Your fairy tale couldn't get much worse.

Earlier, I was eating a piece of murukku while listening to 'Permanent' (Yes, some lovable being gave me the link to download the songs. I HAVE THE PRECIOUS! That doesn't mean I WILL NOT BUY THE ALBUM!).

Bad idea.

I remembered how he joked about marrying me one day.
"Roxanne, some years from now when I propose to you under a star-lit sky, instead of putting the ring in cakes and seeing you choke to death, I'd attach it to a murukku"

I laughed at him for saying such a ridiculous thing because let's face it, there was no way he was going to get a ring through a piece of murukku.

He dared to dream, that young man.

That was 7 years ago. A year after that, he passed away.

Of course, the first cut is the deepest. There's not a day I don't think of him, sometimes I even see him in my sleep, talking to me.


Sometimes I think that if he were still alive, I doubt if he would still be with the person that I am now.


Listening to 'Permanent' just made the floodgates break loose. At one point of the song, I had to go out of my room, hide in the toilet and have a good cry.

I just miss him, that's all. The song hurts.


Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired.

As if waking up with a toothache and a fever, and my dad's trusty Carlo (Yes, I named my dad's car, that doesn't make me crazy) breaking down on Tuesday; Chelsea losing on Wednesday; and my slipping onto the tiles of my college on Thursday weren't enough to mark my miserable week.

I am now unwell. My nose is like a running tap. It's disgusting. The fever is coming and going. I am downing Panadol tablets like a crack addict. Panadol soluble tastes awful, by the way.

My immune system just HAD to go down on me a few days before to an important week.
(no-lah, it's not THAT highly auspicious week yet)

I have three assignments/campaigns to do next week. I need to get my slides done by tonight so I can send it to my group members.

Damn perfect timing to get unwell, right?

My mother told me to go to bed and take the day off.
Easy for her to say that.


You know what? Screw it.

I'm going to watch this and teach myself to play the song.


Oh yeah, this should be fun!

I am not a slut, Cheongsam Lover.

Hello all, in case I don't post anything interesting here for your perusal anytime soon, it means two things.
01. I am tied up with assignments. I should be free by next Friday. My next assignment is due in December, but still.
02. I am experiencing a triple whammy of pains. Headaches, toothache and the latest, a muscle sprain.

How did the last one happen? Funny story, really.
Well, okay. It's not even the slightest bit funny.

I initially had to go to college at 12, but since Fishy said she thought of coming early at 10 to discuss our assignment together and my mother had a doctor's appointment, so I thought I would go early to college.

I reached there at 8:45 and shook my parents' hands and left. As I reached the lobby, the lift that was going up was about to close. The cleaning lady who at that time was mopping the floor, told the person inside to hold on as she saw me approaching the lift. I walked a little faster because I didn't want the people inside the lift to wait for me.

And I slipped.

Like I stepped on a banana skin.

And fell.

And landed on the right side of my body.

I sat on the floor, wincing in pain, using everything in me not to cry. I sat there, not so much in pain, but more of in total shock. It took a while for me to realise that I slipped.

As I fell, the only thing that went through my mind was "Please let me not fall on my posterior and hit my head hard on the floor. I don't want to be a vegetable so young in life!".

People just stood there stunned. No one helped, not even the security guards (I'm going to cease seeking their help from now on). Well, one girl did come out of the lift and carried my jacket for me -.-'

I was just rubbing my thigh when I got to the floor I wanted to go to. I hesitated to call my mother because she would tell my dad and being the hypochondriac he is, he might just ask the doctor to stab me with needles just to confirm that I was fine.

But I called anyway.

I told her what happened and asked her what to do next since she had a fall two weeks ago, which gave her left thigh quite a bad bruise.

I almost cried while texting the mate and she came up to check up on me, lamenting my 'not-so fantastic' week. I was grateful for that.

It was horribly difficult to sit for 30 seconds without whimpering in pain. All I felt like doing was walk around and just stand.

I just did not want to sit.

I don't think I broke a bone (I joked with Skizzy that "I think the fat surrounding my thigh absorbed the impact most so my bones were spared". She obviously didn't find that statement amusing, judging from the tone of her voice). It's a little swollen and tender but otherwise, nothing damaged.

I will be fine. Trust me.



Oh, thank you Adrian for this.

Dear CheongsamLover,

You are a sick human being.
Do you realise how much you have degraded those girls?
Do you even realise how they would feel if they knew their photos and the comments you made regarding their dressing (or the lack of it, as you claim)?

Tight headscarves? What in the world? Now, it is a sin to wear headscarves the way one is most comfortable with?

Holy Bocephus! I didn't know that!

What anyone chooses to wear if their prerogative, not yours. You do NOT own them.
It makes them comfortable in their own skin to dress the way they do. You do NOT get to judge them.
This is, after all, a free country. We have a right to choose what we wear. YOU DO NOT HAVE A SAY IN THAT.

