Be my muse, please?

I feel like a failure at this point.

I don't know if I have lost my muse, but it didn't work for me last night and right now. It was working for me all the way until 9PM last night.

I will not talk about going to the prom, dresses and anything else in between until I sort myself out.

Mother-flipping basket of cookies, I've never been more disappointed in myself in my life right now.


Can someone please take me to Bangsar Village so we can have a lovely chocolate fondue session at Theobroma so I can drown my sorrows by eating chocolates and gaining extra weight?

It's raining and I am hurting.

Remember I once had some trouble with my left knee two years ago? I had a bruised cartillage behind my left kneecap, which almost rendered me unable to walk a short distance or even do the things that made me happy like sports?

Yeah, well. It's back and the pain is as bad as before. I can't do anything without wincing in pain every 30 seconds. I hate feeling weak and I cried for a short while (say a minute).

At this rate, I'm thinking I might have to use a wheelchair in order to get around.

Sorry if I sound whiny and needy and all those things, I have a right to whine. Just when I thought this pain would go away and leave me alone, old wounds open up again.

You may think I am just a hypochondriac, but this pain I am feeling now, it's real alright. It's as real as the eyebags under my eyes.

I am relying heavily on Perskindol to reduce the pain.

If I don't update, well, you know where to find me. I'll be busy typing out my random assignments and research proposal and what-nots.
*whimpers in pain*

Until later.

Incarcerate, rest peacefully.

I hate celebrating my birthday alone but I refuse to have a party.
I know now why I always end up feeling gloomy and upset on my birthdays.

Hopefully, this year...it would be different.


Makeover has got to be my favourite track from the Analog Heart album.
Finally, I learnt the art of not breaking down when people around you are having a bitch fit.

How?
01. Listen to songs.
02. Watch stupid videos and stupid boys you adore with, probably, your life.
03. Being a housemaid and cleaning your sanctuary/room.
04. Do crossword puzzles.
05. Sleep and dream of people or things that make you smile.


Shall not talk about what happened today because for all I care, I'm living in the now and if people can't learn to let grudges go, it's not my problem. It's theirs.


Thank you for being concerned, but like I told you earlier:
"I am going to be okay. My tears aren't worth their time"


I probably won't be blogging any time soon. With everything that's going on plus the low blood pressure symptoms coming back again, I just need some time for myself to think and see myself beyond the person in the mirror staring back at me.

Love you people all the same!

Just in case you miss your fix of my mad ramblings of this man =)

I haven't got a clue.

I folded 100 cards and managed to get my right thumb cut along the way.

One more chapter to go for Social Psych.

Yay!!! *does handstand*

The library is now officially my second home.


I have a sudden urge to toss my oversized Wisconsin sweater aside because everytime I wear it, it makes me want to cry. All those memories. They hurt, in a good way.

Personally, my favourite song from the Analog Heart album.

I know I've been saying it like a million times already, but hell, I'd give just about anything just to go back to Wisconsin again. I just feel like crying right now.


Damn it, where's the magic rainbow when you need it to cheer you up?


Oh well, the stupid random pirate joke will do.

I will not stand in your way.

The last few days have been insane!

On Wednesday, I think I saw a dead body. I was in the car on the way home when I see a group of people on the side of the road looking rather anxious. I saw a silhouette of a man underneath an umbrella. I thought it was a worker taking a nap (since there was some construction work going on). I took a closer look from the car window, it was actually a man lying motionless, his eyes were wide open and not moving or blinking, and his mouth was dripping with blood. That just scared the living daylights out of me.


Thursday...what happened on Thursday? Oh yeah, Luiz Felipe Scolari was announced as the new Chelsea manager. There was no water in my housing area. Lucky for me, I could take a bath that morning. I had my quiz and came home and decided to dye my hair. Yes, we shall talk about that later. Then, as I was watching all the colour cascade down the sink, I put on the conditioner. And that's when the water begins to run out.

*water drips slowly*
*water supply dies*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Like, really. Worst thing to ever happen when you're washing your hair.

So I ran from the master bedroom's bathroom to the other bathroom upstairs.

*water dies after 5 seconds*
"OHMYGOD NOT AGAIN!!!"

So I run to my room and throw on some clothes, while complaining to mate online (who somehow thought it was funny that I was complaining to her while I still have conditioner in my hair).

I ran to the bathroom downstairs, hoping that there would be some water. The shower had no water. But there was water coming out from the side tap. I spent like a good 30 minutes under the tap, trying to get my hair conditioner-free.

I have never seen my towel soaking wet before.

I watched the Croatia-Germany match with my dad and it was hilarious.
"I want Croatia to win"
"Cannot, they made England lose out*! Even though I think the manager is very handsome, you cannot support them"
"It's not a matter of whether I think the manager is handsome or not, it's about rooting for the underdogs!"

*I only said it because he usually is quite bitter about teams that beat England. I am not so bitter. My bitterness tastes strongest when I see Portugal.

