesome for knowing an English team and also for not mentioning Manchester United as his favourite team because if he did, May, Nisha and I would have knocked some sense into his head.
Now he and my dad can have intelligent discussions about Arsenal and their players and their style of play. But my dad doesn't know who David Cook is.

My dad bought an Arsenal shirt for himself but gave it to my mother in hopes of making her ditch the Devils and supports the Gunners. She wore it once when she ran out of clean clothes to wear and in the same week, ManUre lost. She blamed the shirt brought her bad luck.

"Ma, since you're not going to wear the T-shirt anymore, can I have it?"
"What for?"
"I want to give it to my TV boyfriend if he comes here. He is an Arsenal fan, after all"
-.-"
"I'm going to make him pay for it"

I better go to bed. Long day tomorrow. Rawr.

Your fairy tale couldn't get much worse.

Earlier, I was eating a piece of murukku while listening to 'Permanent' (Yes, some lovable being gave me the link to download the songs. I HAVE THE PRECIOUS! That doesn't mean I WILL NOT BUY THE ALBUM!).

Bad idea.

I remembered how he joked about marrying me one day.
"Roxanne, some years from now when I propose to you under a star-lit sky, instead of putting the ring in cakes and seeing you choke to death, I'd attach it to a murukku"

I laughed at him for saying such a ridiculous thing because let's face it, there was no way he was going to get a ring through a piece of murukku.

He dared to dream, that young man.

That was 7 years ago. A year after that, he passed away.

Of course, the first cut is the deepest. There's not a day I don't think of him, sometimes I even see him in my sleep, talking to me.


Sometimes I think that if he were still alive, I doubt if he would still be with the person that I am now.


Listening to 'Permanent' just made the floodgates break loose. At one point of the song, I had to go out of my room, hide in the toilet and have a good cry.

I just miss him, that's all. The song hurts.


Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry.

I'll take you just the way you are.

I created a new rhyme in my slightly unwell state of mind.

My heart is like a map,
my nose is like a tap.

Okay, I know. Lame attempt in making you people laugh. Jeebus, you people are so hard to please!



I'm feeling alright, albeit my nose is a little stuffy (but the good part is that it's no longer running like a tap).

It was a little funny telling people how cold I felt when they were literally melting under the sweltering heat.


We had an online meeting and I mentioned that I heard the newest Boyzone (WHAT? THEY'RE STILL AROUND?!! HAHA) song and we began reminiscing the good old days of our younger days.

We look back now and cringe at little random things like "OMG TO THINK WE REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE LINE! I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME!!!".

It's nice to know no matter how far apart we can be at times, we can always be geeks and talk about this and other random things when we get back.

My dad once said that he and another man became friends through strange circumstances.

Three of the best friends (including the one who has passed away) started out being enemies with me. Years went by and we became friends under really strange circumstances.

I feel blessed that we're friends. They may corrupt me and all, but I love them.

When we were young, we had crushes, strange tastes in music, and random interests.

Now, we still have all those things and more. We have that bond between us. We know when the other isn't feeling too good. We know what makes the other tick. We know what pisses the other off.

We know what we know.

10 years down the road, we can watch random things like this and laugh, because it just makes us reminisce the times we were at that age and the crazy things we'd say or do for someone on the telly we fell in love with.

Thank you for making me better and taller in more ways than one.

Friends sempiternally.

It's raining and I am hurting.

Remember I once had some trouble with my left knee two years ago? I had a bruised cartillage behind my left kneecap, which almost rendered me unable to walk a short distance or even do the things that made me happy like sports?

Yeah, well. It's back and the pain is as bad as before. I can't do anything without wincing in pain every 30 seconds. I hate feeling weak and I cried for a short while (say a minute).

At this rate, I'm thinking I might have to use a wheelchair in order to get around.

Sorry if I sound whiny and needy and all those things, I have a right to whine. Just when I thought this pain would go away and leave me alone, old wounds open up again.

You may think I am just a hypochondriac, but this pain I am feeling now, it's real alright. It's as real as the eyebags under my eyes.

I am relying heavily on Perskindol to reduce the pain.

If I don't update, well, you know where to find me. I'll be busy typing out my random assignments and research proposal and what-nots.
*whimpers in pain*

Until later.

My words they sing you their song.

Hello you.

