Twenty one-liners and a video.

Twenty one-liners:
~ God owns my water, not any bloody political party.
~ I am so sick of bloody politics, it makes me have headaches and throw up.
~ I spent quality time with the parents watching Slumdog Millionaire, buying books and eating ice cream at Haagen Dazs.
~ They bought me two dresses and I said "Good God, I'm turning into a woman" as we left the shop.
~ Slobber is so gross.
~ So is vomit.
~ Please refrain yourself from spitting or vomiting around me because it also makes me throw up.
~ May likes grapes.
~ Sometimes I had a video of our second last day in Bali so I can play it over and over again and show it to my father because I want to see him eat his own words back when he looks at what is happening now.
~ I sound mean, but if you only knew what those words were...you'd probably feel vindicated right now.
~ ADAM LAMBERT.
~ My room is in a mess and I absolutely hate it.
~ March will also be known as 'the month of mayhem' due to the insane amount of assignments we have to do.
~ I need to start believing in myself more.
~ I am seriously contemplating of dyeing my hair in the exact same shade of red as Alison Iraheta's.
~ I need to learn to think on my feet much quicker than usual.
~ Jose Mourinho is a sassy bitch.
~ Streamyx fails, time and time again.
~ I am currently in love with the following songs: Last Train Home (Ryan Star), Life is Okay (Michael Johns and Brooke White) and Jai Ho (Slumdog Millionaire OST).
~ Barbiturates reminds me of Bar-ba-sol.

One video:

Slumdog Millionaire/ Ryan Star- Last Train Home @ Yahoo! Video

Toodles, children!

Ignore me, I am being an idiot as always.

I don't know if you already know this, but I'm going to mention it here because I can say what I want.

So anyway, you guys know I love Ryan Star to the point I refused to wash my hands after shaking his, right?

You guys should also know that I love David Cook to the point I can't even look at the word 'blank slate' without laughing (and I see this word on a daily basis, mind you).

So, in short, I love them both.


The reason why I brought them both up here is that they are both touring together in the United States. Ryan is David's opening act.
*flails*

I mean. WHAT.

How did this happen? OMG I AM REEKING OF JEALOUSY!!!

The plus side of it is that I've already seen Ryan (and touched him too) so I'm okay.

David Cook needs to start a would tour soon, and if possible, Ryan Star would be a fantastic opening act.
or he could bring Michael Johns along and tour with him, I would totally go

Sorry for wasting your time if you read this. You may now return to whatever you were doing earlier.

I should edit my assignment now. I was doing that at 8 last night and my connection died, only to be revived 13 hours later. STREAMYX FAILS.

The truth eludes me so much it hurts.

I flail a lot when I am excited.

I even flail while sitting for my exam papers.

Guess what? I'm not embarrased by it at all.

Yesterday during my Counselling Theories paper, I was trying to recall a word. I had the meaning in my head but the word was nowhere near it. I got frustrated and I curled my hand into a fist and and started shaking them not too violently.

You know how frustrating it is when you know what the term is but it refuses to exit your long-term memory into your short-term memory?

HIGHLY FRUSTRATING.

The problem with me is that I studied that part so bad, I even had my Scouse bitch come help me memorise the terms and definitions. Every single time I had it wrong, she'd hit me with the paper and make me go through the terms all over again until I got it right.

If I didn't study the part, I wouldn't be that frustrated during my paper.

I did study. I wrote notes about them with my fancy colour pens. To forget that would only mean I'm kicking myself in the derriere.

I was so frustrated at myself when I forgot the word. I really was, hence the whole flailing/movement of arms during my exam.

Then...

I remembered the word.

Again, I flailed. Because I was fucking happy I FINALLY GOT THE WORD.

Knowing the meaning of the word but not the word itself? WHO DOES THAT?

Not many people get the idea of how upsetting it is to forget something as important as that. You probably shrug it off if you forget it. You probably write an answer that is seemingly logical but not the accurate one. You probably leave it blank.

I don't.

I flail to remember.

I'm not embarrassed by it.

I know other people who do weird things during exams.

They curse.
They subvocalise the answers out loud for the world to hear.
They make gestures.
They sleep.
They hum.
They vomit out their entire stomach content.