And this was just funny.
*sees German manager*
"Eh that's Jose ah?"
*stares blankly*
"No-lah! That's the German manager, his name is Joachim Loew"
"Oh, looks very young"
"Yeah"
"He looks like he's under thirty. He looks good and dresses well"

Hahaha!

My mother was mean. She called my TV boyfriend a "small-time rocker".
"Your DC is a small-time rocker, not like Bo or Daughtry!"
"How dare you insult my TV boyfriend?"
"I am not talking to you! Hmmph, insult my boyfriend. HAH!"

Jealous, much?


Today, I had to go out to make some clothes, buy some stuff and get my keloid-shrinking jab. The last plan failed to materialise, because the doctor's office was closed. Apparently, some people *cough* my father *cough* forgot to check his operating hours on Fridays.

*going up the stairs to hell the doctor's office*
"Okay, there is no chance of me running down, because I'm in the middle of you two and you'd catch me if I try to escape"

Yeah, yeah. Pansy.

I saw a couple of skinny ties, but they were being sold at RM29.90 each! WTF. I need two.
Ugh, someone take me out to The Tie Shop now!


I am so tired. I need sleep. Tomorrow is going to be as taxing as today. I'll be out in my second home and the area surrounding it in the morning and I have a 21st birthday party to attend at night.

Viva la Espana! Go Oranje!


I have a confession, by the way.

I have a crush on this man.

His name is Slaven Bilic. He is the manager of the Croatian football team, a rockstar, has his own band called Rawbau, plays guitar, has a law degree; all of which make him almost incredibly endearing.

Why almost?

Bugger smokes-lah. WTF.

But he is ten kinds of awesome.

Go watch this video of their song for Croatia for the EURO 2008 campaign, Vatreno Ludilo.


No, I have not betrayed my TV boyfriend (you do realise he is called TV boyfriend for a reason, right?).

I'm just trying not to bore you to death about him because the majority of the people who read this dislike him.

On another random but related note to the picture above, I heard the studio version on the radio and I started squealing because I didn't expect to hear THAT song on the radio! Everyone and their cats know I love that version.

That just made my night.

Little things make me happy.

I remember losing hope.

At the rate things are going, with the oil prices going up...I am pretty sure the price of gas wiil go up, which will eventually lead to the price hikes in food and beverages as well.

So will the price of electricity too.

I can foresee my mother's book-wrapping fee going up as well. Yes, my mother charges me a fee to wrap my books. She wants to be paid 25 cents extra now.

Basically everything will go up.

Leaving burnt holes in the pockets of my jackets and pants.

Bloody hell, how-lah now? EVERY BLOODY THING IS GOING UP.

I cannot survive the price hikes. I am going to starve.

I am announcing that I am going to be a fruitarian.

If you don't know what that means, go watch Notting Hill. You will understand my point of converting into a fruitarian.

Let's all eat grass and copulate with engineers now, shall we?

Look out, baby because here I come.

I actually typed out a few posts, but they're all saved as drafts because I don't want them to be published yet due to some inexplicable reasons.

Sorry, I haven't been in the best of moods of late. I have been having nightmares, I'm too afraid to fall asleep lately.

*****

I swore I cried when I saw Kimi Raikkonen's car hit the back of Adrian Sutil's Force India car.
I was highly impressed with the way Adrian Sutil drove last night, he was up to fourth!
And to see him tear up after missing what could have been 5 valuable points...my goodness.
I felt like my heart was stabbed and sliced into pieces.

But, yay Lewis! After what happened, he won.

Two out of my three favourites won.

I shouldn't feel sad.

*****

SACKED.

Thank you.

Now let Jose go back to Chelsea so that I can stalk him when they come to KL in July, please.

*****

I have been busy doing things. I was trying to find a muse for my Human Personality assignment.

I was going to be absolutely lazy and decided to stick papers and pictures on my art block.

I am getting lazier now. Wow, what a shocker.
*rolls eyes*

Just because I have mastered the art of making chocolate chip cookies (or the art of loving thy kitchen), it doesn't mean I've found my creativity bone too.

BUT.

I have found my muse.

His name is David Cook.

*hears groans*

Shut up, I say!


No, I am not drawing his face! Oh my goodness, didn't I tell you I have no creativity bone in my body? Have you not been paying attention to me AT ALL?
Shame on you.


And uh, writing and pasting pictures all over his pretty face?
You must be joking. Why in the world would I do that? I am not crazy!



You'll see soon enough. I'll show it to you soon enough. After Friday. Haha.


I'll give you a hint.

I don't know anybody in this room and I'm not wearing pants.

Hahaha, you know this!

*****

My father is so random.

I started ranting to my parents about how this particular group who believe that the school uniform is too sexy (yeah, I know...WTF) were also the same people who thought Gwen Stefani's sense of dressing is too sexy (yeah, again, WTF...my mother thinks Gwen Stefani isn't that sexy).

Then suddenly, he talks about watching the TV after the news. He said he was watching some video clips, and then he saw one that really caught his attention.