Today, you would be 22 years and 2 weeks old.

You would have been, anyway.

There is not a day that I don't think of you. You know what they say, the first cut is the deepest. I always feel you watching me, in a non-stalker kind of way. Making sure I do the right thing. Laughing at my mistakes.

Sometimes, I think if you were still here, you'd say "This is the voice of your conscience speaking, you are not fat" to my face.

And I will half-mindedly say "I believe you".

I don't know if you know this, I have changed a little. You know what change does to me. It makes me afraid and awkward. But I deal with it just alright.

I am sure you must be immensely proud to hear that I do not use the violent approach of throwing things around when I am angry. Yes, be proud. Your little girl is much wiser now to know that violence doesn't cure cancer, solve problems or fix her financial situation.

I like rock songs more than I used to when I was 14. Shocker, I know. Oh well, I suppose a good change would do me some good. Not really into the whole pop-boyband stuff anymore. I'm too old and too cool for that now. Haha.

I know I am not speaking for myself when I say I miss you. We all do. Your wit and caring self is what we miss the most about you. Well, that and the fact you beat the crap out of my Hindi-speaking skills.

I watched the movie "Wit" a couple of weeks ago and I thought about you. Well, my initial thought was "Why in the world did I choose to wear my purple eyeliner today?". I only said that because I was sobbing thinking about what you went through. The pain of it all made me cry. So now I know better than to wear eyeliners to school in case my lecturers decide to show me movies that make me think of you which will make me cry.

My hair is longer now than what you'd remember before. It's way past my shoulders but above the lower back. I am resigned to be known as the 'langsuir queen' because one day I washed my hair and didn't dry it, and my dad thought that I just auditioned for the role of a vampire. Yes, you may laugh at me.

How are things with me? I'm doing good, not that great, but I'll survive. One more year until I graduate and then, what happens? I don't know. I may work, I may not...one thing's for sure, I will continue to study. Not just at a university level, I learn new things everyday. You never truly stop learning.

On a relationship front, I have been single for the last three years. Purely by choice. I'm not sad, I don't feel left out. I have other things to worry about like 'Will my hair be blue by the end of the season because of that bet?'.

I have so much to say but I will take forever just to do that. You know I have a tendency of rambling like an idiot before I finally come to my point because I get nervous and sweaty and all that when I have something important or random to say to you.

It happened again. Haha. Sorry.

I love you, sempiternally (favourite new word!). Nothing can change what you mean to me or the one year of happiness you gave me.

Thank you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I am sorry.
Take care.

I will refrain myself from saying 'goodbye' because it is so trite so I'll just end it by saying 'until later'.

ABYB,
-RH-

Confessions.

I am still on hiatus, just not for now. I am here because I just want to let this out so bad:
I love my mother, so much I am writing a letter I know she will never read.

Dear ma,

Maybe two years from now, I will be flying off to stalk pretty boys or study or as we both are very well-known for being multi-taskers in the family, I might do both. Maybe for a week you will come with me because you want to tell frumpy grumpy fat man Fergie how unbelievably dashing he is to you.

You have never ever judged me for what I do. I could be very frank with you and yet you tell me like how you see it. You are by far, one of the strongest persons I have ever come across or have the privilege of knowing. I now understand how it is to be in your shoes when someone's temper flares. When I was young, I always took his side because I was just too young to understand and comprehend things. Now, the more I see it, the more I felt like beating the young me for most of the times that I was being cruel to you and only being nice to you when I want something. I am sorry I took you for granted then, it was never my intention to hurt you or add on to the hurt you were already feeling.

As the years passed after you retired, we've grown closer and we understood each other better. You would tolerate my undying love for random famous boys yet you will always say I am crazy. There aren't that many mothers I know who will call their kids up at 4 in the morning to say things like "Oh hi, your Chelsea boys are winning 2-0, come down!" or even "Oh hi, Ellen is interviewing David Cook now. Come down!" like what you did this morning. At that point I was thinking, "I wonder if other people's mothers are like her" because most mothers I know either don't know about their children's objects of affection, know but don't care about their children's objects of affection, or pretend and ignore about their children's objects of affection.

But you. You tell me about who's on the TV and make it a point to tell me about what you saw and how hilarious it was. You will watch football matches with me and laugh at the most random things possible, like someone being tackled or being carded by the referee. We have our secret codes and silly glee faces ever. We share too many stories together, in fact we share a lot of things together. Except for a sense of direction, for which mine beats yours into a pulp.