Women are not meant to be objectified like pieces of meat. We are much higher than that, we have feelings, thoughts, ideas and the likes. Do you think I would enjoy knowing that people can take pictures of me, post it up on their blogs and call me a slut? I would be dead humiliated to be objectified in such a manner that derogatory.

If you have qualms about people's dressing, you should ignore it. Walking away and not saying a word is sometimes, the best thing to do. By the looks of it, judging from my limited knowledge of Islam (I am sanctimonious, after all), I would say that you are no worse than a rapist or a man who commits incest. You take pictures of these innocent women (I do not know them well enough to say they're innocent, but they are not to be blamed for his actions) and post them up in your little blog.

Clearly, I would state that you are committing a sin.

Multiple sins, to be precise.

Seems to me like you actually ENJOY these girls and their so-called slutty dressing.

You condemn these women who wear so-called skimpy outfits for earning a living. At least they are working to earn a living, unlike you, who actually spend time taking their pics and posting them up. Definitely the work of a highly bored and jobless man.

Grow up, get a life, and get off these women's cases, especially about their dressing.

Very bitchy, annoyed, and mostly in pain,
-TTG-

P/S: My boyfriend would like to say a few words too.


How very true.

Be my muse, please?

I feel like a failure at this point.

I don't know if I have lost my muse, but it didn't work for me last night and right now. It was working for me all the way until 9PM last night.

I will not talk about going to the prom, dresses and anything else in between until I sort myself out.

Mother-flipping basket of cookies, I've never been more disappointed in myself in my life right now.


Can someone please take me to Bangsar Village so we can have a lovely chocolate fondue session at Theobroma so I can drown my sorrows by eating chocolates and gaining extra weight?

When you get what you want, but not what you need.

I need a drink.
I need a break.

I need a statistics nerd to help me differentiate the many statistical tests available out there.

I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty and weightless
and maybe I'll find some peace tonight

Angel - Sarah McLachlan.



Okay, I've got my distraction already.

I think I better go find some peace in my sleep.
It's going to be a long Tuesday.


What a shocker, Roxanne. To think that I assumed your least favourite day was Saturday.
*rolls eyes*

OFF TO YOUR BED!
*kicks*

I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words how I feel.

I love to sleep. You know that.

I also love my room. If ever my room is not in the condition it's supposed to be (clean), I would refuse to sleep in it and start cleaning it at really odd hours of the day. Otherwise I will call myself a failure.

The problem that has been bugging me for the last 2 months is that my room is the room with the balcony. That is where we hang our clothes. People would come in and out of my room to hang their clothes and whatnots.

It used to be just my mother who would come in my room and hang clothes.

Now it's my sister-in-law.

My brother also comes in occasionally, to borrow my laptop.

My dad would come in to see if I was awake or asleep, so that he knows whether or not he should turn the modem off.

In the process, he would lock me in my own room.

Sometimes, my mother locks me in too.

So does my brother.

When I find myself locked in, I knock (more like banging in a violent fit of rage) on my door in hopes of it breaking it down.

Sometimes, if I wake up at an ungodly hour, say at 4 in the morning, I know my mother would be up and I'd call her and say "Hello, someone locked me in and I can't get out. Come up and open the door for me, please".

Sometimes, I think she does it on purpose. It's her way of saying "Stay in there. Stay out of trouble", I think.

Crafty mother.

Sometimes, it's the weekend or it's a day I don't have class/anything to do and all I feel like doing is sleeping just a few hours more.

Then my mother comes in to hang the clothes and after doing all that, she will sit at the edge of the bed and wakes me up to tell me random stories of something my father said or what she saw on the idiot box.

Sometimes I am fast asleep and she tells me to move a little because she wants to sit on the edge of my bed to fold clothes.

I keep hearing David Archuleta's Crush on the radio every single hour that I am awake, it's insane.

I know-lah I have like this SUPER MASSIVE crush on all the boys in the band (Shut up. Don't judge me, okay), but really, playing Crush to mark that is a little too much, don't you think?

I hate interrupted sleep.

I hate having eyebags.

I hate people coming in and out of my room.

I am beginning to hate that song.

I hate the fact I can't go back to sleep now.

It's raining and I am hurting.

Remember I once had some trouble with my left knee two years ago? I had a bruised cartillage behind my left kneecap, which almost rendered me unable to walk a short distance or even do the things that made me happy like sports?

Yeah, well. It's back and the pain is as bad as before. I can't do anything without wincing in pain every 30 seconds. I hate feeling weak and I cried for a short while (say a minute).

At this rate, I'm thinking I might have to use a wheelchair in order to get around.

Sorry if I sound whiny and needy and all those things, I have a right to whine. Just when I thought this pain would go away and leave me alone, old wounds open up again.

You may think I am just a hypochondriac, but this pain I am feeling now, it's real alright. It's as real as the eyebags under my eyes.

I am relying heavily on Perskindol to reduce the pain.

If I don't update, well, you know where to find me. I'll be busy typing out my random assignments and research proposal and what-nots.
*whimpers in pain*

Until later.