"The song was really nice, I like the beat"
"Who was it?"
"Rihanna or something"
*stares at mother*
*stares at me*
"Umbrella?"
"NO! THAT SONG IS AWFUL! It's some Don't Stop the Music or something"
*starts laughing hysterically*
"Eh that's the song David sang right?"
*nods and continues laughing*

(You see, we were thinking that he was going to complain about how sexy the artiste's dressing was...he built up the story to a climax...then he goes and says "I like that Don't Stop the Music song". Way to ruin my expectations, uncle)

Great, now the image of my father watching the hipshaking version of that song is etched in my mind.

I need to get it out.


Currently listening to:
Get Ready - American Idol top 12 group medley.

Love for sale.

I am currently feeling very jumpy over my keloid jab. I fear this will hurt badly. I know I won't be able to sleep or eat properly. The keloid has shrunk so much and I know now it will hurt.

All this while, I am very afraid of needles and injections but not to the point of feeling like I am going to shit in my pants.

I might just cry in the doctor's room later.

I am scared.

I'm listening to songs from Axium and MidWest Kings and American Idol and David Cook, I am still feeling my heart pounding fast.


They should put me under anaesthetics or sedate me when they give me a jab or something. I am too scared right now.

I know I won't pass out...but I think I will cry.


And the father thinks it's funny to say "How old are you? You're 20! Stop behaving like you are four!".

Don't make me tell the doctor to jab you 8 times at one spot, okay? See how you like that.


Have I told you that I'm scared?

Fly away...

Okay. The last couple of days have been just great. Tomorrow is going to be bad, I know. Keloid jab number 4. I am so flipping scared now...I need someone to hold my hand and wipe my tears, please?

Fine, just someone to hold my hand would do. I don't cry over injections. Just whimper.


I am being lazy in not updating here because I have tonnes of things to do (yes, staring at David Cook is considered as having tonnes of things to do).

But no worries, I'll be back before you know it, so don't miss me =)

Nah, just in case you do. More of David Cook goodness.


Yes, please make fun of me. I fail in life because I can't ride a bicycle. Or cook.


*slobbers all over the keyboard*


OhmyGod, his feet are like my brother's! Why is he getting skinnier now? =(


Lucky dolphin, you.


*swoons* Why are you so pretty? And good-looking? And just absolutely hilarious?


My mother thinks you're not funny. Pfft, what does she know? I think you AARRRRRRRRRRRE!

Shut up, manslut-worshipper.


I am only doing this so that I will worry about tomorrow's keloid jab when the time comes.

I'm so scared, hold me.


And to my 17 years, you will be pleased to hear that Operation Chocolate Chip Cookies (CCC) will commence this Thursday or Friday. I shall let you know the outcome and save some for you.


I saw Tomas on the telly before they showed the Liverpool match...and my God, I missed him. Get better soon, okay?


AND I HATE CHELSEA'S NEW HOME KIT. ARGH!

I'll be off now and oh, I need four songs more to make my David Cook album collection complete. 5 out of 6 albums in the bag. If I get the 4 songs, life would just wonderful.

Blue is the colour. Indefinitely.

I meant to post earlier, but I was too elated for words to say, all I did was cry.


Last week, I said I smelt Moscow. Today, I knew I wasn't wrong.

I woke up at 2:20AM with Michael Johns serenading me, telling me to "Dream On". I got to the living room with David (name has been changed due to constant whining of a certain member of society). I was alone.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee which the mother made (she asked me the night before if I was staying up to watch the match and if I wanted a pot of coffee).

I sat there with David on my lap, talking to Renny online. The match made me tense, at one point I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Didi missed a glorious opportunity to score and I started yelling loudly at the TV.

At that point, the father woke up and came down to watch the match with me. My screams woke him up =/

And then he started saying how much he wanted Chelsea to win because Liverpool ruined Arsenal's season (or something like that). That's a first.

And then the brother came down and headed straight for the kitchen. As soon as he came out of the kitchen, Didi scored.

The brother got mad with his team and ran off to continue sleeping.

Score: 1-0. Aggregate: 2-1.


Almost reaching Moscow. Or so I thought.

Nando Torres had to score for Liverpool.

Score: 1-1. Aggregate: 2-2.

I almost burst into tears because we were the better side, we deserved it. We were THIS close of Moscow and glory, I didn't want it to be taken away like that.

I feared a penalty shoot-out would seal our fate.

Renny and I began praying to Lampsy's mother to ask her to help our boys once more.

I got hungry and the father was happily munching on something, forgetting to offer me some of it. Hmmph. Stingy uncle. When I'm nervous I either eat or bite my nails, like crazy. So, that was how nervous I was.

And then, he starts talking about Arsenal and the what could've beens for them. Somehow I don't know where the January transfer season topic came into the picture. I love him, he's so random.

Thank God for extra time.

I honestly was sobbing when Lampsy took the penalty and scored it. I cried. He dedicated it to his mother, which was sweet and lovely. I just had to cry.

