Words will never take my place, when you know why I'm leaving.

I am still alive, thank you for asking. I just didn't feel like there was a need to update the last few days.

I AM NOT DEPRESSED. I just needed some time for myself because I felt like a big change was coming in my life. A really good change, and usually when changes happen too fast for my liking, I tend to put life on pause to evaluate the situation. If you know me like a book, you'd know that I hate drastic changes. I can take changes well, just not the drastic ones. I need to learn, I know.

Do not assume things just by reading the things I type in the first paragraph like what my father's former English teacher used to do when he marks his students' essays (if your first paragraph is up to his standards, you'll get 50/100...if not, you get a ZERO). Read word-for-word, even if I have a tendency to sound like a deranged fangirl.

I am shallow at times, I know. That does NOT make me completely brainless or stupid.


Saturday was, by far, one of those days I felt like I have truly exhaled and not feel asphyxiated at all. I had fun with my extended family. You cannot imagine what it felt like to be in my shoes, counting down the hours to my impending death before the dinner took place. It turned out the exact opposite when I got there and plopped my sorry derriere on the chair. I found myself smiling, laughing, camwhoring and doing rather silly things. It was like all of us were a family again. To be the queen of all things corny and cheesy, I shall use a line of my so-called favourite song and say that I had the time of my life.

Things are going well with me. I feel good that I have stuck to my schedule like I promised myself that I would. So, au revoir, senorita procrastinator. Hah.

Light On is a song that speaks to me in more ways than one. Every single time I hear it, I feel like there is a different meaning attached to it. I have a few meanings attached to that song as well. Personal ones, to be exact. I know a lot of people either do not like him and his guts OR the song, I don't care too much. As far as I know, I love the song and I cannot wait for the album.

There is another week until I turn 21. Not only am I getting older, I also am getting wiser. Yes, my wisdom tooth is growing fully now. I cannot smile, eat, laugh, talk or sing much without flinching in pain. I consider that as a birthday present to myself. Being wiser and smarter. Hah.

Eid is in another two days time and I personally am not ready for it. I feel like I'm not in the mood to celebrate Eid. All of us haven't fully recovered from the wedding events and what-nots. I know I haven't gotten the full rest I really need. Besides that, even if I only have classes from Tuesdays to Thursdays, most of my classes are in the evenings and I have assignments and my thesis paper to worry about. I have tonnes of things to do and so little time. What's worse is that my midterms are also around the corner and I have to study. Sigh.

I will not be updating anytime soon, so I'm going to wish everyone SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN; and HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

The next update will probably be the obligatory birthday post. Well, that's what I think, anyway.

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone, something I rely on to get home...

Until later =)

Confessions.

I am still on hiatus, just not for now. I am here because I just want to let this out so bad:
I love my mother, so much I am writing a letter I know she will never read.

Dear ma,

Maybe two years from now, I will be flying off to stalk pretty boys or study or as we both are very well-known for being multi-taskers in the family, I might do both. Maybe for a week you will come with me because you want to tell frumpy grumpy fat man Fergie how unbelievably dashing he is to you.

You have never ever judged me for what I do. I could be very frank with you and yet you tell me like how you see it. You are by far, one of the strongest persons I have ever come across or have the privilege of knowing. I now understand how it is to be in your shoes when someone's temper flares. When I was young, I always took his side because I was just too young to understand and comprehend things. Now, the more I see it, the more I felt like beating the young me for most of the times that I was being cruel to you and only being nice to you when I want something. I am sorry I took you for granted then, it was never my intention to hurt you or add on to the hurt you were already feeling.

As the years passed after you retired, we've grown closer and we understood each other better. You would tolerate my undying love for random famous boys yet you will always say I am crazy. There aren't that many mothers I know who will call their kids up at 4 in the morning to say things like "Oh hi, your Chelsea boys are winning 2-0, come down!" or even "Oh hi, Ellen is interviewing David Cook now. Come down!" like what you did this morning. At that point I was thinking, "I wonder if other people's mothers are like her" because most mothers I know either don't know about their children's objects of affection, know but don't care about their children's objects of affection, or pretend and ignore about their children's objects of affection.