This is the time of my life.

This post shall be updated when someone else decides to be generous with gifts.

Excuse my cheesy title. My 21st was indeed the time of my life.

So what happened?
My best friend from secondary school called me up at midnight and lamented about the fact she has to wait until December to turn legal. It was incredibly nice of her to call me up from the library of her university since she was studying for my finals, she never fails to call me up at midnight on my birthday. We had a falling out for about a year in 2005 and I'm eternally thankful that we're back on good terms again.

After that, my 17 years and her cousin called me up and made an awful rendition of Light On and Crush, they were mucking up the lyrics! I couldn't help but laugh really loudly, which resulted in myself getting a slap from my mother for being too loud. Yeah, I got slapped by my mother a few minutes into my moments of being 21. Let's not talk about that because it makes the three of us feel horribly awkward. Thank you nonetheless, for being there and making me laugh to prevent the tears from rolling down and telling me what to do when it did and my pressure dropped.

Anyways, the whole morning of my birthday, I refused to see anyone. I made a dash to the bathroom, took a shower and headed back into my room. and stayed in there for what seemed like forever. I was bitter, okay. My birthdays in the past have never been outstanding, I always end up being miserable and grumpy. I came down only when everyone was ready to head out to visit my relatives. That was at 1:24PM, the time I was born, and my dad wishes me at only this time and not earlier or later than that. He wished me and the rest followed. I don't think I shook hands with my mother because I was very upset.

The first place we went to was my Mak Ngah and Mak Su's place. I have been craving for her chicken rendang (that's where my mother got her recipe from) and her kuah kacang. By far, the best kuah kacang ever. It so happens my Mak Su and I share the same birthday. We had fun teasing my Mak Ngah. Poor auntie. Haha. By this time, I felt better. Grumpy baby walrus was nowhere to be seen.

Then we headed out to my Mak Andak's house. We had a good laugh too.

After that, we went over to an old family friend's house. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing she forgot my birthday. Every year, she used to give RM100 in the birthday card she posted and that stopped for a while, and when my brother got married, she gave me RM100 too. One thing about this auntie is that she is super generous. Way too generous. She gave me RM50 as my duit Raya. I'm not so greedy-lah, I don't shamelessly tell people "It's my birthday today, give me extra money please". I am not so forward =/

Then we had dinner in Victoria Station in Medan Damansara. Every year my brother plans on calling the staff to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me (if you tell them it's your birthday, they sing for you), but it never materialises (because I don't fancy the idea of some random person singing happy birthday to me...unless of course, he is THE one and only David Cook).

I had fun, it may not have been a great birthday but I had fun regardless.

Anyways, let's take a look at the gifts and cards then, shall we?

This is what I got from my parents.


Say hello to Andy, my new iPod nano. So darn pretty, kan?

I'm not allowed to use him until the 18th because that when my exams will be over and done with.




This is the card the family gave me. Yes, my brother and his wife signed this card too. I'm their daughter too, apparently. Does anyone else think that my brother's signature looks like it says David instead of Rizal?

Aimee Lee Kit-Ee/woman with so many 'eees' in her name sent me a card. Next time, you use eagles, okay? Pos Malaysia fails us again.


Aimee ah, I showed my dad your card like you asked me to and he says he likes your handwriting better.
-.-' He says mine is all disjointed, something about it not being connected or written in cursive handwriting. I like my handwriting, okay, thank you.

This pretty box came from the mate. Randomly, I didn't know how to open the box and Yas said to pull the lid up and that's when we found out how to open the box. I am so stupid, I tell you.

What's inside, you ask?

No-lah, how can you fit David Cook inside there? You people are too imaginative-lah. So much free time, is it? Come do my assignment for me, please?

I squealed when I saw these things inside that pretty box.

Chelsea pencil box.

Chelsea mug. I so happy can die, thank you.
Thank you, mate! *hugs and squeezes you*

Skizzy, upon hearing the bad start to my day, found something that she knew would cheer me up.

"For you, on your 21st...you deserve this because you have to wait another 42 days for the album"

THIS = ONE DROOL-WORTHY BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER.

The revelation of THAT particular tattoo leaves me oh-so very happy I'm doing cartwheels now.

Oral fixation, much?

MY BOYFRIEND IS MY MUSE! HAHAHA! Thank God for that Guitar Hero advert.

Favourite photo ever.

I have come to a conclusion that this man is a robot manufactured by an evil scientist to render people speechless and seduce innocent beings into having horrible, horrible thoughts.

Yes, you have succeeded in seducing me, now quit the smirking already! Let me enjoy the remaining bit of dignity I have left in myself. Don't taunt me!

I love you, woman. I did get him on my birthday after all. HAHA!

Thank you so much everyone for the gifts and wishes through Facebook, Friendster, MySpace, online, LiveJournal, text messages, snail mail and e-mails. I love you all sempiternally. Here's to more birthdays and happy occasions.