And then Didi scores another. I started sobbing. In front of my dad, which is VERY strange. I yelled "MOSCOW! WE'RE GOING TO MOSCOW!" out of pure elation.

Score: 3-1. Aggregate: 4-2.


Oh dear, I got scared when Babel scored for Liverpool a few minutes before the whistle was blown.

Score: 3-2. Aggregate: 4-3.

The final whistle was finally blown, and I have never cried this much for a football match. I was too happy.

I called my trusted 17 years also known as the eejit to say "This could be our year".

My Liverpool kawan told me hours before the match:
"No matter what happens during the match and which team wins, Man United must be stopped"

They will be. Moscow will be painted blue.

Blue is the colour, football is our game,
We're all together, and winning is our aim,
So cheer us on through the sun and rain,
'Cause Chelsea, Chelsea is our name.


I have to say I am sorry to my friends who support Liverpool, you all do realise I am a closet Liverpool fan so it means I care about you and your team.

And I got really mad at the commentator for saying that ugly Grant did what Jose couldn't do. What the hell was that about? This is the team Jose left him with (save Nicolas Anelka), they are STILL Jose's boys! NOT AVRAM GRANT'S!

DAMN YOU TO HELL, YOU STUPID COMMENTATOR!

Even the father said "Actually they don't really need ugly Grant to coach them, they have everything they know and learnt from Jose so they are capable of doing it on their own". See, I knew he had a soft spot for Jose after all.


MOSCOW. MOSCOW. MOSCOW.


Right, so can someone buy me a ticket to Moscow then? I can go hook up with my Russian spy/best friend there! Whee!

DONATE TO MY "LAWATAN SAMBIL BELAJAR KE MOSCOW" FUND GENEROUSLY, PLEASE.

I love my boys, I am so proud of them too =)

I love Chelsea FC, David Cook and toe socks. Not in that exact order.

Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away.

So much for sleeping til noon and annoying people with reasons why I am obsessed about David Cook today.


Last night during the prayer service, the father's late best friend's kids and I talked about our loves and loathes of our high schools. I told them about my ex-class teacher who taught me Biology in Form 5, about how nice and strict she can be at times.

This morning at about 7:45, one of my juniors called me up and said that she passed away of a heart attack.

You see, this teacher of mine would have turned 29 this year on the same day I would turn 21 on the 6th of October (yes, we share our birthdays). She was a mother of twins, born about almost two years ago. I went to her wedding 3 years ago right after passing my computer test for my driving license.

*cue the numbing of all brain activities*

I was about to hurl a series of expletives at that little junior of mine, but all that escaped my lips was a muffled "What? ".

She was 29 and had a family and she taught Biology, for goodness sake! How was it that she passed away suddenly of a heart attack?

It had to be a mistake, maybe she meant another teacher, I figured.

But she told me it was definitely her.


Whoa. Nice way to wake up, ain't it?

So, I tried calling my ex-classmates to inform them, but to no avail, they all were fast asleep. I just sent them text messages.

Calls after calls, texts after texts. My brain was definitely out of sync with whatever was happening around me. I felt sorry for breaking the news to most of my friends who were having their finals this week. Especially the two class monitors who were close to her.

I had a lift from another classmate (no names shall be disclosed for fear of the powerful tool that is Google will lead unwanted eyes reading my thoughts here) since the father had to go out and run some errands. On the way, we picked up another two classmates in Kepong.

We all were too stunned. How could this happen? I wanted to cry but being the stoic donkey that I am when someone has passed away, you could see no tears streaming down my cheeks.

We got lost halfway and when we got to her house, they were already taking the body to the cemetery. We went to the cemetery to pay our last respects to our teacher, one who made my last year of high school a pretty much enjoyable one.

There had been times I was annoyed with her, but at times I just enjoyed listening to her stories, even though Biology was never my forte as most people would have come to understand.

We asked our other former teachers what happened...she had a sudden heart attack last night and passed away at 11PM. They were in shock too, as was everyone else who knew her.


Calls and text messages have been pouring in on my phone since the burial. I knew they were all too shocked to say much to comprehend anything. I still am, anyway.

To think we were all planning to have a reunion somewhere within these two weeks and we were going to invite her.

All the high school memories are coming back to me now. It's all coming back to me now. I'm getting a wee bit nostalgic now =(



Innalillahwainnalillahhiroji'un to the late Puan Jun. You will be missed.

Indefinitely.


Close your eyes, just pretend the bullet isn't there.
Makeover - David Cook.

I want to close my eyes and pretend so much that this bullet of a news did not hurt me.

I fail. It pierced right through me and the wound just won't seem to heal.


Can someone please prick me with a needle so that the tears will start rolling already?

Indefinitely.

I feel a bit better thanks to the massive amount of David Cook fangirling I did the last two days.

The symptoms did come back again yesterday evening after I met up the parents in McD's after collecting some stuff from the main block. I felt my chest getting tight, I was out of breath, and my heart was pounding really fast.

At that point, I was thinking of crying because of how fragile I've become lately.

In case you don't know what happened to me, refer to the post below this.