But you. You tell me about who's on the TV and make it a point to tell me about what you saw and how hilarious it was. You will watch football matches with me and laugh at the most random things possible, like someone being tackled or being carded by the referee. We have our secret codes and silly glee faces ever. We share too many stories together, in fact we share a lot of things together. Except for a sense of direction, for which mine beats yours into a pulp.

When I first listened to Light On at 4AM today, all I ever thought about was how much the last couple of days were emotional for me. I watched the movie Wit and it made me cry to think about the pain and suffering two people closest to me had to go through when they were battling cancer. I was just 13 and 15 when they passed away. Again, I was too young to understand things. At 13, all I thought of were studies, dressing up, boys, boybands and other silly, insignificant things. Not cancer. Or death.

After a couple of rounds of listening to it and concluding how much I love it albeit sounding a little overdone at the chorus part, you came in and I asked you what you thought of it. You told me you were feeling sleepy and will tell me once you feel more awake. It then struck me that the words to this song are exactly how I feel for you when I leave KL. I know that's only going to happen in two years time, but like you know, I like to think about rather strange and random thoughts about the past, present and future. This had to be one of those thoughts. At the same time I was thinking about this, you said "This song started off so slowly at first...but as I keep on listening to it, I feel it's very touching and I enjoy it".

I then told you "When I leave two years from now, play this song so that it will remind you of me and all the things I've done. The times I have countlessly irritated, annoyed and pissed you off. The times I have cried to you when I had no one else to talk to or when I fell sick because of my blood pressure sinking rock bottom. The jokes and the silly things we would do together, like scribbling your refusal to donate to my 'David Cook album fund' on my whiteboard. The times you would call me so early in the morning to tell me some boy I like is on the telly. The things or food I buy for you from wherever it is I went to. Leave the light on for me when I go, okay?".

All you said was "I will. I definitely will play this song to think of you". I started crying because I finally understand this song. The song has different meanings attached to it. This is how I see the song for me: it's how I feel about leaving people closest to me, especially family members.

And guess what, ma?

It's you who is closest.

You came and laid down with me on my tiny bed after listening to the song a gugillion times (Sorry bout that, I had that on replay) and you knew I was crying and you told me "It's okay". You fell asleep soon after and I continued crying, thinking about our relationship. It's not exactly a pretty one, ma. I feel so horrible for some of the things I have said and done to you, I feel I am not worthy of your love.

I am truly sorry for the times I snapped back at you.
I am truly sorry for the times I ignored a request from you.
I am truly sorry for the times I have been an ass to you (which, of course, occurs most of the times, I guess).

I am truly sorry.

Last week, when it seemed like everyone in the house hated me, you saw the tears in my eyes and all you said was "Chin up, no point in being upset over idiots like them". You never sympathised, you empathised with me. I know how squeamish you get when people hug you, but you gave me a hug that I could never pay back in cash. It felt so good and relieving and I felt like I could just exhale once again.

We will always have our jokes, our tears and fights, and guess what, ma?

I love you sempiternally. I know I don't tell you this as often as I should, but I really do.

You make me an extra pot of coffee when I am pulling an all-nighter to study or complete my assignments.
You wrap all my books and even charge me for it, but I don't mind paying 50 cents per book wrapped, it's my way of giving back for everything you have done for me. It's not much, I know, but it's the least I can do.
You say the most random things because you know how much it will cheer me up on the most awful day possible.

I just want you to know that you are probably the most awesome mother any girl can ever have. Not many mothers I know watch everything I watch on the telly or make an attempt to be interested in the things I like, or even tell me "EH WAKE UP! LAMPARD JUST SCORED! COME DOWN NOW!" at rather weird hours of the day.

I just sayang you too much it hurts to think I'll be leaving you here soon.

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

Just leave a light on when I'm gone for me, okay? You won't feel that alone if you do that. There's the option of MSN too, but yeah. "What goes up, never comes down", haha! Only you'd understand this along with me, ma. No one else comes close. Nothing else compares.