When I first listened to Light On at 4AM today, all I ever thought about was how much the last couple of days were emotional for me. I watched the movie Wit and it made me cry to think about the pain and suffering two people closest to me had to go through when they were battling cancer. I was just 13 and 15 when they passed away. Again, I was too young to understand things. At 13, all I thought of were studies, dressing up, boys, boybands and other silly, insignificant things. Not cancer. Or death.

After a couple of rounds of listening to it and concluding how much I love it albeit sounding a little overdone at the chorus part, you came in and I asked you what you thought of it. You told me you were feeling sleepy and will tell me once you feel more awake. It then struck me that the words to this song are exactly how I feel for you when I leave KL. I know that's only going to happen in two years time, but like you know, I like to think about rather strange and random thoughts about the past, present and future. This had to be one of those thoughts. At the same time I was thinking about this, you said "This song started off so slowly at first...but as I keep on listening to it, I feel it's very touching and I enjoy it".

I then told you "When I leave two years from now, play this song so that it will remind you of me and all the things I've done. The times I have countlessly irritated, annoyed and pissed you off. The times I have cried to you when I had no one else to talk to or when I fell sick because of my blood pressure sinking rock bottom. The jokes and the silly things we would do together, like scribbling your refusal to donate to my 'David Cook album fund' on my whiteboard. The times you would call me so early in the morning to tell me some boy I like is on the telly. The things or food I buy for you from wherever it is I went to. Leave the light on for me when I go, okay?".

All you said was "I will. I definitely will play this song to think of you". I started crying because I finally understand this song. The song has different meanings attached to it. This is how I see the song for me: it's how I feel about leaving people closest to me, especially family members.

And guess what, ma?

It's you who is closest.

You came and laid down with me on my tiny bed after listening to the song a gugillion times (Sorry bout that, I had that on replay) and you knew I was crying and you told me "It's okay". You fell asleep soon after and I continued crying, thinking about our relationship. It's not exactly a pretty one, ma. I feel so horrible for some of the things I have said and done to you, I feel I am not worthy of your love.

I am truly sorry for the times I snapped back at you.
I am truly sorry for the times I ignored a request from you.
I am truly sorry for the times I have been an ass to you (which, of course, occurs most of the times, I guess).

I am truly sorry.

Last week, when it seemed like everyone in the house hated me, you saw the tears in my eyes and all you said was "Chin up, no point in being upset over idiots like them". You never sympathised, you empathised with me. I know how squeamish you get when people hug you, but you gave me a hug that I could never pay back in cash. It felt so good and relieving and I felt like I could just exhale once again.

We will always have our jokes, our tears and fights, and guess what, ma?

I love you sempiternally. I know I don't tell you this as often as I should, but I really do.

You make me an extra pot of coffee when I am pulling an all-nighter to study or complete my assignments.
You wrap all my books and even charge me for it, but I don't mind paying 50 cents per book wrapped, it's my way of giving back for everything you have done for me. It's not much, I know, but it's the least I can do.
You say the most random things because you know how much it will cheer me up on the most awful day possible.

I just want you to know that you are probably the most awesome mother any girl can ever have. Not many mothers I know watch everything I watch on the telly or make an attempt to be interested in the things I like, or even tell me "EH WAKE UP! LAMPARD JUST SCORED! COME DOWN NOW!" at rather weird hours of the day.

I just sayang you too much it hurts to think I'll be leaving you here soon.

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

Just leave a light on when I'm gone for me, okay? You won't feel that alone if you do that. There's the option of MSN too, but yeah. "What goes up, never comes down", haha! Only you'd understand this along with me, ma. No one else comes close. Nothing else compares.

I love you.

Lots of love, hugs, kisses and magic rainbows,
~R~, your daughter.

I just had to let that out because it is how I feel not only right now, but maybe for a long time.

I'm not going to be back here to post any time soon. I still am trying to figure out how to deal with the good changes in myself that I am facing, as you would've read in my earlier post.

The moon and the stars were the gifts you gave.

I was cleaning my rack which is temporarily in my father's room and I saw some notes that made me laugh and cringe and cry all in one go.