But no worries, after my exams, I'll be getting myself a medical check-up and lots of rest.

I'll be fine, don't I always end up fine?

*****

So. What has this person named David Cook done to me, you ask?

I am proud to say that he has killed me.

See, that obsession with Blake Lewis is NOT as serious as this.

I have my reasons, which I shall talk about when I am free. On Sunday.

Let me annoy you with pictures then.


Oh yes, he did. I just cried more.


HAHAHAHA! Made me laugh and squeal like a mad fool.

"We're DYING to know, are you single?"

When we heard this question, the mother being herself, was talking to the TV.
"Yes, David answer it! It would make my daughter happy because she loves you"

Dear God, I was laughing when she said that. In front of my dad. Silly auntie.

Then he said "Yes, yes, yes".
Great, now a gugillion girls want to be his baby. Hahaha.

And then the mother's favourite, little David is told he is safe and was asked to go to the side he thought was the safe side. He followed Melinda Doolittle's footsteps and sat in the middle of the stage. Good move, boy. Smart.

So what does Mr. Seacrest (who is beginning to annoy me more and more with each passing day) do?

He tells that "if you get closer to the safe group, they'd have to come this way". And joined him, they did.

Especially David Cook.



Sorry, I just thought this was TOO adorable for words. I knew a few cats that died because of this, hahaha.

We ended up talking about this because I didn't want to worry him about my health.
"I thought it was just adorable"
"You remember you told me once you love someone who'd sit anywhere with you on the floor like that? I remember because you sat like that on the floor of the train station once and I yelled at you and you told me that and I called you crazy"

God, I seriously love it when people remember random things like this.


Okay, I shall shut up about David Cook already because I need to study for my Abnormal Psych paper tomorrow.

I will be fine, okay. Stop worrying like mad cows. If I ain't okay, then you're allowed to worry.

Currently listening to:
Always Be My Baby (studio version) - David Cook.

This has been on replay for the last two days. It's so brilliant. I know I say this to EVERY studio versions of his. But dear God, go listen to this and you will get my point.



P/S: I will hunt you down. Hahaha. Thanks for being here.

You'll always be my baby.

Hi all, this is not TTG. This is your friendly neighbourhood Scouser.

My dearest best friend will not be updating for a while not only because she is having her exams, she is also unwell.

As most of you may or may not know, she suffers from low blood pressure. She has been having it since she was 16 or 17. Until yesterday afternoon, she has shown somes signs that she has it but she is getting better.

Yesterday changed it. She was not herself. Her forehead was wet with cold sweat, she felt her chest was tight and that she couldn't breathe, she felt dizzy and had headaches, her heart was beating rapidly and irregularly, she had a backache and she even had diarrhoea and her stomach muscles felt tight. It was frightening for me because I've never seen her like this before. I've seen her being dizzy and having headaches and looking weak because of her hypotension, but this was the worst.

I told her to sleep because she was turning into David Cook and I didn't want to see her admitted in the hospital or get sick.
"I do NOT want to see this cookie crumble"

She could still laugh and ask me "If I were to marry someone who has high blood pressure and I have low blood pressure, would this make our children have normal blood pressure?".

Stupid fool, can still joke around when we are worried over your scrawny ass.

She thought it was just panic attacks so she let it be, and went to take a nap after being persuaded by her thoughtful friends, her mate and myself.

She felt worse last night and that's when she decided to check her blood pressure, so she got out the blood pressure monitor from the box and checked herself.

94/68.

LOW.

Her father bought her a bottle of 100PLUS and added salt into her cup to spike her pressure up.

She feels better now. All she needs now is rest and sleep.


She is currently watching David Cook sing Always Be My Baby (she got impatient and had ants in her pants) and she is in tears when she heard that voice and saw him cry. What they said and what she saw makes her feel like she is glad she rooted for him since the auditions.


DAVID COOK. YOU ARE MAKING MY FRIEND TURN INTO MUSH. INDEFINITELY.


I don't blame her for her current obsession, at least he seems like he has his feet rooted to the ground. Plus he can sing, for what it's worth. Who knew he could make a Mariah Carey song sound so beautiful that it brings tears to your eyes? I am in tears too as I type this, listening to him. So beautiful.

And is it just me or is that THE vest? And his hair!

My best friend will be back hopefully on Sunday or so, she needs all the rest she can get for now. She is facing the world with a smile while looking like a zombie. If you know her and in case you see her, please tell her to sleep. And feed her with something salty just to raise her blood pressure.


To TTG: Take good care of yourself and I know you will do well in your papers. Don't be too stressed out. I am NOT willing to see another of us in the hospital. I admit, your Cookie is special and amazing. I am a believer. Little David, you better be afraid. Very, very afraid.

Take care, love. You know I love you, my little 'cracked' cookie.


P/S: If you are not getting ANY rest now, by the power of the HOLY DREADLOCKS I will hunt you down =p

LMAO. I have successfully contaminated your little blog with the netspeak! *glee*

This is a public service announcement.