Right, I'm exhausted and my double whammy of aches isn't getting any better so I better go to bed.

Confessions.

I am still on hiatus, just not for now. I am here because I just want to let this out so bad:
I love my mother, so much I am writing a letter I know she will never read.

Dear ma,

Maybe two years from now, I will be flying off to stalk pretty boys or study or as we both are very well-known for being multi-taskers in the family, I might do both. Maybe for a week you will come with me because you want to tell frumpy grumpy fat man Fergie how unbelievably dashing he is to you.

You have never ever judged me for what I do. I could be very frank with you and yet you tell me like how you see it. You are by far, one of the strongest persons I have ever come across or have the privilege of knowing. I now understand how it is to be in your shoes when someone's temper flares. When I was young, I always took his side because I was just too young to understand and comprehend things. Now, the more I see it, the more I felt like beating the young me for most of the times that I was being cruel to you and only being nice to you when I want something. I am sorry I took you for granted then, it was never my intention to hurt you or add on to the hurt you were already feeling.

As the years passed after you retired, we've grown closer and we understood each other better. You would tolerate my undying love for random famous boys yet you will always say I am crazy. There aren't that many mothers I know who will call their kids up at 4 in the morning to say things like "Oh hi, your Chelsea boys are winning 2-0, come down!" or even "Oh hi, Ellen is interviewing David Cook now. Come down!" like what you did this morning. At that point I was thinking, "I wonder if other people's mothers are like her" because most mothers I know either don't know about their children's objects of affection, know but don't care about their children's objects of affection, or pretend and ignore about their children's objects of affection.

But you. You tell me about who's on the TV and make it a point to tell me about what you saw and how hilarious it was. You will watch football matches with me and laugh at the most random things possible, like someone being tackled or being carded by the referee. We have our secret codes and silly glee faces ever. We share too many stories together, in fact we share a lot of things together. Except for a sense of direction, for which mine beats yours into a pulp.

When I first listened to Light On at 4AM today, all I ever thought about was how much the last couple of days were emotional for me. I watched the movie Wit and it made me cry to think about the pain and suffering two people closest to me had to go through when they were battling cancer. I was just 13 and 15 when they passed away. Again, I was too young to understand things. At 13, all I thought of were studies, dressing up, boys, boybands and other silly, insignificant things. Not cancer. Or death.

After a couple of rounds of listening to it and concluding how much I love it albeit sounding a little overdone at the chorus part, you came in and I asked you what you thought of it. You told me you were feeling sleepy and will tell me once you feel more awake. It then struck me that the words to this song are exactly how I feel for you when I leave KL. I know that's only going to happen in two years time, but like you know, I like to think about rather strange and random thoughts about the past, present and future. This had to be one of those thoughts. At the same time I was thinking about this, you said "This song started off so slowly at first...but as I keep on listening to it, I feel it's very touching and I enjoy it".

I then told you "When I leave two years from now, play this song so that it will remind you of me and all the things I've done. The times I have countlessly irritated, annoyed and pissed you off. The times I have cried to you when I had no one else to talk to or when I fell sick because of my blood pressure sinking rock bottom. The jokes and the silly things we would do together, like scribbling your refusal to donate to my 'David Cook album fund' on my whiteboard. The times you would call me so early in the morning to tell me some boy I like is on the telly. The things or food I buy for you from wherever it is I went to. Leave the light on for me when I go, okay?".

All you said was "I will. I definitely will play this song to think of you". I started crying because I finally understand this song. The song has different meanings attached to it. This is how I see the song for me: it's how I feel about leaving people closest to me, especially family members.

And guess what, ma?

It's you who is closest.

You came and laid down with me on my tiny bed after listening to the song a gugillion times (Sorry bout that, I had that on replay) and you knew I was crying and you told me "It's okay". You fell asleep soon after and I continued crying, thinking about our relationship. It's not exactly a pretty one, ma. I feel so horrible for some of the things I have said and done to you, I feel I am not worthy of your love.

I am truly sorry for the times I snapped back at you.
I am truly sorry for the times I ignored a request from you.
I am truly sorry for the times I have been an ass to you (which, of course, occurs most of the times, I guess).

I am truly sorry.

Last week, when it seemed like everyone in the house hated me, you saw the tears in my eyes and all you said was "Chin up, no point in being upset over idiots like them". You never sympathised, you empathised with me. I know how squeamish you get when people hug you, but you gave me a hug that I could never pay back in cash. It felt so good and relieving and I felt like I could just exhale once again.

We will always have our jokes, our tears and fights, and guess what, ma?

I love you sempiternally. I know I don't tell you this as often as I should, but I really do.

You make me an extra pot of coffee when I am pulling an all-nighter to study or complete my assignments.
You wrap all my books and even charge me for it, but I don't mind paying 50 cents per book wrapped, it's my way of giving back for everything you have done for me. It's not much, I know, but it's the least I can do.
You say the most random things because you know how much it will cheer me up on the most awful day possible.