All the stupid inside jokes and random crushes from high school.
All the hidden meanings of the things people who still matter to you after so many years wrote in your books/notes.
All the silly letters I used to write to YOU about "DID YOU SEE THE F1 RACE LAST NIGHT? OMG MASSA IS SO CUTE!" and "ALEX YOONG BOLEH! MALAYSIA BOLEH!".

Waves of nostalgia hit you and all you want to say to those people are just words of gratitude and love.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

*****

I was watching Benji the Hunted the other day on Disney Channel. I couldn't help but squeal looking at those cougar cubs and the dog.

I swear I almost cried when one of the cubs got taken away by the eagle.
Aiyoh, you pansy...a cub gets eaten also you shed tears. Drama drama drama -.-'

I was told by a few people who were watching it with me that I was EXACTLY like the black cougar cub.

*after seeing the black cougar cub trying to scare the big bear*
"OMG XANNE, IT REALLY IS LIKE YOU!"
"How so?"
"See it goes acting like a hero trying to scare the bear which is a lot bigger than him, but then the bear freaks him out and it runs away and hides in the bushes. It's so like you when you're picking a fight with me"
"That's a lie and you know it!"
"Okay, fine, but did you see the part it comes out of its home? It's so mischievious and stubborn like you!"
"That part of it is true. I know I'm cute like the cougar cub"
"Who said anything about you being cute now huh?"
"Oh. You, Skizzy, are dead"

But in all seriousness, the little black cougar cub is a bit like me.

May, is that a sign or what?

*****

Yesterday, I found out that I stole a book from my old high school library.

Okay, I didn't exactly steal a book. I just didn't return the book I borrowed from the library in 2003 or 2004.

I am a bibliomaniac.

*****

Aimee, I know why the first card I sent you didn't reach you.

My mother used a 20 cents stamp instead of a 30 cents one.

Epic fail -.-'

(How do I know of this? The card got sent back to my house and they circled the stamp)

FAIL.
FAIL.
FAIL.

*****

Skizzy, help me. I think I'm going to hell with all the squealing I'm doing.

It's not even funny anymore, it's driving me crazy!


HELP!

I could not ask for more.

Okay, this is post number 400.

Wow. That's just insane.

Oh well, happy 400th!

*****

Guess what? Due to constant abuse by my mother, my old PC fondly known as Tomas has died.

The power button on the CPU has finally given way, so now I am unable to retrieve the songs I downloaded for the wedding.

But no worries, I'm a resourceful little kitty and I managed to find some songs online. But most of my assignments and songs are in there.

I'm feeling blue.

*****

Today was wonderful.

Wonderful isn't even the right word.

So the best friend who is back from burning things in Medan came over at 10AM for our little trip. Can this girl get any skinnier? She's so horribly skinny it makes me feel like I'm a MASSIVE walrus.

Anyways, we set off to Menara Standard Chartered which is right next to Pavilion for our spa trip. Both of us picked the aromatherapy massage while my mother picked the Swedish massage.

We got to our designated rooms and I saw my masseuse. She looked kind of stern but she was super-friendly.
"This is the shower cap. This is the disposable panties"
*holds it up*
"This small part is the back and this is the front"
"And that's your towel. I'll be back in a few minutes"

So I changed and waited. She came back and rubbed salt on my body for the body scrub treatment and started interrogating me. The usual "Are you mixed?" and "What are you doing?" kind of questions.

After that, the three of us spent 20 minutes in the steam bath. It was freaking hot but tolerable to my standards.

Then, we had to take a bath to get rid of the salt. Next came the massage. More conversation ensued.

She has four kids, lives around Batu Caves, enjoys doing the wedding decorations, thinks men are the biggest wuss in the world (this had me in stitches albeit being uncomfortable lying face down) and thinks black and white with a hint of red at a Malay wedding is uber cool (I like the idea too, who cares what those old folks think!).

One thing that baffles me about these masseuses in general is that they know exactly which part of your body hurts.

*massages back*
"Your back hurts, doesn't it? I bet it's because you sit in front of the PC"

Damn psychic this woman. How do they know?!

We were done by 1PM and the other two were saying how quiet their masseuses were and how chatty mine was. I know it was supposed to be relaxing and all, but I actually like it when people talk to me rather than just stay silent (I know one person I can doze off to when they're talking to me...but that happens at night when bouts of insomnia are rampant).