As mentioned in the title, I shall be away for about a week to study for my finals. So this my last post until next Saturday. Read my earlier posts if in case you do miss me.

*****

I have come to the conclusion that David Cook is the cause for the orgasms at 6PM (and every hour of the day). I am serious.


Liar, and you said you don't dance.

Sorry, Ryan Star. You know I love you.


"Your hands around my waist, just let the music play, we're hand-in-hand, chest-to-chest, and now we're face-to-face"

Oh yeah, did you know he's sexy and he can dance too?

My dorky word-nerd who is everything (pretty much everything) I love in a guy is also a fucking orgasms-inducing sex god.


*falls to the floor with a loud thud*


I am sad to inform you there will no longer be Mikey of the infamous Mikey and Cookie team on AI.

I can no longer talk about how happily in love those two are and how cute and silly they are with each other. Or other random little things about them I find somewhat amusing.

No more infamous Kleenex passes.
No more Islands in the Stream jokes.
No more vest and hat-sharing moments.
No more chestbumps.
No more stolen glances and hidden smiles.
No more love.
No more Mikey and Cookie.

Do you realise how sad I am? I thought they would both go to the top 2 together. They meant so much to me. And her. And her. And my Paulo.


WHY GOD WHY???

I WANT MICHAEL JOHNS BACK!!!


Cookie and Mikey will never be the same again with him gone.


NO FAIR! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!


Excuse me while I gently weep in the luxury of my own bathroom.



Michael Johns, I love you. So do most of my friends and Cookie too. I will miss you and I'm sure Cookie will miss you too.


I AM NOT AMUSED. I AM NOT HAPPY! I WANT MY MIKEY JOHNS BACK!


I AM FURIOUS! WHY??? MICHAEL JOHNS IS OBVIOUSLY BETTER THAN THAT BITCHY KLC AND SYESHA. WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE!!!

I AM NOT HAPPY. MIKEY SHOULD'VE STAYED. HE MAY HAVE TWO-LEFT FEET, BUT HELL HE CAN SING!


And I thought nothing would surprise me anymore. Oh I am so fucking wrong.

And yeah, guess what? I was watching the "Seasons of Love" video and I fucking cried. Yeah, that's how sad I am.

I love you and I miss you, every way.

While watching American Idol, my darling Scouser sent me a text that brought about old and rather sad, painful memories.
"Eh, he's singing Little Sparrow...didn't you write a poem called A Little Sparrow like 5 years ago?"

It's amazing how you actually remembered that. I thought you forgot how much it meant to me. I know you only knew her for 3 years before she passed away and that didn't make you very close to her, but I'm glad you still know how much this meant to me.

I wrote that piece when I was 16, almost 3 years after my best friend died of brain cancer. I was just 13. It was really upsetting to lose someone you told your secrets and crushes and other random things to cancer, what more if it is your best friend and especially at that young age. She was the prettiest and smartest one among the five of us. I loved her so much. There is never a day that passes that I never think of her. I sometimes feel she is with me, telling me why skies should be painted purple instead of blue.

She died on a Friday in the month of January, it was raining. And people said that it was a blessing that she passed away on a rainy Friday, it meant that the person would go to heaven. Wherever she is, I really hope she is happy.

I remember her favourite band of all time was BSB. And when they came down to KL recently, I couldn't help but think of her and her mad obsession for Nick Carter. She would have loved to see them live in concert, but she never got the chance to.

In her honour, I wear the blue wristband which says "Celebrate Life". If I don't wear it, I feel completely naked. Honestly. It's my way of having her with me.

I remember in the beginning we didn't like each other, thinking that we were both too stuck up. If it weren't for you, maybe we wouldn't have been friends. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here crying my eyes out for her death. But I thank you, because at least once in my life, I met someone like her.


Now what has this got to do with DC, you ask?

Simple. He was admitted into hospital yesterday for heart palpitations and high blood pressure. Apparently, his brother (he suffers from cancer) suffered a setback and this has worried DC. It really made me wonder...he is carrying a huge load in front of millions of people. It baffles me also how he seems composed and constantly delivers solid performances week after week when he is carrying that weight with him. If it were me, it will get to me in so many ways and I might crumble for a bit.

I just admire him for how brave he is for going through all this. I remember what it was like when she was still alive. I would wonder if she was ever going to get better. I never liked dealing with it but you just have to hope for the best, stay strong and be somewhat optimistic.

He was going to leave the show too. He wanted to be there for his brother, but he's also still in there for him. He knows how much it means to him. If someone is willing to walk away from something that could lead that to glory and fame for something they believe in, it tells me that this person knows what he or she values the most in life. You could value your Gucci shoes and YSL scents, but he believes family comes first.

For my best friend, she believed in our friendship. She made sure we were never sad when she was lying there sick in bed. We'd be rambling about stupid things which made her laugh like 'How ugly is that haircut on him!' or 'Who sucks: Westlife or Boyzone?'. We were our normal jovial selves when we were around her, but deep inside it hurt us like a blade going straight to our hearts. We never showed it but we know how exactly we felt.