I just want you to know that you are probably the most awesome mother any girl can ever have. Not many mothers I know watch everything I watch on the telly or make an attempt to be interested in the things I like, or even tell me "EH WAKE UP! LAMPARD JUST SCORED! COME DOWN NOW!" at rather weird hours of the day.

I just sayang you too much it hurts to think I'll be leaving you here soon.

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

Just leave a light on when I'm gone for me, okay? You won't feel that alone if you do that. There's the option of MSN too, but yeah. "What goes up, never comes down", haha! Only you'd understand this along with me, ma. No one else comes close. Nothing else compares.

I love you.

Lots of love, hugs, kisses and magic rainbows,
~R~, your daughter.

I just had to let that out because it is how I feel not only right now, but maybe for a long time.

I'm not going to be back here to post any time soon. I still am trying to figure out how to deal with the good changes in myself that I am facing, as you would've read in my earlier post.

Sing it with me.

Dear Dang Sylvien @ mate,

I hope you haven't melted after seeing Michael Phelps' abs of steel.

Where are you? Why are you hiding from me? Are you secretly posting up that ugly gayboy's poster you took down recently and not telling me?


No longer convinced my house is possessed,
-me-

*****

So yes, I know I was being paranoid. My house is not possessed.

Are you happy I confessed to being paranoid already?

We should throw a party.

*****

Has the world not seen enough of Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers?

I feel like turning my TV and radio off when I hear all their songs. Maybe it's just me.

I was practising my guitar yesterday and this old Westlife song was being played on the radio. It made me cringe thinking "I used to listen to this and love the music they make, oh my God". I must add that I still remember the words to that cheesy song. Shameful but true. And I hate it when I go to Parkson in OneU, they play the same Westlife album over and over again. I mean, isn't there another CD they can pop in? I'd be shaking my head everytime I go there and my mother knows all too well.
"I'm not asking them to play the other half of you-know-what-I-call-them. Just play something different"

Maybe if I was 10 or something, I'd believe that the world revolved around Miley Cyrus, High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers and idolise them sempiternally. But sadly, I am not 10, but 20 and horribly old.

I guess we just go through a phase in life where we get exposed to different kinds of music. I like the different genres of music except maybe a bit of techno and Japanese music. I find the resurgence of old boybands highly amusing too. Take That is fine because eventhough their music sounds very, very morose, I can tolerate that.

Do we still get to call them boybands since they are old in their mid-30s and they are no longer considered as boys?
Then again, manband would sound very odd.

We all go through a phase where we experiment the different kinds of music there are out there. I listened to rap when I was 13, then I started listening to rock music when I was sixteen or so (rock became a huge part in my life when I turned 18), but pop played a major part of my life because I grew up with that music (Michael Jackson was one, he was after all, the King of Pop).

If you asked me now how much of pop music I listen to, I'd tell you that it's a very limited playlist when it comes to pop. Well, maybe it's because all my pop songs are stashed in my dead PC. Haha.

But still, I cannot take it when all I hear on the radio are these artistes that come out from the Disney Channel. I don't like the Jonas Brothers because they made a remake of this song I liked called Year 3000 from Busted (I blame May for all the Brit music influences in my life). The original song itself is hilarious, but then they changed it and I didn't quite like their version.

Yes, I realise I am rambling so I might as well shut up.

*****

Say what you want about Magic Rainbow, but the more I hear it, the more I like it. Contrary to what Skizzy said earlier in one post about my hating the song, I like the song a lot more than I used to, it's sort of grown on me.

Go on and make fun of me. I dare you.

*****

My mother is so amusing it makes me cry thinking about next year or the year after that.

I know she'll come with me (she wants to stalk old grumpy frumpy Fergie) and all, but still. The thought of leaving home does scare me.

Almost everyday, she will come and ask me "Do you have a boyfriend?" and everytime I say no, she says "You will tell me when you have one, right?".

One day, while waiting for her to pick me up, I was just talking to a guy friend of mine who was also waiting for his parents. Almost two hours after we came home, she came into my room and asked me "That guy you were talking to just now...is he your boyfriend?".

-.-' Every guy I talk to now is my boyfriend-lah, is it?

"No, he's a guy who is my friend whom I see as an older brother. That's it. Ma, don't worry, if I do have a boyfriend, which will be very much later in life, I will tell you first, okay? And I will bring him home to meet the both of you instead of having a shotgun wedding"

She laughed and nodded. She knows my take on my brother's wedding so it's all good.

But she does not think my boyfriend is sexy (this came after a long and lengthy conversation about Avril's concert being postponed or cancelled or whatever that's going to happen to it, and what would happen if the said boyfriend wanted to come here).

How dare she say that. Hmmph. Boo her.


And today she was surprised that my phone bill was less than hers. Mine went down by a whole 50%.
"How can that happen? It's a miracle. What did you do?"

Just got to love her.


I need to get back on my guitar now. Toodles.

Your aura is incredible.