Then guess what the best friend said?
"You know my masseuse was telling about how thin I was and I told her it was in the genes. She says to me 'But your mum and your elder sister aren't as skinny as you, they're normal what!'. I told them that you weren't my sister or mother"

Do I look that old?

I look fat, but definitely NOT old.

Then we had lunch and we decided to celebrate our "early" 21st birthday. Since we weren't going to be around for our birthdays (hers is on the 19th of August...you know when my birthday is, right!), I thought we'd celebrate it early.

My father is a joker, seriously.
"Take the candle off the cake! The wax will melt on the cake!"


Uncle fiddling with the cake and the box.


Uncle is so technology-unfriendly -.-'

He made us blow the candle almost 10 times (I am not joking) just to get a shot of us because by the time he took the photo, we already blew the candles. We almost burnt the restaurant down.

Eh, it's not our fault he's so slow, okay!


After 10 attempts, we have a winner, folks.


My little sister and I. Woman, why the hell are you so skinny-lah? I look like I'm eyeing the cake. Stupid thing *slaps self*

I had the time of my life (pun very much intended to annoy someone) today and I definitely wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you, little sister, for the wonderful time today. I love you. Can't wait for the next time you come home.

Stop burning things and polluting the air when you go back to Medan!

*****

I heard my song on the radio just now and I flipped out in joy, channelling my inner Christian Finnegan.

I just love how one song can make your day seem so much brighter.

*****

Since this entry is entry number 400, I thought I'd post up my top 10 favourite songs.

01. Yellow - Coldplay/Wonderwall - Oasis.
02. I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin McCain.
03. We Might Fall - Ryan Star.
04. Makeover - David Cook.
05. Mr. Brightside - The Killers.
06. Last Train Home - Ryan Star.
07. Roxanne - The Police/George Michael.
08. Stars - The Cranberries.
09. Searchlights - David Cook.
10. December/Money Love - Juke Kartel.

WHAT WHAT WHAT? DAVID COOK IS NOT AT NUMBER ONE???
*gasps*
The horror.

*rolls eyes*

I am quite sane okay? Contrary to popular belief, my life hasn't been completely taken over by him, thank you very much.


Oh well. I need to go and create mayhem in the house. I'm trying to figure out how to bring Tomas back to life. Half of my songs are in there especially some of the oldies I promised my parents.

=(

Someday I'll be on top, high above you all.

Short update to say a few things.

01. I was crying non-stop the whole of yesterday. It wasn't pretty, I was switching from crying to being a grumpy cow with people. To make matters worse, listening to Michael Johns made me cry. I mean I was crying to David's takes on Always Be My Baby and I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing and I'm used to it already, but honestly. Crying to Michael Johns? Good lord, that was strange. A few things that transpired between my mother and I caused this rather weird irrigation system in my eyes. Will only talk about it if asked by people I consider close enough to let them in on this issue.


02. I have been eyeing this diamond necklace worth RM398 I saw in Bangsar Village 2 for the last one month. On Friday, I was rather excited about the necklace so I joked with my mother saying that she'll buy it for me. Yesterday, we got to the shop and asked the staff to take the LAST necklace (they only had five of it) and my parents asked me if I wanted it. Guess what I said?

I said NO.

They were taken aback and told me to reconsider.

I told them "Okay fine, let me go into the shoe shop next door to prevent myself from being influenced by other things here".

I did that and started texting my 17 years.
"So I'm at the shop and they're getting me the necklace I was bitching to you about"
"And you're getting it? Yay you!"
"I said NO"
"The fuck did you do that for woman?"
"I just realised I don't need it anymore"
"Is it because you feel like you're costing your parents money on this when they're spending a lot for the wedding?"
"No, you know they wouldn't mind about that. How do you think I got the white gold ring I wear lately?"
"It's because of what your mother said, right? That's got to be why you fucking said no to a necklace worth that much!"
"Yes...no...maybe. I don't know. Partly, I guess"
"So you're saying no?"
"Yes, I'm saying I don't want it"
"Jesus, woman. You've been holding out for a month for that elusive thing and now when someone wants to get it for you, you're saying no?"
"Yes"
"Damn, bless your husband with utter patience and strength to handle you. It's amazing how I am able to stand your madness for 17 years"
"You love me, that's why"
"Talk to you later, sweets. Yau char kuay later?"
"You bet"

I went back into the shop and told my parents and the staff there very bravely:
"It's okay. I don't want it. I'm sure of it, so don't ask me again"

So yeah, I said no to something I had my eyes on for one month. You must be thinking I am crazy. Or smart. Or both.


