From here, it will only get worse.

You know what?
True friends stab you from the front, not from the back.

*****

My brother just came in and asked me about the friendly match.

The fucking audacity of him to ask me that.

I'M THE GODDAMN LAST PERSON YOU SHOULD ASK!

*breathes deeply*

Seriously. Stop pissing me off and making me sad.

*****

Why was I being so bitter the past two weeks?

01. On Saturday, someone sent me a message saying if I wanted tickets to watch the match and he could organise a meeting with the boys. I so badly wanted to say yes, I almost cried.


02. I don't hate my future sister-in-law. I really don't.
It's just his decision to get married that pisses me off. He just conveniently tells my mother in the car on the way to a wedding which my father and I didn't attend one day that "I'm seeing someone and I would like to get married". Like seriously? If I hadn't known any better, I'd say it's like a shotgun wedding. It would be nice if he actually brought her home to introduce us all to her. I have a hard time adjusting to new situations. I'm awkward, to be honest. My parents at least can deal with changes better. Not that I'm saying I can't, I can. It's just that the process itself is longer than what a normal person would undergo.

I can't talk to her. I barely know her! I know, once she lives here, I'll get used to it, you say. But the thing is, we're on two different polarities. She's quiet, sane and religious; a few things I am not known for. Most people know I have an innate fear of talking to people who talk very softly. Well, yeah, she talks softly and that doesn't help me at all.

I want to be familiar with someone before I let them be a part of my life.
"I know you don't hate her. It's just that, you need to know someone for you to trust them. Trust is an important issue with you"

How he manages to tap my inner thoughts like that amazes me slightly.
"How do you know it's exactly that?"
"Trust me, I've been your best friend for 7 years and dated you for two. I know you even more than YOU let on"
"Besides...I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile..."

Stupid fellow. We're having a serious conversation and you randomly sing Lionel Richie's Hello to me.

I don't hate her. I promise. This feeling shall pass, I know of it.


03. This wedding plans are robbing me of my social life. It's sad to say I have yet to watch The Dark Knight when three-quarter of the population of the world have already watched it TWICE.

Fine, I'm being a fat, selfish walrus.


04. One of my father's late friend's daughter is going off to Cyberjaya to study and we decided to visit her on Saturday. We went out for dinner/supper (I have been skipping breakfast and dinner because I just have no mood to eat) and then we went back to their place. We got on to talking and somehow the conversation went to the topic of consuming fish.
"Fish is food for the brain. You're smart. See when you ate fish, you got 7As for your PMR. Even my son also got good result. My son...and my daughter too"

The statement itself is innocent, but I tend to look at it in both a positive and negative light.

Yes, dear father. I am not smart. No need to feel sorry for me. There is no need for you to feel compelled to mention my being smart. It's okay. I've learnt I am second best. Silver is such a pretty colour on me compared to gold.

The next day, I just went to the trophy cabinet and took out all of my stupid trophies and hid them somewhere in my room.

It's not because of what my father said. Almost every trophy in there belongs to my brother. To put my trophies there would be an insult to his intelligence.

Everyone who steps into my house for the first time would casually walk over to the cabinet and peruse the trophies one by one.
"Eh, why mostly your son's trophies only?"

We live in a culture that tells us the amount of As we score is equivalent to how perfect we are and how wonderful life is.

I don't want to be subjected to people's idiocy to such things.

So if and should anyone ask me why I lack trophies in the cabinet, I might just answer "Why? Do you want to give me one so that I don't feel sorry for myself for not being as smart as he is?"

At least I know how to spell and count and read. That's all that matters, no?

*****

ROBBIE KEANE IS IN LIVERPOOL.

WHAT THE HELL.

HE'S NOT MEANT TO BE THERE. HE BELONGS TO SPURS.

Ah well, not like the went to ManUre. Ugh, that would've been disastrous.

*****

I promise not to buy anything until October.

Whatever money comes my way shall be used for the David Cook album fund, the David Cook in KL fund, and the ongoing Stamford Bridge fund.

=)

*****

"Ma, I don't care. When David Cook comes to KL, I am going"
"Must see the timing is right or not first-lah"
"Timing right or not, I am going. I have already been robbed of so many things, let me have this moment, okay"
"I'm taking you with me, by the way"


I feel better already.


Stop worrying, okay. Michael Johns is keeping me happy with his shenanigans.


Currently listening to:
Warwick Avenue - Duffy.

You think you're loving but you don't love me.