Okay, I saw something completely wonderful on YouTube, it made me squeal like an idiot.

Then again, maybe I am one.

To Skizzy the Scouser, you know what I mean. Are you convinced, by the way?

*****

Remember this post?

Yeah well, my mother has a reply to that.


See? Even my mother doesn't want to donate for a good cause.
*wails*

I am trying to come up with a brilliantly ingenious plan to steal money from people seek donations for my fund.

*****

The Russian mafia queen is back and she didn't even tell me!

I miss her and I can't wait for this weekend!

I am tired, but we're putting up some final touches for the gifts and such. There will be photos of stupid people doing stupid things.


On the downside, I think I have a sore throat and slight flu.

Of all the times to fall sick, now?

*trying to sound sarkie in the best Mr.Burns' voice possible*
Excellent.

One day, I'm gonna do a Britney.

You heard me.

I'm going to shave my head bald one day.


I was just yelling about how unforgiving the weather has been lately and I ended my long rant with a "I WANT TO CUT MY HAIR" remark in front of my father. In return, he gave me a rather strange look which I could not comprehend.

Then, later he mentions about getting his hair cut and again I jumped in and asked if I could cut my hair.

"No"
O_O
"Why not?"
"I like your hair like this"

So I came home and had my usual 12AM pillow talk with number two.
"I just asked my dad about the haircut and he said no because he likes my hair like this"
"He's right"
O_O
"I like it that way, frames your face perfectly"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE AND LONG HAIR? DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT THE WEATHER IS?"
"No need to yell at me. We love you and want the best for you...even if it includes your langsuir-like hair"
"Oh, you're such a charming bitch"
"You love me, nonetheless"
"Yes, Dave. I love you"
"Quit calling me Dave!"

Seriously, one of these days, I'm going to do a Britney and shave all my hair off and sell it to charity.

I mean, do you not like my hair like that? Please note that this picture was taken two years ago and I look NOTHING like that anymore.


Tomorrow is going to be insane. As it is, I think I'm already insane (no, no...being insanely in love with you-know-who does not count) with all the wedding tensions going on, some of which had led me to be slightly depressed and skipping meals.

Pray that the ceremony goes as perfectly and smoothly as possible.
Pray that the journey to Seremban will not be dampened by rain.
Pray that the photos I take will turn out beautiful.

You will not see me cry at a wedding. Because I am awesome, like that. Plus I don't want to smudge my make-up with my tears, I can foresee my mother engaging in a creative verbal discussion if that should take place.

*rolls eyes*

Seriously, I think it's funny to cry at a wedding. I already told my brother that if I end up laughing while blessing the couple on the dais, he shouldn't hold it against me.

Yes, yes. Go on, say it. I am an idiot.
Tell me something I don't know already.

You lovely people have a great Sunday now.

From here, it will only get worse.

You know what?
True friends stab you from the front, not from the back.

*****

My brother just came in and asked me about the friendly match.

The fucking audacity of him to ask me that.

I'M THE GODDAMN LAST PERSON YOU SHOULD ASK!

*breathes deeply*

Seriously. Stop pissing me off and making me sad.

*****

Why was I being so bitter the past two weeks?

01. On Saturday, someone sent me a message saying if I wanted tickets to watch the match and he could organise a meeting with the boys. I so badly wanted to say yes, I almost cried.


02. I don't hate my future sister-in-law. I really don't.
It's just his decision to get married that pisses me off. He just conveniently tells my mother in the car on the way to a wedding which my father and I didn't attend one day that "I'm seeing someone and I would like to get married". Like seriously? If I hadn't known any better, I'd say it's like a shotgun wedding. It would be nice if he actually brought her home to introduce us all to her. I have a hard time adjusting to new situations. I'm awkward, to be honest. My parents at least can deal with changes better. Not that I'm saying I can't, I can. It's just that the process itself is longer than what a normal person would undergo.

I can't talk to her. I barely know her! I know, once she lives here, I'll get used to it, you say. But the thing is, we're on two different polarities. She's quiet, sane and religious; a few things I am not known for. Most people know I have an innate fear of talking to people who talk very softly. Well, yeah, she talks softly and that doesn't help me at all.

I want to be familiar with someone before I let them be a part of my life.
"I know you don't hate her. It's just that, you need to know someone for you to trust them. Trust is an important issue with you"

How he manages to tap my inner thoughts like that amazes me slightly.
"How do you know it's exactly that?"
"Trust me, I've been your best friend for 7 years and dated you for two. I know you even more than YOU let on"
"Besides...I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile..."

Stupid fellow. We're having a serious conversation and you randomly sing Lionel Richie's Hello to me.

I don't hate her. I promise. This feeling shall pass, I know of it.


03. This wedding plans are robbing me of my social life. It's sad to say I have yet to watch The Dark Knight when three-quarter of the population of the world have already watched it TWICE.

Fine, I'm being a fat, selfish walrus.