03. I had no idea that David Cook's camera face began from the Top 24. You know, the time where he had that hair I hated to bits because it was long and too god-damn straight? It's amazing to see that progression. Like what mate said once about his hair: "From rocker hair to 'ah beng' hair to gentleman's hair". Hahaha! Seriously, go watch his performance of Happy Together in YouTube and compare it with uh...say...Always Be My Baby or The World I Know. You will understand our views on his 'ah beng' hair.


04. Oh my god. Gordon Ramsay was at the British GP and he supports McLaren! OMG HE SUPPORTS BOTH MY TEAMS! HE SUPPORTS CHELSEA AND MCLAREN MERCEDES!

I squealed when I saw him in front of my dad. That was amusing albeit a little embarrassing. Hello, squealing at a man who is like forty-something in front of your father is strange. EXTREMELY.


05. Lewis won on home soil! OMG I was so happy for him and I nearly cried seeing the elation etched on his pretty face. It reminded me of the day David won. The tears were there and seeing them speak after being on such a high and having the time of their lives (pun intentionally intended) made me want to hug my TV screen and not let go.


06. And Felipe Massa almost killed a rabbit off the track! As did Lewis. Have mercy on those poor bunnies! But you have to admit, it was quite amusing to see the rabbits running off the grassy side of the track when the cars came swerving at them.


07. I learnt that when you're upset, the best song to make you smile when you're unhappy is "Hungry Like The Wolf". You know which version. Haha.


08. Exams begin tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I will be away and probably not going to update until next Monday, which is when my last paper is over.

In case you miss me, which is highly unlikely, go listen to lots of Paolo Nutini, David Cook, Axium, MidWest Kings and Michael Johns. And whatever you know I listen to.

OR...GO WATCH THIS.
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION AT 1:30 ONWARDS.

Oh, you know what I'm thinking.


And to think I said this was a short update. Pfft.

I haven't got a clue.

I folded 100 cards and managed to get my right thumb cut along the way.

One more chapter to go for Social Psych.

Yay!!! *does handstand*

The library is now officially my second home.


I have a sudden urge to toss my oversized Wisconsin sweater aside because everytime I wear it, it makes me want to cry. All those memories. They hurt, in a good way.

Personally, my favourite song from the Analog Heart album.

I know I've been saying it like a million times already, but hell, I'd give just about anything just to go back to Wisconsin again. I just feel like crying right now.


Damn it, where's the magic rainbow when you need it to cheer you up?


Oh well, the stupid random pirate joke will do.

Hate floods my body and thoughts cloud my mind.

The cat is out of the bag. It's going to scratch you in the face. Please don't ask me anything about this cat. Go ask my parents or my brother, thanks very much. I'm not liable for whatever they have planned.

I am away. Studying. No shit, Sherlock.

I managed to complete three chapters from the Social Psych textbook. Another two to go.

Can you people please be proud that I actually am studying and NOT stalking some person?

Well, there are the occassional moments of spazzing out due to a massive overdose of 'magic rainbow' on the radio. BUT IT DOESN'T COUNT!

And then there was that major gem of a song beautiful song called Always Be My Baby (THE version I love) being played on the radio. I screamed at my Scouser, who actually screamed with me this time and didn't grumble. I couldn't stop smiling after that because it was rather unexpected to hear it on the radio again.


A few days ago, I was thinking about the friends who will be going overseas soon. I realised that in a year's time, I won't be here too. It makes me feel a whole bunch of things.

FINE.
Freaked out. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.

I can't wait. And you know what?

I'm going to miss my parents the most.
Especially my mother.
She's my gossipping partner, my football partner, my glee face twin, my random magic rainbow crooner.
Everything.

I told her "When I go, you won't have anyone to talk about American Idol with or fight with anymore".
She told me "Good-lah, by then I'd have a grandchild and I'd be preoccupied, won't have to think about fighting with you".

I have made up my mind. ABMB is the theme song of my life. Maybe quite possibly, my mother's too.