It's not easy dealing with something this serious. I can imagine what he is going through, it's not easy.

God, I even teared up while listening to Axium's AC, it is a song he wrote for his brother. It had a very deep meaning to it, and it made me cry. It reminded me of what I told her before she passed away.

David Cook, you are one tough cookie. Yes, you are. I love you. Be strong, for everyone.


I dug this up from the old blog, the one I thought I deleted. Apparently it's still around.

So there, this is the piece I wrote for her and those close to me who have departed.

A LITTLE SPARROW

A little sparrow,
Died today,
So what, you ask,
Who cares if it died tomorrow,
You may not care,
But I do,
He showed me how to grow,
He helped overcome that day,
When I crashed and burnt,
He told me I could stand tall,
To be strong when I stumble and fall,
He said anything was possible,
If I believed in doing the impossible,
He loved the world as much as I did,
Sadly, he left it before I did,
Without saying a word,
To meet God,
Not only was he a sparrow,
He was a part of my soul,
An irreplaceable friend,
Who will now look out for me,
From the eyes of heaven,
And be my guardian angel,
Until it's my turn to face the Almighty,
There, me and my friend,
The sparrow,
Will be reunited once again,
And share the good and bad times,
We had together,
Always and forever,
Till the end of time...

This one is for you.


Currently listening to:
AC - Axium.

But I'm here through your malignancy.


I'm here. Always was, always have been, always will be.

I love to turn you on...

Monday left me feeling all frantic and overwhelmed again. It's not pretty to have a nearly embarrassing breakdown in the train station, you know.

I sent in my Sudoku form on Monday as well, not without blessing the envelope with all the things I love and believe in. Which included my radio and PC. It was for good luck, okay!


Tuesday was okay...during lunch, I munched down some watermelon and listened to Nicky, and I smiled. People were thinking I was dreaming about someone.

No. I was listening to DC's Day Tripper, Michael Johns' A Day in the Life, and Axium's Creep. All of which had a funny history between me and a few people *coughs* Gay Stripper *coughs*.

I mean, wouldn't you be smiling too if a man like Michael Johns sang to you a line like "I love to turn you on"?

Also, I was smiling at the fact how music is always the way for me to escape a certain kind of madness.


And yeah, a new baby is coming. You'll have to wait and see when he gets here. I am so in love with him! He's so pretty, it makes me weep.


I've been wearing those wristbands again, and I noticed that my hands have shrunk. The things are so loose, it's on the verge on falling off my wrists!


I've broken my "no more fastfood" diet on Monday. I no longer feel holy.
I haven't had an apple for one week. Do you know how bad that is?!


I did something bad in the morning. I gave in to temptation. I have no chance in hell to go to heaven.


And this is rather random, but you have no idea how strange it is that when I am thinking of something, you're also thinking of the same thought. Like this morning, with the 'sparrows'. I thought you both forgot! Though they were both in a different context, you two could see the connection and tell me "Okay. Purely coincidental but OMG!".


I like your look, I love your smile...

Uncle, I want a haircut. Even David Cook got one already. I am jealous here.
No? Fine. I'm going to paint my nails black. See how you like that.
(And DC, take care please? It's just too much for me when I hear someone ending up in hospitals...and please don't get too stressed out...you need rest)



And uh, Michael Johns. It is completely wrong and inappropriate for me to like a married man like you, but forgive me, I am easily swayed by temptation and silly things.

No thanks to you, I fell off my chair and hurt my knee and bumped my head on the table, laughing while replying mate's text! Pain don't hurt, he says.

It's all wrong, but it's all right...

Mate, Lysa and Mar, you know the meaning behind those lines. It's good enough to feed my random nonsense-deprived imagination.


God, can you make my baby come by Saturday or Sunday? I need to see it. Please.

Second place has never carried me home.

I am not exactly feeling better...but I feel way better compared to what I was feeling on Thursday.

Thursday was the lowest point I've ever hit. I've even come to a brilliant conclusion that I have tear ducts as powerful as David Cook's voice. Don't laugh, okay, it's a fact. Have you NOT heard the man's take on Billie Jean? You better listen to the studio version of it. Copy of Chris Cornell or not, you decide. I think they're both brilliant.

I was actually feeling very upset and even when my friends were trying to pull my leg, I was annoyed. I was having a shitty day already and I didn't need that. It made my mood go sour and I spent the whole night crying. I never knew anyone could cry that much in a day.

It all started with the father being annoyed at the fact I had to change my schedule again, claiming I was always like this and that I robbed him of getting his things done.

I started yelling at the mother, saying I wanted to quit college and asked her to find me a husband to marry.


Yes, boy, if you're proposing to me with that cupcake, I accept.

I mean, I am at the mercy of my group mates and my parents. I am stuck in the middle and always I don't know what to do when I am caught in this situation. I wished he would just see it from my viewpoint instead of just jumping the gun (he actually thought I went out with my friends somewhere when I told him to pick me up at 2 when I actually had to do my review).

