You may say I'm a dreamer

I am 50-50 about leaving.

Sure. Go on and say "Oh yeah, she cannot live without her parents...she needs them because she's so dependent".

Fuck you.

I remember in school how people would say that in my face. At one point, I got so fed up with all the taunts I threw a book across the room, and the teacher heard nothing of the commotion while people stared at me as though some demon possessed me. Yes, I was a very violent child.

Yeah, I know, I am better than that so why did I let that get to me?

Because at that time it was true. I remembered this one trip I wanted to go because it fell on my 16th birthday...but the father firmly said no and I was condemned to spend my birthday alone. And from what I heard, my friends were stalked by this pervert outside the hotel, for once I was thankful for his rational judgement. He was my superego.

Things are different now. You live, you learn.

I am trying to leave for so many reasons.
I don't want to leave for a few reasons.

After all the bad things that have happened for the last few years, I need this break. Just go away and just learn.

I need to talk to someone, and this person is my last chance saloon of getting the approval to leave.

If I play the cards right, things will work to my advantage.

But if it doesn't work out, life still goes on.
"Think about it, your life goes on. Dudu's career is uncertain. His career = his life. Therefore life is almost over for him. You should be lucky you have yours"

I hate feeling good over someone else's misfortunes. Sadistic, really.


But I need the break. Desperately.



And oh, David Cook, marry me.