I might be going to Pangkor in August after the madness and all.
Hope that pans out the way I want it to.

Nothing has changed.

Dear 17 years who has a name that can beat a railroad track,

I love you, for always being there when I need you.
I love you, for letting me call you when I have my bouts of insomnia and not making a fuss when I finally fall asleep halfway through our conversation.
I love you, for tolerating my incessant fangirl tendencies.
I love you, for not being afraid to sing cheesy pop songs of the 90s era with me in random places.
I love you, for allowing me to be your best friend for the last 17 seasons of love.

Happy 21st birthday, sweetheart. I wished that you'd see a magic rainbow today and that it would remind you of me (and the current TV boyfriend).

I don't have any cake to offer, but guess who does?

David Cook does! Cupcakes are still cakes-lah, okay? Shut up.


Oh look! Michael Johns also wishes you "HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!" by showing you a little skin. Haha, you're old enough for that now, aren't ya?


John Terry decided to make a special cameo as well, because he loves you for loving him and believes that you deserve nothing but the best on your special day.


You are my best friend sempiternally and I wouldn't change anything about that.

17 seasons of love = 8,935,200 minutes. That's what you mean to me =)


Lots of love, hugs, kisses and winks,
The one with bigger feet.

Let's all copulate with engineers.

Warning: I am not feeling happy. I haven't been taking my Happyzacs lately. So sorry if I offended you. The 'X' button is up there if you can't tolerate me or my ramblings.

So yesterday, I was somewhat reunited with one of my ex-classmates online, thanks to the intervention of another classmate of mine. We talked about life, studies and everyone's favourite four-letter word...

LOVE.

Like what we used to do in school, we teased each other about having boyfriends. One of us said that she feels sad she has no boyfriend, to which I said "It's okay, let's enjoy singledom while the right one comes along".

Since another one is leaving to Australia in July, this same friend told her not to go after Aussie guys and make them potential boyfriends (give me a Mikey Johns, Toby Rand or Curtis Stone any day and I'd die a happy woman, pretty much).

They then kept prodding me about my boyfriend. At that point, I asked mate if I should notify them of the existence of my TV boyfriend. She said no, because they might go gaga over him. True, since TV boyfriend is somewhat precious to me.

I don't know how we switched from talking about boyfriends to getting married.

They began asking questions like "When are you getting married?", "What kind of job would your husband have?" and "How old should your husband be?".

They began stating that they want to get married when they are 26 onwards. And they both want engineer husbands.
"Engineers make good husbands"

They noticed how quiet I was (more because I was clearly uninterested in the topic) so they asked me the same question.

I had half a mind to answer "Oh I want a rockstar husband and I'll get married when I am 30 and have five kids and two dogs with him".

But the logical side of me waved aside that idea, so being the hapless romantic that I am, I said "I wouldn't to marry someone because of their job statuses, I'd rather marry them for who they are on the inside".

Wah...so deep right?

They agreed with me and I could tell they sensed my slight annoyance, they shifted to an entirely new topic.


I don't like talking about marriage now, especially when it's not my time to even think about it.
"You marry your books!"

I probably am being the only romantic lovefool in my class then and now, as every time people would bring up the issue of "Was your parents' marriage based on love or was it arranged?", I would answer 'love' and their reactions would somewhat surprise me.

Don't get me wrong, I have thought about my dream wedding.
Champagne gold-coloured gown, rockstar husband, Bali beachside wedding, garden reception, watched only by close friends and relatives.

It's just that I don't have time to think about this when there are more things to worry about...like "Will I graduate on time?", "Where to go next?", and "How many days til I leave KL?".

Or even "Will I ever be somebody in their eyes?".


My MSN display name has the numbers "525,600". What do those numbers mean?

Those are how many minutes you have in a year.

I learnt from many people close to me who have passed away that "Make every minute count".

So that's what I'm doing.
I am not going to worry about how great engineers are as husbands.
I am not going to worry about how sad my life is because I don't have a boyfriend.
I am not going to worry about how old I'll be when I get married.

Because I want to make every minute count by not wasting precious time worrying about these grouses.


On another note, I accidentally called this guy who is trying to get my attention/love 'boyfriend' this morning.

I don't want to cry, but the tears are there.

I just wanna fly.

Yesterday morning, I was late for class.