I flail. This is my way, like it or not. It's not like I'm having an epileptic seizure, but I just flail or shake my hands for 5 seconds. Or tap my fingers on the table.

Don't judge. It's my way of releasing that frustration of forgetting a simple word like 'fidelity', 'justice', 'beneficence' or 'non-maleficence'.

At least the flailing helped. If I hadn't done that and checked the answers after the paper, I would have been so disappointed in myself, I would've done a Tatiana/Nathaniel almost instantly in the exam hall.

I would have even asked the Scouse bitch to kill me for being so stupid. She would because she spent time teaching and helping me remember the words.

So yeah, I flail.

Just like how I flailed when I saw this on YouTube after my paper AND at home TWICE.


Got to love them both.

Toodles, children. I'm off to study =)

When you wish upon a star...

Right now, you're probably out in town with your very special one since you were 14 and eight years later, you guys are still going strong. I've seen how distance was never a deal with the two of you. You were here while he was somewhere frolicking around the land of the Oranjes and fish and chips. Everytime you two get together, it's like he never left at all and you'd pick up from where you left off.

Which is kind of what we are now.

You're on the other side of the world right now, while I'm here.

We can pick up from where we left off and our conversations, however obscene they may be sometimes, can last for days.

I got ready for class today and while waiting for my dad, I saw U2's The Sweetest Thing video and I thought of you even before Boyzone showed up behind Bono in the video.

In fact, I heard lots of random Boyzone songs throughout the entire day. They were celebrating your day, I thought to myself and smiled.

Usually it would make me cringe because it reminds me of my childhood. Awkward and interesting.

But then, it reminds me of you. The circumstances we became friend was a terrible one, but I'm glad we are what we are today. I don't think I'd be who I am today if you weren't a part of my life.

I remember in Form 3, we'd write letters to each other and end them with random stuff like "MASSA ROCKS! ALEX YOONG BOLEH! SCHUMI SUCKS!" in the between doing Maths and studying History. Hardcore F1 fans, we were. We still are.

Some things have never changed. You still like Boyzone. I like David Cook.
(okay, maybe some things have changed)

It's things like these that make me mushy and nostalgic because it's sempiternal love.

I hope your birthday was a fantastic one. I hope to see you after my paper on Saturday.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy 22nd, love.

Kisses, hugs, and slaps,
-RH-

To the left, to the left.

Hello children. I hope you didn't miss me THAT much.
So, here are some updates about me.

01. My mid-terms are coming next week and I've studied zilch.

02. I committed a sin: I ate beef.
Yesterday, my parents decided to take me out for lunch knowing that I had a throbbing headache, so we went to Pizza Hut to eat. I ordered a Waikiki Paradise pizza for myself. So the waiter tells me that "If I'm not mistaken, miss, the Waikiki Paradise pizza has beef". My mother starts laughing out loud and I just smiled at the waiter and said "I can eat beef" and he nodded and went away.

I just told my parents this after he left.
"OMG I AM A BLASPHEMOUS CHILD OF GOD! MY PARENTS ARE HERE EATING CHICKEN WHILE I'M EATING BEEF IN FRONT OF THEM! WHAT AN ACT OF BLASPHEMY, I WILL GO TO HELL FOR THIS!"

And we ended up laughing at each other. Ridiculous.

03. My dad is the epitome of awesomeness.
He hates the whole notion of the over-commercialised holidays: Teacher's Day, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day and more, so he didn't really want to get anything for my mother for Valentine's.

I had to go to college today for my counselling session for extra credit at 10 but my counsellor was late so they had to cancel my appointment. I made my way to the other block to meet my parents and my cousin the lecturer at the canteen. We sat there and suddenly this student comes up to our table and asks my parents if they wanted to buy teddy bears for each other for Valentine's. I just stood there laughing at the boy for asking my dad such a question.

Guess what?

My dad actually bought TWO teddy bears for my mother and I.

I almost died.

I mean, he REALLY complains about these over-commercialised events to us.

Yet, he bought us the teddies.

He probably felt bad for the student and bought the bears.

But whatever the reason may be, it was a very sweet gesture.


My mother is happy with her teddy bear named Simon.


Hi there, spaztastic human being. Papadam is the best name ever. HAHAHA!

04. Question: What is wrong with this photo?

Answer: NOTHING.

