I love you and I miss you, every way.

While watching American Idol, my darling Scouser sent me a text that brought about old and rather sad, painful memories.
"Eh, he's singing Little Sparrow...didn't you write a poem called A Little Sparrow like 5 years ago?"

It's amazing how you actually remembered that. I thought you forgot how much it meant to me. I know you only knew her for 3 years before she passed away and that didn't make you very close to her, but I'm glad you still know how much this meant to me.

I wrote that piece when I was 16, almost 3 years after my best friend died of brain cancer. I was just 13. It was really upsetting to lose someone you told your secrets and crushes and other random things to cancer, what more if it is your best friend and especially at that young age. She was the prettiest and smartest one among the five of us. I loved her so much. There is never a day that passes that I never think of her. I sometimes feel she is with me, telling me why skies should be painted purple instead of blue.

She died on a Friday in the month of January, it was raining. And people said that it was a blessing that she passed away on a rainy Friday, it meant that the person would go to heaven. Wherever she is, I really hope she is happy.

I remember her favourite band of all time was BSB. And when they came down to KL recently, I couldn't help but think of her and her mad obsession for Nick Carter. She would have loved to see them live in concert, but she never got the chance to.

In her honour, I wear the blue wristband which says "Celebrate Life". If I don't wear it, I feel completely naked. Honestly. It's my way of having her with me.

I remember in the beginning we didn't like each other, thinking that we were both too stuck up. If it weren't for you, maybe we wouldn't have been friends. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here crying my eyes out for her death. But I thank you, because at least once in my life, I met someone like her.


Now what has this got to do with DC, you ask?

Simple. He was admitted into hospital yesterday for heart palpitations and high blood pressure. Apparently, his brother (he suffers from cancer) suffered a setback and this has worried DC. It really made me wonder...he is carrying a huge load in front of millions of people. It baffles me also how he seems composed and constantly delivers solid performances week after week when he is carrying that weight with him. If it were me, it will get to me in so many ways and I might crumble for a bit.

I just admire him for how brave he is for going through all this. I remember what it was like when she was still alive. I would wonder if she was ever going to get better. I never liked dealing with it but you just have to hope for the best, stay strong and be somewhat optimistic.

He was going to leave the show too. He wanted to be there for his brother, but he's also still in there for him. He knows how much it means to him. If someone is willing to walk away from something that could lead that to glory and fame for something they believe in, it tells me that this person knows what he or she values the most in life. You could value your Gucci shoes and YSL scents, but he believes family comes first.

For my best friend, she believed in our friendship. She made sure we were never sad when she was lying there sick in bed. We'd be rambling about stupid things which made her laugh like 'How ugly is that haircut on him!' or 'Who sucks: Westlife or Boyzone?'. We were our normal jovial selves when we were around her, but deep inside it hurt us like a blade going straight to our hearts. We never showed it but we know how exactly we felt.

It's not easy dealing with something this serious. I can imagine what he is going through, it's not easy.

God, I even teared up while listening to Axium's AC, it is a song he wrote for his brother. It had a very deep meaning to it, and it made me cry. It reminded me of what I told her before she passed away.

David Cook, you are one tough cookie. Yes, you are. I love you. Be strong, for everyone.


I dug this up from the old blog, the one I thought I deleted. Apparently it's still around.

So there, this is the piece I wrote for her and those close to me who have departed.

A LITTLE SPARROW

A little sparrow,
Died today,
So what, you ask,
Who cares if it died tomorrow,
You may not care,
But I do,
He showed me how to grow,
He helped overcome that day,
When I crashed and burnt,
He told me I could stand tall,
To be strong when I stumble and fall,
He said anything was possible,
If I believed in doing the impossible,
He loved the world as much as I did,
Sadly, he left it before I did,
Without saying a word,
To meet God,
Not only was he a sparrow,
He was a part of my soul,
An irreplaceable friend,
Who will now look out for me,
From the eyes of heaven,
And be my guardian angel,
Until it's my turn to face the Almighty,
There, me and my friend,
The sparrow,
Will be reunited once again,
And share the good and bad times,
We had together,
Always and forever,
Till the end of time...

This one is for you.


Currently listening to:
AC - Axium.

But I'm here through your malignancy.


I'm here. Always was, always have been, always will be.