I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeve.

You think you've heard this before,
I'll try and say it differently,
as long as it comes naturally to me,
It's been making me sad,
Cos I can't find a better way
to speak the words I want to say to you.
~Heart on My Sleeve - Michael Johns~


I hate hospitals.
EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.

I had to go two hospitals today. I visited my nephew in one hospital and another close family friend in another.

My nephew has in been in the hospital for two weeks already. I really have no idea what happened, but he shows no signs of improvement. I teared up at the sight of the tubes and wires attached to his body (but the tears remained in my eyes, they didn't roll down my cheeks). My mother was sobbing the entire time we were there. Even my brother cried. It was just a sad sight for anyone to see.

He is barely 17, he'll be sitting for his SPM this year. It's so disheartening to see him in that state. I may not be close to him, but I have feelings. My amygdala is functioning well. It hurts.

He is such a good kid. I am just sad that this happened.

I hope he will be alright, regardless of what happens.


A close family friend of ours was admitted to the hospital a few days ago. He had his right leg amputated yesterday. I was at the hospital yesterday as well when it happened. We stayed with his wife who was distraught when he was in the OT. I can understand her feelings. I know I would be in a similar position if that ever happened to anyone I care about.

Yesterday was so bad, I had tears. I'm not used to seeing him in that state. He was strong and fit. Now, he's frail and thin. Seeing him cringe in pain is a foreign concept to me.

He's very close to our family, in fact, he and my dad are almost like brothers. He was there to look after my paternal grandfather while he was in the hospital when my parents were to get married. He's always been there for us. ALWAYS. Seeing him like this kind of puts a knife through your heart.

I got to see how far they cut off his leg. It was below the knee.

I am not going to lie and say "Oh, that didn't affect one bit". BECAUSE IT DID. I am afraid it will happen to me or someone else. I can't imagine myself in that state. I AM FUCKING SCARED.

My father told me that it was a good thing I got to see this because it serves as a reminder/wake-up call. I am taking care of myself.


I wear my heart on my sleeve too much for my own good. I get emotionally attached to people or things. It's in my nature that I am like that. I am sorry if at times I sound so 'emo' in my posts and that pisses some people off but I do feel for people. It makes me sad when I see people in pain.

I know I should stop being so emotional. I even cry when I'm listening to certain songs that remind me of certain people (I do NOT cry to love songs because I get on with life after breakups, I don't need tears for them) because of how much that song means to me or how much that song reminds me of them. I cry to 'Permanent' every single time I hear it because of what the song is about, which is why I ALWAYS skip that song every time it comes on my playlist. That song is so beautiful, I feel like if it gets overplayed, it will lose its entire meaning.

Fact: Everyday, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Tell me to stop playing that song from Michael Johns, regardless of how beautiful it is.

Please.