I love you.

Lots of love, hugs, kisses and magic rainbows,
~R~, your daughter.

I just had to let that out because it is how I feel not only right now, but maybe for a long time.

I'm not going to be back here to post any time soon. I still am trying to figure out how to deal with the good changes in myself that I am facing, as you would've read in my earlier post.

I was only trying to say, all the things you never said.

I am announcing that I will be on hiatus for quite a while.

Things that have been happening lately made me realise that I am no longer capable of making people laugh or saying something intelligent or both.

This could be temporary as far as I know, but if I don't update for a substantial period of time, consider this as being done.

Don't take this the wrong way, I am not depressed. The fact that Light On is out makes me unbelievably excited and happy and I may be biased, but I think it's fantastic. It made me think of the things that have happened the last couple of days about how I feel about my mother, the people closest to me who have passed on, and also the people closest to me who are still alive yet physically apart from me.

That doesn't make me happy either.

I haven't been myself lately, which, in truth, is actually a really good thing. I'm just afraid of how far I've changed, it almost makes me feel like I've lost some bit of the fun-loving-yet-quiet person I used to be. This transition, progression, call it whatever you fancy...actually scares me. I don't want what other people want. I don't listen to what other people hear. I don't believe a lot of things any longer. I know what I want and need.

And it really scares me to a point I disturb people at 4AM to tell them "I am scared, I might just pee in my pants".

I just need time off to think some things over because do you want to know how I feel right about now?

Somehow I'm neither here nor there.

I will be around online, Facebook, MySpace, Friendster (even if I hardly go there) and wherever else you can spot me.

Just not here.

Take care everyone. Until later.

Currently listening to:
I Won't Wait - The Rising.

Nobody does it better.

The whole of yesterday was filled with a whole lot of squealing and jumping around and acting like a lunatic.

Right about now...I'm copying my notes and replying my mails. Yay me on sticking to schedules! And my desktop calendar/personal organiser is pretty! This is different from the countdown timer Skizzy downloaded for me.

I was replying my mail to my group mates when Skizzy saw me type this out.

I think that the source of participants doesn't really matter since our hypothesis doesn't involve gender and we've also written (well, typed out, to be exact) in our proposal that they're randomly selected and aged between 20 to 50 regardless of gender, race and positions they hold in the company.

"You are a nerd. You are so literal. Even when you speak and type, you are a freaking nerd"
"You, missy. NEED SLEEP"

Fine, I'll get back to sleep, right after I am done with my notes and what-nots.


Ma, I am not pleased. That is NOT what I'd claim as 'perfect English'. YOU FAIL.
(That's just one half of what I use my whiteboard for...my mother and I tend to write silly things on the whiteboard)

Do you realise that there's only 15 days until I turn a year older and a couple of days more to Light On (excuse me, I am happy to have new songs to listen to, that's all)?

Right, I should be off now, need to eat for 'sahur'. I haven't been fasting for the last 5 days.

Don't corrupt me! Don't tempt me! Don't make me commit sins!
(I'm looking at you, mate)

Toodles.

She says I am the one.

Apologies for the lack of updates. I am sorting out my 'things to do' list bit by bit. I've gotten most of them done according to schedule, which is pretty awesome by my standards.

I have been sick again. Because of the overwhelming amount of stress I face at home on an almost daily basis, with Thursday being the final straw (I'm fully convinced everyone in my house hates me, well, excluding my mother because she's the only person who understands my weird obsessions and never judges me about it), my blood pressure sank rock bottom again. I had to add salt into almost everything I consumed just to spike my blood pressure up (I know exactly when it sinks, I'm more alert now). Strangely enough, if you add salt into 100Plus, it actually tastes amazingly sweet.

When my blood pressure dropped, I decided to go to sleep early (is 10:30PM too early for you?) with my music plugged into my ears. Do you know how amazing it is to listen to music on a quiet night all by yourself? It's indescribable, to be honest. I love the feeling I felt that day and I got better.

May has been entertaining my sick self with her somewhat random observations.