I was yelled at for being late, when in truth, I wasn't the one who was late.

They were too happy yelling at me that they forgot to give me my pocket money.

Way to start your morning, eh?

I was walking and started feeling annoyed and everything else thrown in, when I inhaled the air though, all I wanted to do was cry.

The air smelt like Wisconsin.

No, the air wasn't polluted. Wisconsin air was lovely to breathe in.

A sudden pang of sadness hit me.

I want to go back to Wisconsin.




Every time May and June come around, this happens. I miss those moments there.

I want to walk on the Golden Gate Bridge, this time until the end and back.


What do I want for my 21st birthday?
A tattoo.
A fedora.
A ticket to Wisconsin or Los Angeles (So that I can be converted into Scientology HAHAHA! You know I am just kidding).

Other than that, I have turned boring and uninterested.

Oh wow. You, shocked? Don't be.

Let me just say...

No, my absence from the virtual world was not due to the fact I was watching the American Idol Season 7 three-day marathon.

It was because of the powers that be in TM have conspired with Bill Gates and David Archuleta against me to screw up my Internet connection by killing my modem.


Because of the untimely death of my modem, I had no way of talking to anyone online or download my notes/journals and get my work done.

As a result, I spent the last three days in front of my TV, watching American Idol reruns and falling in love with my boyfriend who (as every Ah Beng, Ali and Anand knows, I forgot his name right after his audition) is sempiternally immaculate.


Boyfriend ah, my mother likes you better now. You should be happy that a 62-year-old lady thinks you're gorgeous and you deserve to win.

*shuts up*


Don't miss me so much, if in case you need to talk to me, you know how to find me. Pick up the phone and vote call me.

Toodles!

You can hear me say...

that Operation Chocolate Chip Cookies was a success.

Well, almost. 7 cookies were burnt. Hahaha. That's not bad, since I made close to 140 cookies. Wah, rather ambitious for someone who's not even doing ANY kind of work in the kitchen, don't you think?

The brother ate about 8 cookies.
"What prompted this change?" he asked in a rather mocking and surprised tone.

I was half tempted to say "It's David Cook day and this is how I'm celebrating!".

But that answer was a BIG lie, so I told him the truth.
"Every time I have a semester break, I always say I want to bake cookies, but I never have the chance to do it. I decided to do the cookies today"

He said it was good for a first attempt, but the shape was a little off. Hey, my cookies are nicely-shaped okay?

When he first stepped into the house after work, I rushed out of the kitchen and gave him a cookie.
"Try it"
"You made cookies?"
"Yes"
"I'm trying to think of the risks"
-.-"
Damn insurance people.

He ate it and pretended to faint (ala David Cook during the Day Tripper performance).

Well, the good thing was that he said it was good, so I am happy.


My lovely eejit called and asked "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, ARE YOU MAKING COOKIES TO CELEBRATE DC'S DAY?". Yes, she was shouting those words at my ears.

"No, you random screaming fool, I'm not baking them for him"

To which my Scouser decide to conveniently interrupt and say "Did you know that 10 minutes into making the cookies and she's already cut her finger? With the aluminium foil that wraps the chocolate bar?".

All she could say to me was "Major epic fail on your part, Xanne". I could see her shake her head in disbelief.

You would also be quite surprised to know that yours truly here used a spoon instead of her hands to roll the dough.

As we do not have an oven in our house (We had TWO, but my parental units are awesomely generous, so they gave them both away! WTF!), we had to use this pan which allows you to bake cookies (it sort of acts like an oven). 15 balls for 25 minutes. We only started baking the cookies at around 7PM. We were officially done with the dough at 2AM this morning.

Total chocolate chip cookies made: 135.
Total cookies given away to family friend: 12.
Total cookies eaten by the brother: 8.
Total cookies eaten by the mother and myself: 10.
Total cookies left: 105.

I consider Operation Chocolate Chip Cookies a success.

I feel accomplished right now. I am extremely proud of myself.

I guess this is THE achievement of the year for me.
*beams*

Currently listening to:
Therapy - Axium.

It's therapy for me to wear my heart on my sleeve...


Have I told you how much I love David Cook's music pre-American Idol?

I actually wrote a nice long post to celebrate David Cook day yesterday, but I decided to not continue with it. I have my reasons.

One day more to madness.