Knowing what it comes down to, it just might be enough.

Even the British PM thinks highly of him.

It still hasn't quite sunk in. It's horrible. I did think he would be forced out of his job one day but not this early. I wasn't even ready.

He finally spoke to me properly and the first thing he said to me was:
"So how Chelsea now?"

The back pages of the newpapers carried the same headline. I was sitting in the car, listening to what he thinks of Roman and Jose. I hid the tears behind the shades. Very handy, yes?

Then I'll take you shopping, she told me. I did...but I looked confused. I walked aimlessly. Then, I decided to snap out of it. I went to look at hoodies and shoes. It relieved the sadness a bit.

My doctor says I am fine and that there's nothing wrong with me. I went to MTUC and during the interview, the man's last words were:
"Employers don't care about employees anymore, they care about shareholders"

And to which the father added:
"Employers treat their employees like furniture. When they're done with you they throw you out"

Just those two lines got me stuck in reverse. I can't be like this anymore-lah. I want it to end.
He's not coming back, no matter what happens.
We can only hope for the best.


I will leave you with this open letter I wrote to Jose Mourinho this morning.



Dear Jose Mario dos Santos Mourinho Felix,

Usually I never bother with the full names, but for you, I made an exception.

Initially when you first came to Chelsea, I wasn't pleased with the way Roman Abramovich treated Claudio Ranieri by sacking him at the end of the 2003/2004 season, and it kind of made me not like you much.

But as I saw more games (this is because I had no ASTRO before), I understood why you were called the Special One. You gave Chelsea their first Premiership title after 50 years in 2005. In 2006, you did it again, this time beating our closest rivals, Manchester United at home. I can't tell you how much I cried that night when we've won it. I cried three days in a row...it wasn't exactly a pretty sight, to tell you the truth.

I learnt how passionate you were about Chelsea. You gave the players constructive criticisms only to get the best out of them. You threw your Premiership medals to the fans in the Matthew Harding stand. You dirtied your expensive suit at Nou Camp when you were sliding on the pitch because you were elated at Didier Drogba's equaliser that proved that we never give up even in the dying moments. You intervened in the Carling Cup brawl because you don't believe that violence is the answer. You made me find some part of me to respect Eidur Gudjohnsen again, reminding me of his and other former Chelsea players' contribution to our 66 unbeaten matches at home record. You told the fans to keep our chins up and be proud of the players when we lost the title to Manchester United. That day we drew to Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium.

The last bit made me cry, because on that day I never cried, in fact I smiled and clapped for the players despite the fact I am a thousand miles away from London.

That was how much you made me a Chelsea fan.

When we won the FA Cup, the first person Didier Drogba went to search for was you. You made him stay at the club and it was the faith you had in him that made him stay and score 33 goals last season. An incredible feat.

You made John Terry captain...you decided on this because you thought it was important to have a captain who is English instead of a foreigner...which is why you made Frank Lampard the vice-captain. Look at how well the England internationals at Chelsea are playing. You made them.

When my mother broke the news to me at 9AM Malaysian time (2AM over there in the UK), I thought it was just a ploy to get me out of bed and told her to stop pulling my leg. She said she wasn't kidding. Immediately I woke up, scrambled to my PC and texted my friends stating how undeniably in denial I was. When it was confirmed, I cried so many times.

How could they do this to you? 6 trophies in 3 seasons! What on Earth were they thinking? To let you go was a mistake. They are slowly breaking my Chelsea family apart and it makes me sad to know that Steve Clarke and Frank Lampard have yet to sign a new contract, which could lead to more of my Chelsea darlings leaving.

I look at the smallest things and it reminds me of what you meant to the players, the fans and more importantly, to me. You made me believe in the never-say-die attitude and the fighting spirit. Everytime I am sad, I read my Chelsea autobiography book and smile. I watch the 2005/2006 Season Review DVD that I got as a birthday gift last year and smile. You make me smile.

I don't care if the fans booed you or the players. I don't care if you moan a lot. I don't care if Roman thinks you've not done enough.

I am still trying to grasp the fact you are no longer managing Chelsea. I can't accept it. It's too sudden...

You promised me and the other fans you'd stay until 2010. Great, I thought. I'd get to see him there when I'm doing my Masters in the UK after July 2009.

But you left. You left before I could even say 'hello' to you.

"You talked about cracked eggs and the next day he talks about cracked eggs. Is he secretly reading your blog?!"
I got that message on Monday night. I was crying when I saw it again last night. It goes to show how much I will miss you and your wit.

My tears are streaming down my cheeks now. I don't know when I will come to terms with this news. I can't even bring myself to read the papers or visit the Chelsea site. It's too painful. I can tell you that the overused word of the day was 'devastated'.

It is too much for me. I am not done. I still have much to say, but I can't because it makes me cry to think about the things I want to say to you.

I can be sure that whoever is poised to fill that spot of yours won't have it easy for him as he has a lot of work to do to emulate you and your feats. I doubt your shoes can be filled so quickly. Not even Fergie can do what you can do.

You made an impact on everyone, including me.

I wish you all the best in whatever you do next. I hope you are with Chelsea, in mind and spirit.

Remember, you're THE SPECIAL ONE.

You know what? Special doesn't even cut it. You're more than just special. And you know that very well too.

Farewell, my older version of Julian McMahon. The man who taught me what it's like to be passionate about things.

Thank you for the memories. It's been three wonderful seasons.

Yours truly,
-me-
A true blue.

*****

I'm done. But don't expect me to be all happy when I see you. Unless you have a sundae or some cookies to tempt me with.

My once happy Chelsea family is slowly breaking apart.


I'm not liking this.


Life goes on.


Song of the moment: How Do I - Lee Ryan.
So fitting.