The new album is coming along great! I can say that, because I’m in the studio typing this, as we speak. Well as I speak. You’re reading.

"You know who he reminds me of?"
"Not really. Tell me"
"You"

She noted how I would always say "Thanks for listening to my problems" or something to that effect when I'm chatting with her or other people online and almost immediately I will correct myself by saying "Well, in this case, thanks for reading my problems, you're not exactly listening to them". Wah, the wonders that teh-o can do for you, YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN OBSERVANT! So, I can marry him, right?

Skizzy has been keeping me company as well. She downloaded a countdown timer on my laptop for me because she knows how excited I am for November 18th. She loves me, oh yes she does.

What am I doing up at this hour, you ask? I was supposed to mail something to the mate (part of my 'things to do') at about 12AM, but I fell asleep and woke up at 3:30AM. Sorry mate.

If there's absolutely one thing I hate, it's feeling guilty over things I shouldn't be guilty about. Pain don't hurt, guilt does. Guilt hurts more than emotional and physical pain combined. If you make me feel guilty about something which isn't my doing, trust me. I know how to make you feel worse. I am a spiteful bitchy little wench, that's what I am. That's what you've reduced me to.

I give as good as I get. Although I don't do that very often, I really give it back bad to people who truly deserve it.

I am very nice to people, sometimes too nice for my own good. I have a tendency of not being able to say NO. It's my weakness and I wear it on my sleeve. That's when people take you for granted and climb all over your head.

When I am angry, it is insane. I used to throw things (I have a collection of broken items thanks to my temper) when I was angry. Now, I do productive things like clean my room or wash my clothes.
"Does this mean that in order for your house to get cleaned, your prospective future husband must piss you off all the time?"

Right, enough of this tirade. I am just rambling.

Currently listening to:
Billie Jean (studio version) - David Cook.

Try listening to this on a quiet night by yourself. It will give you fucking goosebumps.


I saw David Cook's name in my inbox and my voice went a few octaves higher than usual. Everyone knows how loud I can be at times, so yeah. This is bad. Now excuse me while I go find a jar to contain my unbridled and unabashed joy for the announcement of the NEW single. YESOHMYFFREAKINGGODTHEREISANEWSINGLE! I SO HAPPY CAN DIE ALREADY.


GET BACK TO WORK, YOU LAZY WENCH!
*cracks out a whip*

I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.

My good friend Bernice has left for the UK to stalk pretty boys study today.

I'm sorry I couldn't come to send you off.

I hope you have a great time there. Study okay, don't go around stalking pretty boys. We can do that together when I get there =p


Should the man above go to the UK way before he gets to KL or before I get there, please, by all means, get his autograph for me, and make me as horribly jealous as possible.


Thank you so very much for the guitar earrings. I LOVE THEM.


Don't be a stranger. Don't forget me once you get there and tell me what's it like over there, even if I have tendency to ruin pretty photographs. Yerr, look at my teeth!


I miss you already.

And I wish I was on that plane with you right now =(

Once upon a time, there was light in my life.

The thing about my room is that my study table is right in front of my dressing table, which makes me very prone to staring at my reflection in the mirror.
(I'm going girly...I'm doomed!)

Yesterday, while randomly typing out words as to what my plans are for the next 14 weeks of my life, I had the privilege of staring at myself in the mirror for the 183956378849759th time.

And it hit me that I have big teeth.

Like a rabbit? NO!

Like a horse? ALMOST BUT NOT QUITE!

Like a walrus? YES! YES! YES!


I know this isn't a life-threatening thing, here's the situation.

The thing I like about myself the most is my smile. Someone once told me that smile and the whole world will too. Cliche as that may be, it's true. I like to smile even at the most random thing you can possibly imagine. I like to smile at people, even if it means I get called crazy. As you can see in any of my photographs, I tend to flash my teeth more than necessary. No wonder people in high school said I had the best smile.

But now that I have discovered that my teeth are massive, I am going to have to learn how to smile without flashing my teeth when I take a decent photo of myself.