05. I shall leave you with photos of pretty boys.


ADAM'S SO FULL OF GLAM. BAHAHA.


Uh. I have nothing to say.


May would understand the need of this photo to be posted here.

And with that, I am done. Now, I am off to have a date with my textbooks for Valentine's. Yay me on studying on an over-commercialised holiday.

I put some new shoes on.

LONG RANT AHEAD.
Today was by far one of the most interesting days that I've ever got to experience.

Besides the fact I got over my immense fear of speaking in public, I learnt about myself through other people.

Our presentations were about ourselves. Out of the eight aspects we had to write about, we were asked to talk about ourselves based on one aspect for two minutes.

A lot of people we talking about their major stressors. One of them talked about their mother being ill, another talked about how she missed her sister who's now in New Zealand, another talked about the loss of a pet that has been in the family for a long time.

Sounds very much like the Idol sob stories, no?
I actually thought so too. I really did.

For one who always wears her heart on her sleeves, this kind of thought was something that clearly wasn't normal.

I was not in the mood for sad stories. Well, you can tell me sad stories when it's after 12PM. So, I made mine as humourous and ridiculous as possible because I don't like the idea of people being sad in the mornings.

Then, I came home and thought about what I could have actually presented on instead of what I did. I started talking about the other topics and then, I cried.

It finally hit me.

I realised how fragile life is. I started thinking about the two weeks that my dad got ill. I spent the two weeks being worried and upset and snappy. Every time he came home from the hospital, I find myself asking him "What did the doctor say?", "Did she give you medicines?" or even "Do you have to go back there again?".

The last question made me quiver. I was worried that it was something serious or worse, it could lead to death.

Then, I started thinking about the people who really matter to me that have already passed away.
My best friends, the twins.
My first ever boyfriend.
My young nephew.
My close family friend.
My two favourite uncles.
My Biology teacher.

The first three made me see that life is really short. I lost the twins to cancer of the brain and blood. I was only 13 or 14 when they passed away. They never had the chance to go the concert of their favourite acts, get a degree, get married and have children.

I have talked too much about how much I miss my ex-boyfriend and how his death was around the time I had to sit for a major exam. Life was not okay for me but I had to keep my spirits up, because he made me promise.

My nephew was only 11 when he passed away. He never got out of that coma and I was just at a loss for words when I heard the news. It felt like a brick was thrown in my face when I was caught off-guard. He never got to know what love is, get a degree or come over to my house for Raya where he will bully his three sisters like he used to again.

This close family friend who passed away was my dad's best friend. It was such a huge loss for my family that even my dad was speechless and stunned for an hour. It was such an unexpected loss. This coming Sunday will mark the first year anniversary of his death.

My two favourite uncles meant the world to me. One would tease me incessantly, the other looked after me when my brother was hospitalised for suspected dengue when he was 9. I love them both so much and I miss them. I wish I told them that.

My Biology teacher shared the same birthday as me. She had twins. I went for her wedding at her family home, and I found myself going back there again after three years when she died of a heart attack at the age of 28. She never made it to her 29th birthday. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for being a whiny cow a few times in her class.

Then, I start thinking about my parents and how much they have done for me. My parents aren't getting any younger, yet they give in to the most ridiculous demands I ask from them. I thought about the biggest sacrifice my father has probably ever done for me, which would be the time he decided to quit his job and look after my brother and I. He sent us both to school and back in that 27-year-old Ford Laser of his. That car is the car that is getting me to and fro college now. People make fun of the car but they do not realise the significance of the car to me. I don't know if my brother feels the same way, but I know I feel this. The car has seen me through tough times - it sent me to the hospital when I broke my arms as a kid and when I was admitted for food poisoning. It has taken me to school and university. It has taken me to the most remote places in Malaysia. This car has broadened my horizons and expanded my knowledge. Not many people get that.

My parents are not getting any younger. They'll be 63 and 67 this year. I realise that they will not live forever, which is why I intend to spend as much time as I can with them. I go out shopping with them, watch movies and plays with them, and watch random TV shows with them whenever I can. I know I have friends, but at the end of the day, I only have my family, like it or not. They have been supportive of me even when I make decisions that are utterly stupid. They never approved of my decision to pursue psychology yet they respected it. When people question my choice, they are ALWAYS the first to take the bat for me and explain to the others about my choice. You don't know what that is like. Most of you are taking up Medicine or Business or Finance, but generally people think Psychology is a course that has no prospects in the future. But my parents are understanding and respectful of that decision I made, for which I am truly grateful.