04. One of my father's late friend's daughter is going off to Cyberjaya to study and we decided to visit her on Saturday. We went out for dinner/supper (I have been skipping breakfast and dinner because I just have no mood to eat) and then we went back to their place. We got on to talking and somehow the conversation went to the topic of consuming fish.
"Fish is food for the brain. You're smart. See when you ate fish, you got 7As for your PMR. Even my son also got good result. My son...and my daughter too"

The statement itself is innocent, but I tend to look at it in both a positive and negative light.

Yes, dear father. I am not smart. No need to feel sorry for me. There is no need for you to feel compelled to mention my being smart. It's okay. I've learnt I am second best. Silver is such a pretty colour on me compared to gold.

The next day, I just went to the trophy cabinet and took out all of my stupid trophies and hid them somewhere in my room.

It's not because of what my father said. Almost every trophy in there belongs to my brother. To put my trophies there would be an insult to his intelligence.

Everyone who steps into my house for the first time would casually walk over to the cabinet and peruse the trophies one by one.
"Eh, why mostly your son's trophies only?"

We live in a culture that tells us the amount of As we score is equivalent to how perfect we are and how wonderful life is.

I don't want to be subjected to people's idiocy to such things.

So if and should anyone ask me why I lack trophies in the cabinet, I might just answer "Why? Do you want to give me one so that I don't feel sorry for myself for not being as smart as he is?"

At least I know how to spell and count and read. That's all that matters, no?

*****

ROBBIE KEANE IS IN LIVERPOOL.

WHAT THE HELL.

HE'S NOT MEANT TO BE THERE. HE BELONGS TO SPURS.

Ah well, not like the went to ManUre. Ugh, that would've been disastrous.

*****

I promise not to buy anything until October.

Whatever money comes my way shall be used for the David Cook album fund, the David Cook in KL fund, and the ongoing Stamford Bridge fund.

=)

*****

"Ma, I don't care. When David Cook comes to KL, I am going"
"Must see the timing is right or not first-lah"
"Timing right or not, I am going. I have already been robbed of so many things, let me have this moment, okay"
"I'm taking you with me, by the way"


I feel better already.


Stop worrying, okay. Michael Johns is keeping me happy with his shenanigans.


Currently listening to:
Warwick Avenue - Duffy.

You think you're loving but you don't love me.

Just maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.

"What's up, sexy?"
"Shut up"
"Uh-oh. I know that tone anywhere. It's the infamous 'I-can-be-a-bitch-as-and-when-I-please' one. It's 12 so...go on"
"Do you know how horrible I feel right now?"
"Shoot"
"I just hate this wedding"
"Uh, aren't you supposed to be excited? Why do you hate it?"
"I can't do anything!"
"Like what?"
"LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW!"
"Okay, focus your anger on something else besides me"
"Sorry. I can't see Chelsea play. I can't see Daughtry. I can't see Jared Leto in Genting. YOU KNOW HOW NEAR GENTING IS TO MY PLACE? WTF!"
"MPH IS HAVING A SALE FROM THE 30TH UNTIL THE 3RD OF AUGUST AND I CAN'T GO! FOR GOD'S SAKE, A BOOK SALE!!! I WANT TO GET SOME NEW BOOKS TO READ-LAH!"
"I'M HORRIBLY MAD AT EVERYONE!"
"THE ONE TIME CHELSEA AND I ARE IN THE SAME CONTINENT, I CANNOT GO. WHY? BECAUSE MY BROTHER DECIDED THAT HE HAS TO GET MARRIED FAST BECAUSE THE PERSON HE IS MARRYING IS THIRTY!"
"Breathe, sweetie. Take a deep breath"
"I don't hate them but...argh! I sound so selfish, but I can't help it! I'm going to be the worst sister-in-law ever!"
"You're not going to be"
"You're a grumpy little thing, you know? It amuses me to no end to see you rambling"
"Why is it that I can only talk to you when I am feeling unhappy?"
"Because when you're happy, you're busy throwing insults back and forth at me"
"Not that I'm complaining, I know that's your way of saying you love me"
"You're obnoxious"
"You know something?"
"What?"
"I'm happy David Cook isn't coming to KL just yet. Oi, quit hitting me and hear me out! Because if he did come around the time your brother was getting married, you would be even grumpier than you are right now and trust me, no one, I repeat, NO ONE would want to say a word to you because anything they say might make you shout at them or cry uncontrollably"
"When he comes here, I AM GOING AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME. I MEAN IT AND I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!"
"Jesus, no. I am not going to come with you to see him! Thanks but no thanks"

It's amazing you're the only person I can be upfront and frank about things like these that make me doubt myself for being human or having feelings.

Thank you for 12AM pillow talks.
Thank you for making damn sure I don't weep like a MASSIVE baby walrus.
Thank you for being you. Obnoxious or not, you are love.

You're my wonderwall.

*****

I need to get out.

Guess what? This pair of shoes in Novo I was eyeing since January is being sold at RM49 now! It used to be RM126, then it was RM59.