Or maybe I could start pouting.

Yeah, that could work.


Ignore me, I'm just being an ass, who must learn to stop procrastinating by staring in the freaking mirror to discover that I have big teeth.

Next thing you know, I will discover that I have a third eye on the back of my neck.

This one is for you.

Options.

Don't we love the idea of having options, where we can just take our time and deliberate the pros and cons of the choices imposed on us?


We have options of seeing things in black and white.


We have options of living in the past or living in the present.


We have options of living in denial or face the facts.


We have options of walking in another person's shoes or our own slippers.


We have options of being one of the many or being one of the few.


We have options of doing so many things.


But are we ready to face the consequences that come with each option we choose with a brave face?


I am. At least I'd like to believe I am.

Here comes the bride.

I stole this from Farah. I found this interesting. Dream wedding tag. I am not getting married-lah WTF. Boyfriend himself hasn't reached KL to come and propose to me.

Shut up, fool.


01. How old are you?
Almost 21.

02. Are you single?
Yes, I am.

03. At what age do you think you’ll get married?
Late twenties, early thirties. Just like my mother.

04. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now??
I don't know, I don't have anyone with me now.

05. If not, who do you want to marry?
You know who I want =D

I want a smart rockstar who is sensitive and tells me lame jokes, willing to sit by me on the pavements or sidewalks.

-.-"

06. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
Garden weddings are fun, but I'm afraid of the rain.

Maybe I'd go for a beach wedding and a traditional one.

07. Your ideal motif?
Balinese beach wedding:
Champagne gold outfits, with a slight hint of red. Only close family members and close friends for that.

Traditional wedding:
Sky blue outfits, with a slight hint of white. Everyone I know is invited.

08. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
I want to go backpacking across Europe with my husband.

Or maybe I'll spend it in Bali itelf.

09. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
I think maybe say...750 or 800? Hahaha, that's a lot.

Fine, 700. Like my brother's one.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
We must stick to the principle of parsimony, whereby simplicity is the key.

Haha.

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
I might make up something of my own.

Are we allowed to do that?

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
I want a two-tiered rainbow-coloured cake.

Or maybe a three-tiered chocolate marble cheese cake.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
Somewhere simple. Simplicity is the key, after all.

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
EVENING.

I can't wake up that early in the morning.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Both.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
No, I'm the star of my wedding, please.
(I'm a narcissistic baby walrus)

18. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding??
A definite must: She - Elvis Costello.

Other songs: You and Me - Lifehouse, Iris - Goo Goo Dolls, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing - Aerosmith/DC, I'm Alive - DC, Peace of Mind - Axium, Hours in Between - MJ, Yellow - Coldplay, I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin McCain, The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson, Wonderwall - Oasis.

(Swear-lah, no Magic Rainbow...)

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I AM AN AFTERNOON PERSON AND I'M DEEPLY HORRIFIED THAT IT'S NOT LISTED!

20. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Light-lah.

21. What age do you want to get married?
After I finish my studies, thank you.

22. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
Someone who isn't afraid of being who he is with me and makes me comfortable in my own skin.

I don't care much for looks or money, just the heart counts.

23. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
Normal spoon, fork and knife combo, I think.

24. Champagne or red wine?
I'm no alcoholic!

I'll go for sparkling juice.

25. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
Days after the wedding.

26. Money or household item?
What? As gifts, you mean?

I'm not picky, anything will do.

27. Who will pay for the bills?
Both parties should.

28. Are you ready for married life?
No. I think I am too young and I haven't graduated either!

29. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?
Yes.

30. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
Yes. I'm a hopeless romantic.

31. How many kids do you like?
Two. Three. Four.

I don't know-lah.

32. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
By the time I am ready to get married, I will own a house.

33. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
I will celebrate every year, just me and my husband. No need for the big fancy parties.

34. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Anything will do, even a 'halal' 7-course Chinese dinner would be wonderful.

35. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
Before I answer this, May, will you please get your head out of the gutter?

Ah, I will. Maybe in a CD.

36. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next??? Choose 5 people as your friend?
ANYONE WHO READS THIS.



I am bored, I'm sure you noticed. I will fix the fonts later. I'm in a slightly bad mood now.

That's life.

My father.

Ah, that man does things to my senses.

He comments about sports to me.
"I watched the race again last night, LEWIS WAS NOT AT FAULT! EVEN NIKI LAUDA THINKS IT'S A FARCE!"
(See, I'm not biased!)

He takes a long time to bathe.
"He's worse than a woman, okay? Takes FOREVER to get out of the bathroom"
(Seriously, and people thought I was worse!)

He cares about me.
"You are almost always never seen WITHOUT your MP3 and earplugs! By the time you're 35, you'd be deaf"
(Pa, I know you love me but I can't help it if someone sings to me and seduces me through their music. It's pulling me to listen even more)

He likes my hair long.
"Your hair isn't long enough to be cut. Wait until after your birthday"
(Mark your calendars: 7th October is the day)

He buys me food I have a secret craving for, even if I don't tell him about it.
"I bought this 'tepung pelita' for you"
(I am a happy child)

He makes the most ridiculous statements possible.
"Don't take this yoghurt at night. Take it in the morning or evening"
"But it expired yesterday"
"Take it tomorrow"
(Who said you can't take yoghurt at night? I'll ask the doctor the next time I see him. AND IT EXPIRED ON MONDAY AND HE SAYS TO EAT IT TODAY!)


Still, I love that man, even if he says random things to annoy me.

And I know you feel the same. You don't have to say a word, just your actions tell me so. The fact you love Don't Stop the Music amuses me to no end for so many reasons I cannot say here.

*draws little hearts throughout the entire post*

I howl and I whine, I'm after you.

I am still not done being angry, I had to rant it out to my other friends.

"I am not happy"
"I know"
"How do you know?"
"Woman, your display name is an obvious giveaway"
"Oh yeah"
"I'm so mad, I'm eating McFlurry!"
"Food doesn't cure anger, sadness, depression, or even cancer"
"Don't go philosophical on me now"
"I am so mad. Can you see my mad face now?"
"I'm thinking of the 'mad - mad' face, not the 'mad - angry' one"
"ROTFL"
"NETSPEAK!"
"Don't make me beat you"
"I see the Mudpie McFlurry isn't helping with your annoyance"
"Well, at least I satisfied one craving properly. Do you know I've been craving so many things to break my fast with and when I get to eat them, they taste awful?"
"Does that include Papa Johns tasting horrible?"
"Hahahaha!"
"I didn't eat that, my mother did!"
"I signed the petition already"
"Thank you"
-.-"
"She's got you signing petitions now?"
"I did what was right"
"SERIOUSLY. HOW CAN YOU SNATCH THE GREATEST WIN EVER FROM LEWIS HAMILTON? IT IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND UNFAIR! THE PEOPLE IN THE FIA ARE A JOKE! IT'S DISGRACEFUL AND APPALLING! I AM NOT IN THE LEAST BIT PLEASED!"
"You're repeating what you said in the petition"
"I wasn't and how do you know?"
"I read yours"
0.0
"Did you sign it?"
"I did. As much as I love Kimi, I love you more"
"Awww..."
"I'm still angry though"
"WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?"
"DI MANAKAH KEADILAN?"
"Belakang rumah awak"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"WIN"
"Fool"
"You asked for it"
"Don't make me use the powers of my psychodance on you!"
"I'll have the police arrest you for subjecting the masses to bad singing and horrendous dancing"
"Shut up"
"You know I'm right"
"If they really have something against McLaren Mercedes, go give it to Ferrari already, please. Don't make me waste my time watching races week in, week out. Don't make my 9-year obsession die like that. Fucking donkeys"
"You come out at night to buat dosa yang boleh membatalkan puasa di siang hari"
"ROTFLFMAO"
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"I'll do my psychodance on you, don't be sorry then. Bitch"
"Cheer up-lah. Speaking of psychodancing, watch the latest dance"
"I did, the fool can't dance to save his own life! He's got to be high on something"
"Love?"
"My dear, you are a genius"
"Thanks, I know"
"Self-flattery gets you nowhere and nothing"
"Says who?"
"Us"
"Are you on your normal fix of David Cook?"
"No, I'm copying notes"
"Liar"
"Why should I lie?"
"Like I said, you come out at night to commit sins you can't do while you're fasting"
"Shut up"
"What notes?"
"Assessment and Profiling"
"Don't forget the dictionary tomorrow"
"Hahaha, thanks. But Assessment is on Wednesday"
"What's tomorrow?"
"Health Psych"
"Oh yeah, well. Don't forget the dictionary"
"I'm still angry, you know"
"Go write an official letter to Max Mosley or whoever it is you're mad at"
"HE WAS ROBBED! ROBBED, I TELL YOU! ROBBED!"