My parents have also taught me to never look down on a person based on their status. My father is one who will always talk to almost anyone, even to the security guard and parking attendant in HELP, the waiters at the restaurant we frequent to and even the cashier at the petrol station. He told me that he even has 'mat rempit' kids as friends. He even talks to foreign workers and never degrades them. Today, this Bangladeshi worker who is a friend of my dad's came over to ask how my dad was doing after hearing how he was ill the last few weeks. According to my mother, he has come over to the house five times already just to ask how he is. That just made me cry because it's amazing to see how much he has helped people. A very close friend of my father once told me that there is no one who would take a bat for his friends like my father would. I almost cried just listening to that in a sea of drunken men. I want my life to be meaningful like that. I want people to remember me how I know people will remember my parents.

The one who said she misses her sister who's living in a different country made me evaluate the relationship I have with my brother. Everyone looked up to him. He was away at boarding school and overseas for most of my childhood and adolescent years. Festivals went and came like that and I didn't feel much of the fact he was not with us to celebrate. It felt normal, almost like a routine. I realise now that he must have been sad that we weren't around to celebrate with him and that he had to suffer during Raya by sitting for exams. I never thought so much about it then, but now it just hit me that he must have been hurting. I remember my mother having a fever because she didn't hear from him from the time he left KLIA. A few days later, my dad was admitted into the hospital for nine days. Every single time my brother called and wanted to speak to my dad, I couldn't tell him the truth because I knew he would be worried and upset. I remember once I told him that my dad was asleep when he asked to speak to him, and he asked me "Papa doesn't want to talk to me ah?". Do you know how I felt? I almost cried talking to him. It was painful to lie to someone you love to protect them. It just hurt to be put in that situation. I may not have shown it then but I missed my brother as much as my parents did. The only difference was that I didn't show it.

I was never good with my emotions. I could cry for something which may seem silly to most, but I could never cry at serious occasions like wedding or funerals. I'm not completely devoid of emotions. I'm just not able to express it the way most people do. I am not a fan of PDAs, maybe that's partly due to the fact my parents aren't the touchy-feely kind of couple. They never hug, hold hands (okay, they do but that happens like once in a blue moon) or even kiss. They don't need that to show their emotions or how much they love each other. The way they understand each other is enough to convey how much they love each other. Maybe it's because of them I send out evil glares to couples who show excessive amounts of PDA in front of me.

'New Shoes' by Paolo Nutini is an amazing song. This song is not about you buying new shoes. It's about how the smallest and probably most insignificant thing to others may be the most precious thing to you that will make your day just that bit brighter. That small thing could be something, anything, someone, anyone. I guess the reason why I find such joy in the most random things or people is that it just triggers some silly and happy moments in life. I hear an old cheesy pop song on the radio and I yell "OMG THAT WAS MY CHILDHOOD!". No joke. Silly songs make me happy. Random text messages make me happy. New shoes make me happy. Lame jokes make me happy. Grocery shopping makes me happy.

A few days ago, someone was talking about the lack of new clothes they have at home and I was secretly thinking that "Life is more than just the lack of clothes in your wardrobe". There's so much more to life than mindless pursuits of money, bling or other whimsical things. Life is way too fragile for those trivial pursuits.

The former Chief Priest of the Brickfields Buddhist Temple wrote a book about how life is uncertain and death is inevitable. That book has made me see things in a broader perspective and changed my views on life. People should read that book and see how shallow they can be about things.

Live life. Love life. Love and get hurt. Break bones, get scars and learn from those injuries. Never ever regret making the decision you've made that was wrong, learn from it and promise yourself to never repeat it. Tell someone you truly care about you love them. Don't wait for things to come to you. Take chances. Laugh a lot. Celebrate life in death.


I wished I talked about this for my presentation instead, but at the same time, I really wouldn't want to speak of these things because I know I would cry. I just spent the whole time I typed this crying my eyes out.

Now, I know exactly why I never liked learning anything new about myself.