You almost make me doubt I feel at all.

I find myself crying every other day, to the point it makes me think I'm suicidal. I am THAT close of having a breakdown that will eventually lead me to do something equally harmful to not only myself, but the people I care about.

I wish the blood test would reveal that I'm sick so that I can pin the blame on the ones who are causing the daily tear fest for making me this sick. I still haven't gone to get the results yet.

I came home from class where I found out I got 9 out of 10 for a quiz I didn't study for AND got a beautiful blue balloon from Biotherm, only to get hurt again, so I locked myself in my own room and listened to Will Young and cried until there were no more tears to cry. I had the three favourite girls to comfort me but still the tears wouldn't go away. It was that bad.

I only listen to Will Young when I am just sad and beyond depressed.

Read the bolded ones. They make better sense.

Leave Right Now

I'm here just like I said
Though its breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say...

I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say..

I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

Who Am I
Sometimes you know you push me so hard
I don't know how I feel
You almost make me doubt I feel at all

It's not as though I always listen
But there's just so much I don't hear
Maybe I'll never be what you want
I know that all you're asking for
Is a little place in my heart
But I don't find it easy to give

Maybe I get a little selfish sometimes
Why shouldn't I?
I used to say I love you
But would it make a difference this time?

And who am I to tell you that I would never let you down
That no one else could love you half as much as I do now
And who am I to tell you I'll always catch you when you fall
Well I, I wouldn't be myself at all
I wouldn't be myself at all, at all.

I always find a reason why I didn't put you first
It's not that complicated I know
I really hate it when you shake your head like this ain't gonna work
Maybe you'll never reap what you sow

I didn't want to do what everybody does
And hide the truth to find we never knew a thing about love
Cos this is real life, real love
And knowing what it comes down to
It just might be enough

There. I've said it. It's off my chest. I will be okay.

Besides, seeing Adrian Pasdar on the TV gave me something to drool and have a nosebleed over.

Oh and this! OMG...the things they do that make me love them over and over and over again! 25 HOT PICTURES! No naked bums-lah, nutcase!

And look at pic number 15. I cried. I got no tears also still can cry okay!

I love pics in black and white. I told my Legal Studies lecturer that I prefer black and white films compared to the ones in colour, and she said I am an interesting and unique person. Haha.


I'm okay. I have JT and the whole Chelsea squad to stare at now. So I will be okay!