"You want it or not?"

I said no.


Wow. First I said no to a necklace, now I said no to a pair of shoes?

I am beyond surprised that my will-power is THAT strong.

Oh, how quaint. Magic Rainbow is playing now.


You know what that means?
It means I should reward myself for being headstrong.


Right after I typed that, they played Always Be My Baby.

THIS CALLS FOR A DOUBLE REWARD!

Toodles.

I could not ask for more.

Okay, this is post number 400.

Wow. That's just insane.

Oh well, happy 400th!

*****

Guess what? Due to constant abuse by my mother, my old PC fondly known as Tomas has died.

The power button on the CPU has finally given way, so now I am unable to retrieve the songs I downloaded for the wedding.

But no worries, I'm a resourceful little kitty and I managed to find some songs online. But most of my assignments and songs are in there.

I'm feeling blue.

*****

Today was wonderful.

Wonderful isn't even the right word.

So the best friend who is back from burning things in Medan came over at 10AM for our little trip. Can this girl get any skinnier? She's so horribly skinny it makes me feel like I'm a MASSIVE walrus.

Anyways, we set off to Menara Standard Chartered which is right next to Pavilion for our spa trip. Both of us picked the aromatherapy massage while my mother picked the Swedish massage.

We got to our designated rooms and I saw my masseuse. She looked kind of stern but she was super-friendly.
"This is the shower cap. This is the disposable panties"
*holds it up*
"This small part is the back and this is the front"
"And that's your towel. I'll be back in a few minutes"

So I changed and waited. She came back and rubbed salt on my body for the body scrub treatment and started interrogating me. The usual "Are you mixed?" and "What are you doing?" kind of questions.

After that, the three of us spent 20 minutes in the steam bath. It was freaking hot but tolerable to my standards.

Then, we had to take a bath to get rid of the salt. Next came the massage. More conversation ensued.

She has four kids, lives around Batu Caves, enjoys doing the wedding decorations, thinks men are the biggest wuss in the world (this had me in stitches albeit being uncomfortable lying face down) and thinks black and white with a hint of red at a Malay wedding is uber cool (I like the idea too, who cares what those old folks think!).

One thing that baffles me about these masseuses in general is that they know exactly which part of your body hurts.

*massages back*
"Your back hurts, doesn't it? I bet it's because you sit in front of the PC"

Damn psychic this woman. How do they know?!

We were done by 1PM and the other two were saying how quiet their masseuses were and how chatty mine was. I know it was supposed to be relaxing and all, but I actually like it when people talk to me rather than just stay silent (I know one person I can doze off to when they're talking to me...but that happens at night when bouts of insomnia are rampant).

Then guess what the best friend said?
"You know my masseuse was telling about how thin I was and I told her it was in the genes. She says to me 'But your mum and your elder sister aren't as skinny as you, they're normal what!'. I told them that you weren't my sister or mother"

Do I look that old?

I look fat, but definitely NOT old.

Then we had lunch and we decided to celebrate our "early" 21st birthday. Since we weren't going to be around for our birthdays (hers is on the 19th of August...you know when my birthday is, right!), I thought we'd celebrate it early.

My father is a joker, seriously.
"Take the candle off the cake! The wax will melt on the cake!"


Uncle fiddling with the cake and the box.


Uncle is so technology-unfriendly -.-'

He made us blow the candle almost 10 times (I am not joking) just to get a shot of us because by the time he took the photo, we already blew the candles. We almost burnt the restaurant down.

Eh, it's not our fault he's so slow, okay!


After 10 attempts, we have a winner, folks.


My little sister and I. Woman, why the hell are you so skinny-lah? I look like I'm eyeing the cake. Stupid thing *slaps self*

I had the time of my life (pun very much intended to annoy someone) today and I definitely wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you, little sister, for the wonderful time today. I love you. Can't wait for the next time you come home.

Stop burning things and polluting the air when you go back to Medan!

*****

I heard my song on the radio just now and I flipped out in joy, channelling my inner Christian Finnegan.

I just love how one song can make your day seem so much brighter.

*****

Since this entry is entry number 400, I thought I'd post up my top 10 favourite songs.

01. Yellow - Coldplay/Wonderwall - Oasis.
02. I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin McCain.
03. We Might Fall - Ryan Star.
04. Makeover - David Cook.
05. Mr. Brightside - The Killers.
06. Last Train Home - Ryan Star.
07. Roxanne - The Police/George Michael.
08. Stars - The Cranberries.
09. Searchlights - David Cook.
10. December/Money Love - Juke Kartel.

WHAT WHAT WHAT? DAVID COOK IS NOT AT NUMBER ONE???
*gasps*
The horror.

*rolls eyes*

I am quite sane okay? Contrary to popular belief, my life hasn't been completely taken over by him, thank you very much.


Oh well. I need to go and create mayhem in the house. I'm trying to figure out how to bring Tomas back to life. Half of my songs are in there especially some of the oldies I promised my parents.

=(