On Friday, I apologised to the mother but she apologised saying it's her fault. I cried again. After my mock presentation (of which we shall not talk about), I could've sworn I was going to cry again. I think I did.

After that, I met up with my lecturer cousin and told him about what happened on Thursday. I can safely tell you that after that talk, I felt relieved and can understand it from another person's viewpoint. But some part of me still wants the father to just hear me out even if he is annoyed.

"He can forgo everything else for you. You are his main concern. You mean the world to him"

Eh, tell me...don't you feel like crying when you hear that? I was going to, I felt the tears in my eyes. I know the father means well and loves me, I just want him to not quickly jump to conclusions and all.

It's true when people say "to the world you're just someone, but to someone you're the world".

And another interesting point to add:

Old people haven't changed much, only they have lesser tolerance towards things.

Oh yeah, that is so true.


I sometimes wished he'd stop comparing me to the brother. Yes, he is a genius and has awesome Maths skills and has three majors and all that. I am different. Stop worrying if I get Cs or Ds please.

Okay, he can worry about me when I get Ds, but my point is...if the brother did Psychology and got As and Bs, while I got Cs and Ds, then you can worry. These are two different things were talking about here. Actuarial science is a linear course, one thing leads to another.

I guess I will only get it when I become a parent. I care about the parents a great deal. It's just that I feel like a need a bit more breathing space than I already have right now.

We're all greedy little things, aren't we? We're given an inch, but we want a mile.

*****

This silver leaves me burning for gold.

I heard that line and thought of my parents.

According to the father, the meaning of his name before he converted was 'a jewel' and we always say his surname was similar to 'silver'.

The mother's name is Mas (this is not her full name, I don't want to be found out here again) which is 'gold' (actually the Malay word for gold is 'emas', so that's why she's gold).

I wonder if the father ever felt this way about the mother. I know he's never heard of this song (neither have most of you) but it makes me wonder.

Last night during the prayers, we were talking about how they met and all other old stories. It made me smile on the inside when they began mentioning about how they were the 'silver' and 'gold' to each other.

Because as far as I know, I know he feels THAT way for her. He meant every word, almost reminiscent to the song.

I'm making this their theme song.


The week's over. Bed...you have no idea how much I've missed you.


Currently listening to:
Silver - David Cook.

I'm miserable without you, you know.

Nothing's gonna change my world.

Things you should DO when staying over at a friend's place:
01. DO remember to bring a toothbrush.
"Oh shit, I forgot my toothbrush!"

02. DO ask people to update you on shows you will be missing due to time constraints.
"Was sexy awesomely sexy today?"
"Little David is safe, Stripper David isn't"

03. DO take pictures of friends falling asleep on the couch or floor for all the hard times they've caused you.
"OHMYGOD, is that how I look like when I sleep?"

04. DO make the most of the Internet connection and reply messages to people.
"YOU WENT TO STAMFORD BRIDGE?!!"

05. DO not hurt yourself when using the glue gun.
"HOT!!!"

06. DO not go to bed after a bath knowing full well you have to wake other people up in 10 minutes time.
"Eh wake up, it's 8! We're late!"

07. DO check your food front and back to prevent food poisoning.
"What are these green spots on our roti telur and roti canai?"

08. DO listen to good music and watch YouTube videos.
All I really wanted was some of your time, instead you told me lies when someone else was on your mind...
Personal note: Whitney Houston's Heartbreak Hotel is the song on replay currently.

09. DO make sure you buy lotteries when someone does something unexpected.
"Your dad let you stay over? Oh my God, must go buy lottery!"
"You're eating veggies? That's it, must go buy lottery!"
Eh, yesterday was Thursday...4D shops were not opened, so can't buy lotteries.

10. DO call your mother or father to wish them good night knowing very well you won't be going to bed anytime soon.
"I called to say good night and don't be up to mischief while I'm gone"

Yesterday/today was fun, minus the major headaches and hiccups. It was THE break I needed from everything that has been going on in my life (especially the one dealing with matters of the heart). So thank you, all 6 of you.

*****

6-1. WHAT THE HELL.

I am proud, if they keep this up, they might have a chance of nicking it. Thank you, Lampsy. I love you. Hahaha.

Champions League quarter-finals fixtures.
Arsenal - Liverpool.
Schalke - Barcelona.
Man U - Roma.
Chelsea - Fenerbahce.

I suddenly had thoughts of Mateja Kezman and I felt like crying. I miss him.

The semi-finals look like this.
Arsenal/Liverpool - Chelsea/Fenerbahce.
Schalke/Barcelona - Man U/Roma.


No, I don't want a Liverpool-Chelsea semi-final again. I can't afford another penalty shoot-out and another heartbreak.

Bleh. I have a slight headache but I've got work to do. So, toodles!


EDITED [15.03.2008] at 5:40 PM:
OhMyGodDamnShorts.

The full studio version of Eleanor Rigby by David Cook is awesomely hot.

I don't lie. It's freaking good.

Damn!

Ma, I want to marry him. Seriously. Can?