Sigh. GIVE IT BACK TO HIM! Don't make me go crazy and dance like a lunatic!

There's a conspiracy going on, I can smell it from a mile.

WHAT THE FECK.

The stewards' inquiry examined the incident which saw the pair collide after Hamilton made a move on entry into the circuit's Bus Stop chicane.

That pushed the Briton on to the run-off area and he resumed in the lead.

He then let Raikkonen through, fearing an instant penalty from the race stewards.

However, on reviewing footage of the race they decided to punish Hamilton anyway.

WHERE IN THE WORLD DO YOU PENALISE SOMEONE WITHOUT A FECKING GOOD REASON???

ALREADY YOU REVIEWED THE FOOTAGE AND SAW THAT WAS A CLEAN MOVE, YOU STILL PUNISH HIM.


STUPID PEOPLE. WHY MUST YOU RUIN MY MORNING!

IT'S A CONSPIRACY. I JUST KNOW IT.


I NEED SOME CHEERING UP!

You got the keys? Now, drive.

OH MY FREAKING GOD.

That race in Belgium...good Lord!

EPIC DRAMATIC FINALE.

I couldn't stop saying "OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!" throughout laps 42 to 44.

Seriously, if you were in my shoes, you'd be freaking out as well. Kimi and Lewis were neck-to-neck to the point I was afraid either one of them (or maybe both) would crash out of the race!

And then they both didn't notice Nico Rosberg and Lewis went off-track and onto the grass which made almost cry because I was thinking he wouldn't finish the race.

Then Kimi spun and Lewis took the lead.

Finally Kimi went off-track and hit the wall, effectively ending his race. My heart goes out to him.


And the race was won by Lewis Hamilton.

I have to admit that for the first time in history, I squealed like a deranged fangirl for 4 good minutes.


WAY TO GO, LEWIS HAMILTON!


I would also like to add that I would like to have Lewis' children, thank you.


Oh, the image of Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Massa linking arms around each other as they watch their sons on the podium?
FREAKING PRICELESS.


I'm done rambling. You may resume with your normal lives and routines.

You know it's true.

Nothing much going on with my life, I have nothing to say just because I am physically and mentally tired.

Here are some pictures to compensate my lack of coherent posts, though.

On Monday, it was my mother's birthday. She turned 62.


This cake is actually the 'hantaran' cake from Seremban -_-" FAIL.


My mother, wishing that her daughter takes her to Old Trafford to stalk old man frumpy Fergie.


Feeding my father, who bought the candles, just for her.
*draws hearts around them*


Feeding my brother. He wore a ManUre jersey just for her. Blasphemy (he is a Liverpool fan and has two ManUre jerseys)!


Feeding my sister-in-law. Wah, look how happy my mother is.


Feeding the baby walrus. Yes, I know, I look so dishevelled as compared to everyone else in my family. I fail.


Birthday present number 01: Fendi sunglasses from father/herself. I don't know, really.


Birthday present number 02: Mug and biscuit tray from the children. It says "A big thank you to my yummy scrummy mummy".


Because I was so jealous she got herself a new pair of sunglasses, I stole them from her and tried them on. Wah...I look fair. Haha.


This...is called "God's greatest gift to women who wear make-up".

Okay, no-lah, it's an eye pencil from M.A.C. in two shades of purple. To me, it's the only make-up item I will allow myself to use.

With the exception of the occasional lipstick, of course.


My new silver watch from Esprit. I meant to post this pic earlier, but I keep forgetting because I'm a very feeble baby walrus who gets easily distracted. My father actually wanted to get me a Guess watch, but I liked this better because it fit all my criteria for a watch. I am very pernickety, in case you haven't noticed.


That's all from me, for now. I'll try to write something when I feel like it.

Oh my God.

I am waiting for November 18th.
I am still awaiting donations for that fund.
Donations are still very much appreciated.
So, do the right thing.


Is it completely strange that I'm more excited about this more than my own birthday?

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
(as if you didn't know)


Currently listening to:
Total Eclipse of the Heart - The Dan Band featuring Michael Johns.

Just so you know, I can't ever listen to the original version the same way again. Fecking total eclipse of the heart.

Make me fall for you, as if I had nothing else to do.

I was going to be a good child and study and try to start on some part of my assignment. First day of class and I have an assignment. Just sad.

But oh no.

I got seduced by a 30-year-old man with muscular arms.

Yes. WTF. I don't even like guys with muscular arms!


I'm doomed. I'm not so sure if I can concentrate on my work later thanks to that disturbingly hot image of the glossy Aussie.


Thank God that I've already broken my fast. Not nice being seduced while you're fasting, you know.


I'll write a nice juicy entry when I am more sensible or coherent.
Whichever comes first.

Shake it.

I am scared.

I am scared of so many things.

It's not your usual "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE COCKROACH!" kind of fear.

It's a fear of the progression to the next level.
It's a fear of the everlasting blame game.
It's a fear of the expectations you are expected to meet.
It's a fear of the people you know for a long time becoming plain strangers to you.
It's a fear of the journey into the unknown.


I am scared, I don't know if I'm strong enough to take up the challenge.

It's a long road, it's hard...that much I know.

All I really need is faith, luck and YOU.

You drive me crazy, up the wall.

We saw a rainbow after the rain yesterday.

Wah...see, my wish for you came true!
Mock not the magic rainbow, my dear Skizzy.

*****

We drew, got teased by KIDS about it (and I didn't even make fun of them when ManUre lost to Zenit, I'm just THAT nice!).

Oh well, one point is something better than nothing. Lest you forget, we are still on top of the table and we intend to stay there until the end of the season, thank you.

Can I also add that I love Juliano Belletti?

And bring Robbie Keane back to Spurs!

*****

Guess what did I wake up to this morning?

Hungry Like The Wolf.

-_-"

No doubt, I will die to that too.

*****

I went out last night to a birthday party.

I got bullied by kids.
(I know, right? I let some kids pick on me, I FAIL)

They tried to get me to dance. I CANNOT dance to save my life.
(and Skizzy's right, they got nothing on our boys =p)

They tried to burst a balloon in my ear.
(I didn't want to end up deaf so I hid under a table, thank you)

Someone said I've put on weight.
(You always say that whenever you see me. Has it been that long since you've opened up your eyes to look out below?)

Some people said I look pretty and doubt that I am boyfriend-less.
(Well, I lied. I do have a boyfriend. He lives in my TV, phone and laptop...HAHA)
(Okay, fine. Bad idea for a joke. Stupid baby walrus. I am boyfriend-less purely by choice, thank you)

Someone offered me a job to volunteer at his center.
(That makes it two now. The first was from my brother's friend's wife)

Texting people in between made me blush profusely and giggle like a schoolgirl, prompting the whole "Who are you texting? Your boyfriend? Ooh..." conversation.
(Like I said, my boyfriend lives in my TV, laptop and...OH MY GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU LOONY WOMAN!)


I love my people.

*****

HAPPY FASTING EVERYONE!

Don't tempt me with sinful things.
(You are permitted to do so at night, thank you)

*****

Currently listening to:
Pink - Aerosmith.

Love the song, not the colour.

Oh you already knew that?
-_-" I FAIL.